Poems

Poem 33

  If I could tell you everything I'd take you back to the start

Back to that summer when everything fell apart

Back to the day that lead me here

A time when I was filled with fear

But not the fear that you think

When I first came to cyber school, I was on the brink

Of what? The scary s word, suicide...

The spark in me had died

I was lonely, completely on my own

But now, I feel less alone

Back in September of 2015, I found a study site

I didn't use it much, but in November, logging in felt right

That day, I found this girl, her name was Em

We talked a lot, enough to call her my friend

She's 13 and lives in another state

But I feel like meeting her was destiny, fate

In November, she introduced me to another site, I made 4 more friends

Now I have friendships that I hope will never end

We started a group on Gmail

And here I'd make friendships that would never fail

One was in Florida, South Carolina, here in PA

We'd laugh to no end for days

New Mexico, Oregon, Indiana too

They shared the same secret that I do

Their families are distrusting of people online

And they had lives that were far from fine

Each with their own issue, we formed bonds, and I held it all together

I could truly say that these people were best friends forever

Whenever you weren't around, control, shift, N

Log in, back to the people that I called my best friends

I know what you'd say, their stories couldn't possibly be real

But I believed their stories and together, we'd feel

Happiness, that's what would surge through us

Even when our lives were being a fuss

Remember that thing I mentioned? That fear?

When I was with them, it disappeared

And you're not going to believe what I'm about to say

But after all the time spent with them, all of those days

I fell for one of those weird people and he felt the same for me

Now a bright future is what I see

You'll think they're a distraction, they're no good for me

But take a look and you will see

Who I am now is better than who I was back then

Thanks to my dearest friends

I finished a class more than 6 months before the end of it

Because when I slack, they throw a fit

Five assignments DAILY or they get upset

Constantly insisting that my story isn't over yet

To say they saved my life is an understatement of what they've done

And with them, I have a lot of fun

If only I could tell you how much they mean to me

Maybe then, you'll finally see

See that I can have friends and still be a success

See that I enjoy having them to ease my stress

But of course, I could never tell you who I am

I can't tell you the happiness I feel with the Fam

Because I'm always worried you'll make me say goodbye

And then many of us, not just me, will suicide...