Reflecting their own light: Rory and Logan

Chapter 33

I awoke in a hospital room.  As my eyes focused, I tried to figure out where I was.  I could see that I was not in the same room where I had given birth.  What happened to me?  I vaguely remember a flurry of medical personnel around me, but things were blurry and dreamlike.  I felt groggy and disoriented.

"Ace?  Are you ok?" Logan said, standing and move to my side.

"Logan?" I asked, still confused about my current state.  My eyes still couldn't focus properly, and I looked in the direction of his voice.

"Yes, I'm here.  You just got out of surgery, but the doctor said you were going to be fine," Logan answered, holding my hand.

"Surgery?  For what?" I replied, even more confused.  Was that the flurry of activity I remembered?  I started having flashbacks to Logan's stay in the hospital after his misadventure in Costa Rica.  We were young, but I remember very distinctly how I felt thinking about losing him.  Now, there was so much more at stake.  I could feel my head starting to clear.

"After Little Ace was born, you began hemorrhaging and lost a lot of blood.  They needed to get you into emergency surgery to stop the bleeding.  I've never been so scared in all of my life.  I stood in the room, helplessly, while they whisked you off.  They handed me our beautiful baby girl, and I started crying.  One love in my arms, while the other was rushed to the OR.  I didn't know what to do," he said, nearly in tears again.

"Is the baby ok?  Where is she?"

"Don't worry, she's with Lorelai in your room, so that I could come down here and wait for you.  They wouldn't let me bring her with.  We'll head to the room once you are ready," he replied.

"I'm ready.  I want to see our baby girl, and I don't want to wait."

"I'll buzz the nurse."

A few minutes later, we were on our way to see Little Ace.  I couldn't wait to meet her, after nine long months.  I'll finally get to hold her in my arms.  We turned into the room, and there was Mom, holding our precious bundle of joy.  She brought her over to me and placed her in my arms.  Little Ace was sleeping peacefully.  She was beautiful with her head full of dark hair.  This baby was the miracle that finally made us the family we were always meant to be.

"She looks just like you when you were a baby," Mom said, quietly.

"Really?"

"Yes, it was like a time machine had taken me back to the day you were born.  Thankfully, I didn't have to experience the crate of dynamite this time!" Mom replied, with a little laugh.  "I'm going to go check on Luke."

Mom left the room.  It was just our little family.  We sat in silence, drinking in the moment, enjoying the experience.  Our beautiful baby girl in my arms and the love of my life by my side.

"She's beautiful, just like her mother," Logan said, breaking the silence.  he kissed me on the forehead, and then Little Ace.

It melted my heart.  Logan stood next to me with his arm around me and his other hand under the baby's head.  She must have sensed us staring at her because she started stirring.  As if on cue, she opened her eyes.  They were a beautiful shade of blue.  I felt the tears of joy welling up in my eyes.

"Have you give any more thought to names?" Logan asked, softly.

"Yes, but nothing seems quite right," I replied.

"What about Emma?" he asked.

"It's a great Jane Austen novel, but it's just not quite enough," I said with a little smile.

"Do you like it though?"

I paused for a moment and gave it some thought.  "What about Emmaline?  We could call her Emma for short."

"Hello, Emmaline," Logan said, looking at her.  He put his finger into the palm of her hand and she wrapped her hand around it.  "Did you know that today is your birthday?"

"Hi, Emma," I said, peering into her eyes.

The nurse came into the room to check on me and Emma.  She recommended that I try to feed her.  I wasn't sure if I was ready for something like that.  I managed to get myself situated with the nursing pillow while Logan continued to fawn over our sweet daughter.  As awkward as it may seem, the nurse helped me get Emma into a good position.  It was good though because I had no idea what I was doing.  Emma, on the other hand, seemed to know exactly what she was doing.  She nuzzled in and began eating.  It felt weird, and yet, normal at the same time.  Despite all of the science classes and everything I learned in them, it was hard to wrap my head around the fact that breasts are primarily for feeding offspring.  I guess that's due to my lack of experience with this purpose.  She was settled in, and I was content bonding with my baby girl.

I hadn't noticed that Logan had slipped out.  Either he was freaked out by my breastfeeding, or he sensed the importance of this moment for mother and daughter.  I was guessing it was the latter, since he'd seen me naked on more than one occasion.  Then it hit me.  I'm somebody's mother now.  Never in a million years did I see myself in this position.  I don't know how my mom did this at sixteen and alone.  I knew this was going to be a huge challenge for me and I was in my thirties with Logan by my side.

Logan returned a short while later.  He was grinning from ear to ear.  It was a smile I had seen man times, but this time it seemed to be permanent.  He was certainly one proud papa, and it made me love him so much more.  Emma was sleeping peacefully in my arms.  I couldn't believe how quickly I had grown to love this feeling.  Logan sat on the bed next to me, peering at her.

"You were so amazing today, Ace," he said, kissing me on the side of the head.  His gaze returned to the child in my arms.

"You want to hold her?"

"You had to ask?" he replied with a grin.

I gently handed Emma to him.  The love was written all over his face.  There was no denying this girl already had her daddy wrapped around her little finger.

"Now that we've settled on a first name, we should really figure out her middle name," I said.

"I guess I hadn't give it too much thought, since we had such a hard time with the first name," he replied.

"I think I'd really like to honor my mom.  She's the strongest woman I know and has been a big influence in my life."

"So, are we going with Lorelai?"

"No, I think I'd like to use Victoria for her middle name," I suggested.

"Emmaline Victoria.....I don't think there's any debate here.  Very strong feminine vibes and it's very reflective of you and your mom," Logan stated.

"You think so?" I replied, recalling Queen Victoria and women's activist Emmeline Pankhurst from my history classes.  I also thought about my grandmother, and the strength she's shown.

"I always have," he replied, giving me the smile that made his eyes crinkle.

"Knock, knock, knock," Mom said from the doorway.

"Come in, come in," I replied.

She entered, followed by Luke.  Luke's smile was almost as big as Logan's.  Mom moved over to Logan, who handed Emma to her.

"Mom, Luke, we'd like you to meet Emmaline.....Emma for short," I said.

"I think that's a beautiful name, Rory.  It's not Lorelai, and I thought we had a thing going...." Mom said with a smile.

"Lorelai, we didn't forget about you," Logan said.

"Oh?" Mom replied.

"Her name is Emmaline Victoria," he stated.

"Really?" she said, her voice breaking a little.

"Really, Mom," I replied, smiling at her.  I could see her trying to hide the tears that were hiding just below the surface.

This little girl was really some kind of wonderful.