Back To You - A Camren Story

Until It Doesn't Hurt

"So what's the point?" Lauren asked, breaking inside. She wanted to continue this conversation and drag it out until Camila changed her mind. But she knew that this time there would be no changing, there would be no sacrifices or chances. Camila was done and Lauren didn't know how to comprehend that.

"What do you mean?" Camila asked, wanting Lauren to never leave but fighting her honest feelings.

"I mean what's the point of everything? What's the point in you coming back to Miami after five years, working at the same place I work, and us being together again only to end like this? What's the point in all of fate and irony if you're just going to leave me again? Just like you did when you went to New York." Lauren tried to breathe but she looked as if she were about to burst into tears. Her hands were subtly shaking and Camila could tell her voice was wavering.

"Maybe that is the point." Camila said, not knowing exactly what she meant. "Maybe the point of it all is to show us that not everyone gets their happy endings. That you can love someone so much and not end up with them in the end. It happens... it's unfair, but it has to happen, right? There has to be the ones who don't get their happy endings. At least not with each other."

Lauren was silent, she hated that answer because she knew it was true. It made sense. It hurt like hell but it made sense.

"Lauren. I need to free myself. I'm doing this for both of us, but mostly I'm doing it for me." Camila tried explaining, but all Lauren could hear was goodbye. Lauren nodded, looking away from her deep brown eyes. Lauren tried so hard not to cry but a few getaway tears ran down her cheeks. Her starry green eyes were just as shiny as they had always been, and Camila still had the courage to be strong, and walk away. Lauren had meant to tell Camila that Fifth Harmony was moving to California soon, but she didn't. She didn't want to tell her that they might never see each other again, she didn't even want to accept it herself. She didn't want to live her dream if Camila wasn't beside her, but now that she had figured that out, it was too late. "Go and live your dreams, Lauren Jauregui. Do good. You read my letter so you know what I think of you and how I believe in you. Go and accomplish what you were made for." Camila added, unsure if Lauren would say anything else.

"Okay." Lauren nodded, taking a deep breath. And with that, she turned and walked out the door. And finally, Camila could breathe again.

Camila knew how badly she would hurt for a while, she knew it wouldn't heal right away. She knew that despite being away from Lauren, the effect she has doesn't go away - it doesn't simply leave your mind. Camila was stuck on Lauren her entire life, whether she realized it or not. When she moved away to New York, she was stuck on Lauren. The sole purpose of her really coming back to Miami was Lauren, and she could admit that now. She wasn't ashamed or embarassed to love Lauren, she didn't regret it either. Yes, she wished it had played out differently but she would never take any of it back. Because as sad as it was, Lauren was worth the heart break. Loving Lauren, touching her, holding her hand, sleeping next to her... every single minute of that was worth the unbearable pain radiating throughout her chest. When Camila thought about it, and how long she loved Lauren, she knew that she would truthfully never love anyone as much as she loved Lauren, and it broke her more than anything to know that she would never get to hold her again. Never get to kiss her again or sleep next to her again. She remembered the night they stayed on the beach, and how simple it was. How happy she became during their relationship. She pushed out the bad memories as much as she could now, there was no more sense in dwelling on mistakes. So she knew it was going to hurt, it was going to hurt until it didn't anymore. And she had no idea when that would be, if it would ever be.