Back To You - A Camren Story

Buried Feelings

Lauren and Camila stayed there after they had danced together, and after their special kiss. Camila's heart was fluttering to the point where she didn't even remember exactly how to breathe.  But under the circumstances, she was fine with it. They were now both laying on the blanket, gazing up at the stars and moon.

"What now?" Camila quietly asked, as she tightly held Lauren's hand.

"Just be here, in the moment with me." Lauren answered, looking over at the beautiful brown eyed girl.

"And after that?"

"Who knows..." Lauren's voice drifted. " But whatever happens, I want you by my side, Camz."

Camila sighed. "Why didn't you ever call?"

"Camz... don't" Lauren loosened her grip on Camila's hand.

"No, why didn't you ever try to reach me? Five years, I waited for you. I waited for a call or an email or a letter... and I never got anything." Camila's voice turned stone cold. "I loved you... as much and as deeply as a fourteen year old can love, I know that I did. I know that what I felt for you was real... and leaving Miami didn't break me Lauren. Not at all... sure it hurt to say goodbye to you, but I wasn't broken then. What broke me, was a particular night. I remember it so clearly, like it happened just yesterday. Laying alone in my bed, in the dark. I was listening to happy love songs, unlike the usual sad break up music. And I remember taking a deep breath, and letting all of my emotions out... and I cried. I sobbed and I just cried for you, so loudly that I was sure I woke up my parents. I knew it wouldn't do anyone any good to cry for you like that, but what else was I supposed to do? I wasn't crying because I moved or because of the times you asked me to step back... no. I was crying because for the first time in a year since I had left Miami, something hit me. It hit me so hard it knocked the wind out of me... and I couldn't accept the painful fact that you and me... we would never be anything more than what we consisted of our freshmen year. We were nothing, we were babies. Yet in the midst of being nothing, you gave me feelings that translated into galaxies and oceans, powerful feelings that swept me off my feet and took me away from reality. That's the kind of person I fell in love with. So, I cried... because at that moment, despite all hope and fantasies, I knew you weren't going to call. I knew with all my heart I had given you an out, and you took it a little too quickly." Camila was softly and silently crying as she remembered such painful feelings. She wiped away her tears. "So I'm asking.. why didn't you call?"

Lauren was speechless. She didn't know what to say, she felt absolutely awful.

"I wasn't ready to be in love with you... but the fact that I was in love with you scared me way too much for me to handle. It's a shame that I let it get to me that badly Camila, because I loved you... and you loved me. Damn, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Two people who love each other should have had the chance to experience that together, and the little bit that we did experience, I made it miserable for the both of us, because my fear got in the way... and so did my pride. So I guess if you're asking why I didn't call, I guess it's because I couldn't bring myself to do it. Do you know how many nights I spent praying to God to make me straight? How much time I spent wishing away my feelings, all because I felt them for a girl? Camila, it drove me insane! I hated myself so much that it made me cry myself to sleep every night, and the fact that I was ashamed of loving you made me feel even worse. So when someone gets handed the chance to walk away from something they were afraid to have... they walk away." Lauren shook her head telling the honest truth.
Camila took a moment to process the words coming out of Lauren's mouth. She looked at the sky, breathing deeply. Then she looked into Lauren's emerald eyes, getting a glimpse of everything she ever dreamed of.

"Kiss me again." Camila requested, looking down at Lauren's delicious lips. And without a slight hesitation, Lauren pressed her lips against Camila's soft, pink lips. They fit so perfectly, the way that their lips danced made both of them forget any reason they ever had to not love one another. Camila ran her hand through Lauren's silky dark hair, no longer fighting the strong force of attraction she felt for Lauren, and it took over her mind and body. Lauren kissed Camila so passionately, biting her bottom lip a few times, as quiet and short moans would slip out from them both. As Camila started to kiss Lauren's neck and slightly down her shirt, Lauren got more into it. She positioned herself on top of Camila as Camila laid down on the sand. They continued to passionately make out, kissing away the painful memories they had just discussed. Lauren on top of Camila, as they kissed, Lauren slipped a hand down Camila white jeans. She felt how wet Camila was, but before carrying out the act, Lauren removed her hand, and kissed Camila one more time.

"I can't go any further.." Lauren excused herself.

"I know" Camila understood. "You know I'm not going to be able to stop smiling now, right?"

"I know" Lauren laughed, as Camila sweetly rested her head on Lauren's shoulder. "Please don't, it's actually the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, I'm not kidding. The only thing better than your smile, is when you smile at me."