Allen: *sends picture of a coyote sitting on his couch* babe I found this cute little dog outside.. He doesn't have tags or anything. Poor things all scared :(
Xiao: I swear to the sweet ancestors if you bring another random animal into the god damn hou–this is a joke right? THAT'S A FUCKING COYOTE!
Allen: babe.. I know a dog when I see one
Xiao: OBVIOUSLY FUCKING NOT! PUT IT BACK OUTSIDE! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GOD DAMN MIND?! IS THIS THE FUCKING TWILIGHT ZONE OR SOME SHIT? AM I HIGH? I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT IS A DAMN COYOTE ON MY GOD DAMN COUCH!
Allen: babe, babe.. Its a dog trust me! Can I keep it?
Xiao: DIVORCE! Just kidding. But no that thing better be outside before I get home. I swear you've lost your god damn mind man!
Allen: chill~ your freaking out for no reason
Xiao: no reason?! THERE'S A COYOTE IN MY GOD DAMN HOUSE AND MY HUSBANDS ACTING LIKE ITS A FREAKING CHIHUAHUA! You've lost it man, freaking lost it! I know your vegan but this is ridiculous.. HOW ARE YOU MISTAKEN THIS FOR A DOG?! Have you not seen a coyote? Dear god I'm gonna come home to my precious opium and Husband eaten by a wild coyote! Allen baby your nuts. This is crazier then the time you brought home four cows. I HATED THOSE COWS! I was soooooo tempted to turn each and everyone of them into beef stew! And who buys four freaking cows at once? The same psycho who lures a coyote into our damn house!
Allen: your a jerk but seriously he's acting weird and pacing around. I named him "spot" and tried to pet him but he just keeps growling and pacing around.
Xiao: you named it spot?! It doesn't even have spots! This doesn't make sense! OH MY GOD, growling? Pacing around? THAT MEANS HE'S PISSED! Baby, honey, sweetheart, I love the shit out of you despite the fact your fucking insane. Take my opium and go to our room, lock the door I'm on my way.
Allen: aw I love you babe, relax
Xiao: what?! Your about to be eaten by a freaking coyote! Don't tell me to relax! If anything you should be panicking!
Allen: babe.. Babe.. There's no coyote
Xiao: but the picture? That's a fucking coyote!
Allen: babe.. It was Photoshop
Xiao: you son of a– you better be on that bed.. naked, with those legs spread by the time I fucking get home because I need some hate sex right now.
Allen: you know you love me~
Xiao: yeah, yeah whatever.
