Poems

Poem 42

~Dedicated to a boy who shall not be named. You got what you always wanted and now I'm letting go.~

I'm not going to say this right to your face but if you ever read this, you'll know exactly who you are

The last 2 months were crazy but looking back, I see I've made it far

From I need yous to you hurt me

My life's been pretty topsy turvy

But day by day, I noticed something new

I was proving to myself I didn't need you

You walked out, I blamed myself, didn't wanna live

But it was myself I chose to forgive

I didn't cause this, it was all you

How was I supposed to know what you'd do?

But I forgave myself and that's where it began

That's when I chose to find who I am

I started a book, worked all night and through the days

Until I didn't even realize the pain had gone away

I worked on my school work and finished most of it

As slowly but surely, I stopped feeling like shit

But then someone convinced me to message you

And at first I said "Ew. I don't want to!"

But I gave it a second thought and said "This will give me closure."

And even though my friends said "No! You'll be set back by the exposure!"

I sent you a message, 5 or 6 paragraphs long

Asking you to explain everything you did wrong

Realizing what I'd done, I said "Nevermind"

But I asked for the answers and was amazed by my find

3am one morning, you walked into my life again

Amazed at what was said, I dared to call you my friend

We started talking and my heart whispered "You still have that desire"

But it was like the last spark of a dying fire

So I watched, as the last of the embers tried to spark

And felt true liberation when they faded and the night grew dark

But it wasn't a sad darkness, I stared at the sky above

As I smiled at my world, no longer in love

I looked to my left and found an amazing sight

My best friend, he smiled and said "I knew you'd be alright"

I smiled right back and we talked on and on

Happy that our friendship will always hold strong

I may not have you, but I have him and I'm satisfied

Because my friendship with him didn't build on a lie