Blue Lupus

Chapter Thirty One: Life and Death

            Water rolled over Jared's face, touching every crevice and curve, water falling off the bridge of his nose and chin. It was as hot as the old pipes would allow it, steam whitened the air around him making it thick. Eventually Jared would have to pull away from the stream of water and breath some of the humid air surrounding him.

He didn't know how long he had been in the shower for. He could only guess that the once frigid tile of the bathroom floor would be warm by now. The glass shower door was complete fogged, to the point where he couldn't see outside of his little in closure. His little safe place.

Since he was young, long showers had been his refuge from the world. From the fights, stresses, sadness, and obligations he had once he stepped foot outside of his porcelain and tile lined haven. But even this shower, one of the longest of his life, wasn't able to keep his mind from replaying what had happened just a few hours earlier.

"I don't understand." Alexandria sniffed, ripping at the napkin balled up in her hands, trying to keep her eyes casted down so he wouldn't notice the tears.

Jared bit his inner cheek, staring at the local artwork hung on the walls. The Full Moon café always supported local artists. Just last month Alexandria had gotten some of Jared's old painting hung up. Of course, this month's theme was cat photos now, so his art was removed. Jared tried to focus on a watercolor of a fat Persian cat in a hideous orange sweater. Just focus on anything but her tears.

"It's not a break up." He whimpered. "I just need some time." He tried to explain vaguely, for the millionth time.

"But you won't tell me why!" Alexandria looked at him, her green eyes sparling with tears, "Is it something I did? Is it-"

"No! No-"Jared started to explain again.

"No." Jared whimpered, leaning his head against the tile of the shower, clenching his eyes shut. How could he explain this to her? How could he not break her heart? He loved her. She was so sweet and unique and loyal. But... but...

Ray.

How could Jared look in her eyes and tell her that? How could he admit to someone he loved that he was having feelings for not only someone else—but a boy for that matter! He couldn't even admit it for himself for the longest time.

But after that kiss. Jared couldn't stop thinking about it. It was so new, so exciting. It sparked something in him and it terrified him. He knew he couldn't expect Alexandria to understand. He didn't know if he wanted her to understand. He just needed time to figure out these feelings. Yet he didn't even know where to start. Or maybe he did...

Jared turned the shower off.

He needed to talk to Ray.

* * * * * * *

"So you were just going to vanish? Die and leave me behind?"

Alaska groaned, her eyes flickering open as she heard her brother's voice. White light blinded her senses, and with one deep breath she knew she was in the hospital. Blurry memories of her past few moments of consciousness came back to her.

It was a jumble, and she knew she was on a Vicodin high when it happened, but... did she try to kill herself?

"Aaron..." Alaska's vision finally focused as her eyes landed on him. He was uncharacteristically dressed in white button down shirt and dress pants. "What-" She started.