Reflecting their own light: Rory and Logan

Chapter 17.5

I couldn't lose her, not again, and not this way!  I went back into the restaurant to settle the tab.  I hailed my own cab and headed back to the hotel.  I had hoped that was where she was going.  I knew she'd need a little bit of time to process everything, but I didn't want her to do anything rash.  I thought my story was sweet and endearing, and I hadn't anticipated this kind of reaction.  I wasn't sure if it was pregnancy hormones, or if she was actually mad at me.  I tried to look at it from her side, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized it probably wasn't as charming as I thought. 

There was no way I was going to move on after losing Ace.  Dating other women only made me even more sure of that fact.  I knew that I had to somehow put myself in her path to get her back in my life.  I needed her more than I needed air to breathe.  I don't think she understood how strongly I was drawn to her, despite the fact she'd turned down my proposal.  I kick myself in the ass when I think about how I walked away that day.  I regret the way I handled things with that ultimatum.

I arrived at the hotel and go up to our suite.  I walked in and looked around for Rory.

"Rory?" I called out.

I entered the bedroom to find her curled up under the covers.  It killed me to see her in any amount of pain, and knowing the hurt was caused by my stupid confession only made me more angry with myself.  I wanted to immediately comfort her, hold her in my arms, but I knew that wasn't the right thing to do in this moment.

"Rory, please, let me explain," I begged quietly.

"Explain what, Logan?  That you practically stalked me instead of just contacting me?"

"When you put it like that.....well....it doesn't sound good.  I wasn't looking at it from your point of view.  I was trying to keep things on the down-low from my family.  I had certain people, loyal to only me, helping me out.  Rory, it's always been you.  The day you turned down my proposal, and I walked away was the worst day of my life.  I tried to date other women, but it was so empty and meaningless.  I threw myself into my work," I explained.

"Logan...I....I'm sorry.  I didn't want you to go away that day.  I needed to make my own way before we settled down.  I never wanted to let you go.  I get what you are saying.  I know your family has always had a plan for you, and I'm 99.99% sure it didn't include me.  No one else has ever fit quite like you do," she paused.  "I just wish you had told me before, instead of waiting.  I'm sorry I overreacted," she replied.

"I love you, Ace, and I would never do anything to hurt you!"

"I know," she said through her tears.  "I love you, too, Logan, and I'm sorry I'm so hormonal!  I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster ride!"

I held out my arms for her, and wrapped them around her.  I was glad that she finally understood where I was coming from, and it wasn't meant to be stalker-like.  I loved this woman more than I love myself.  There was no way I could live without her in my life.  It was a part of the reason I gave her the key to my family's house in Maine.  Granted, she needed a place to live and write, but it would have kept her tied to me.  I didn't want it to be an 'other woman' type scenario, but I couldn't let her walk out without trying to do something.  I wasn't in a position to go my regular route, thanks to the dynastic plan, but I had hoped this would be a good option.  I had a feeling that some of the irrationality was a byproduct of the pregnancy.  So, I held her until she calmed down, and I felt her begin to relax in my arms.

"Give me a few minutes to change, and we can watch a movie tonight, ok?" I whispered to her.

I changed into a t-shirt and some flannel pants.  I climbed back into bed next to Rory.  I turned on the television and started flipping through the channels.  There was nothing on any of the channels, and I made a face with every disappointing channel change.  She made a similar face.

"There's nothing on any of these channels.  I've got an idea," I said as I went to the other room.  I returned with my computer.  I sat next to her and booted up the laptop.  I pulled up Netflix and connected to the TV.  I selected Across the Universe, and it began to play.

"Is this better?" I asked.

"Yes, much."

I couldn't help but think of that wonderful adventure we'd taken Rory on a couple months ago.  I had hoped she'd tell me she loved me and ask me to leave Odette.  I'd been too scared to say it myself, nor did I have the courage to stand up to my father.  She'd made so many first moves before that it only seemed natural she be the one this time, too.  When we said goodbye after our perfect night, I thought it was our last moment together.  I was very wrong, but couldn't be happier.  This was all a part of the journey we had to take, a part of our unique story.

Now, we had each other, and I wasn't going to let that go.  I wrapped my arms around her, and felt her relax against me.  She slung her arm across my chest, and I kissed her on the forehead.  This is how I wanted to fall asleep every night for the rest of our lives.  I watched her for a few minutes.  She was out cold.  I could feel the weight of her on me, and it helped me relax.  Shortly after she fell asleep, I turned off the movie and fell fast asleep.

I woke up the next morning in a slight panic because Rory wasn't in bed next to me.  I jumped out of bed to find her.  Then I remembered that it was morning and she probably went to make herself some coffee, as it is a part of her very existence.  I went to the main room, where I found her staring at the fireplace.  She seemed to be lost in thought.  She hadn't noticed I'd entered the room, nor did she hear the knocking on our suite door.  I wondered what she was thinking about.

"Rory?" I said trying to get her attention.

"Ground control to Major Tom!" I said jokingly.

She finally came back to the reality.  There was still someone knocking on the door, and at this hour, I was hoping it was room service.  I was already on my way to the door when she got off the couch.  There were several trays outside the door.  Rory must have ordered just about everything on the menu.

"Is there anything left for the other people to eat?" I said smiling.

"I guess, maybe, I was a little hungry this morning, and I thought you would be, too," she replied.  "Logan, I'm really sorry about last night.  I overreacted.  There's just been so much on my mind lately and I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster and I can't get off."

"Ace, it's ok.  Your hormones are running amok with the pregnancy," I replied softly.  "I'm still here for you, just like before!"

"I know.  I'm just not used to being with you yet," she said.  "Now, let's eat!"