the quiet ⭑ joshler

十四

TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM

"where were you?" josh's dad yells at him from the front doorway.

josh's weary expression doesn't look up at his dad as he walks up the driveway to his front door.

it was now 8pm. he had been in the forest with tyler for more than four hours.

he doesn't reply to his dad. instead, he walks straight past him and ignores both of his parents as they continue to lecture him. when he gets inside his room, he slams the door behind him, hard.

josh still can't help a buzz of excitement in his body as he remembers the conversation that he had with tyler...and the kiss.

josh was still trying to process in his mind that they had actually kissed, and he felt himself blushing thinking about it.

the next day he went in to the forest automatically, somehow finding the clearing again.

he could hear someone singing. a soft, sweet, voice. it made you want to cry and sing along with it at the same time.

tyler.

it was coming from one of the trees, and he spotted a figure sitting on one of the branches quite high up on the tree.

josh realised tyler hadn't noticed him, so he continued to listen to tyler's beautiful voice from the bottom of the tree, leaning against the trunk and sitting on fallen leaves.

he starts listening more intently to the lyrics, and recognises them as one of the songs he had read from tyler's book.

ruby, take my hand, please lead me to the promised land
tell me where am i from, your eyes say "shada de dadum"
ruby, you're royalty, in your homeland they all call you queen
tell me, where are you from, your eyes say "shada de dadum"

you're an angel fallen down won't you tell us of the clouds
you have fallen from the sky, how high? how high?

the lyrics tyler were singing, josh realised, was one of his favourite ones that he had read from the book, but tyler singing them made it so much more beautiful.

before the end of the song, tyler's voice became louder, making josh more nervous.

josh could hear in his voice as tyler sang that he was crying, and the last verse he screamed so powerfully josh thought every animal in the forest must have heard it.

you're an angel.

josh could hear tyler crying after this and he started climbing up the tree, he couldn't leave tyler on his own up there.

climbing up the tree was harder than he thought, and josh nearly slipped a couple of times but he eventually reached tyler.

tyler still hadn't noticed josh holding on to the branch behind because he was still crying so loud, wet tears trickling down his face and on to the wrinkled notebook full of tyler's beautiful, beautiful songs.

tyler was too wound up in his tears to notice a hand approaching his face, and he only realised when he felt josh's smooth fingers wipe the tears on his left cheek away.

the dark haired boy reached out for josh's hand, clasping it strongly, he turned to look at josh.

josh had eyes that you could see the whole universe in. they flickered over the razor in his hand and then the scars down his wrist.

he grabbed tyler's other hand then, throwing the razor from the tree and looking straight in to tyler's eyes.

"i promise i won't leave you." josh whispers. "if you promise you'll stay."

tyler nods, slowly, still looking in to his eyes.

josh realises that tyler's pale hands are shaking, and quickly tightens his grip.

"have you spoken to your parents yet?" josh says quietly.

tyler shakes his head. "i only speak to you and.." he whispers.

"and who?" josh raises his eyebrows.

"nobody." tyler shakes his head violently, and then keeps it still again. "they're gone now, anyway."

"who?"

there's a long pause.

tyler finally brings his head up to look at josh properly. "my brother."