Back To You - A Camren Story

Break My Heart

"Well... say something." Camila uttered, getting more scared of Lauren's reaction by the minute.

Lauren stared at Camila, frozen. She was unable to think or move or barely even breathe. What the hell did Camila just say? 

"Oh my God." Lauren blurted out. "No" She shook her head, locking eyes with her girlfriend. She connected the dots, and it started to make sense. She understood what exactly was happening.

"What?" Camila snapped, wanting Lauren to elaborate.

"She doesn't want you. Trust me." Lauren dictated.

"Excuse me?" Camila huffed. "Is it so hard to believe that someone might show interest in me other than you? Is it so far off to think that someone might be dying inside to call me theirs? Lauren, I know the way I feel about you, and it will never change... but you have to start acting like you want me... you don't even act like you're lucky to have me sometimes. You can't just assume -"

"Stop, it's not that." Lauren cut her off, trying to gather the courage to confess the situation.

"Don't tell me to stop, you can't just declare what is and what isn't!"

"No really, I need you to stop talking so I can hear myself think." Lauren breathed. "I lied to you when I said that I didn't know Lucy, that I had never been friends with her." Camila didn't say anything, she quietly let Lauren talk. "When the girls and I got a job at Golden, she was the first person that I became friends with. She was the first person I connected with in the same way I connected with you. It was different with her though.. she was never my best friend. I know you don't want to hear this and I'm sorry, but I have to tell you everything. In the beginning, I was curious about her, and her lifestyle. I had never met a stripper before, I wanted to know what her life was like. I wanted to know her. If I had known... Camila, I thought you had forgotten about me. If I had known you hadn't, maybe I wouldn't of even gotten involved with her. One night, she approached me after I had gotten done singing and we talked for the longest time. She bought me some drinks, even though I was only eighteen and before I knew it, we were hooking up every weekend. And then hooking up became a relationship and I got scared out of my mind. I ended things with her, and I told her she was the only girl I had ever liked, and the last girl I would  ever like."

"You dated her?" Camila let this information process. "She told me she didn't know you. You told me you didn't know her. You lied to me?"

"I'm sorry."

"I don't understand... if she dated you, and knows we're together, why did she kiss me? She begged me to end things with you so I would be with her. I don't get it."

"Camila, that's not all." Lauren confessed. "Before I left... I cheated on you. With her." She choked. Her throat burned as if she just downed an entire bottle of vodka. Lauren expected her to react badly, to lash out or cry or do anything. But she didn't. Camila didn't react, she just stared into Lauren's eyes, as if she refused to believe that. "I'm sorry. If I could take it back, I would. She just kissed me and I shouldn't of kissed back. I am so sorry." Lauren went on, waiting for Camila to yell or say anything at all.

"She was trying to get me to break up with you. So she could have you." The painful truth dawned on Camila, as she realized how badly she had been played by the both of them. Camila tried to hold back her tears but they spilled down her cheeks faster than she was thinking this through. They kept coming, silent tears that stung with every one. "It's funny" Camila wiped away a few tears, but more just kept coming. "I was nervous tonight, to tell you that Lucy kissed me. I thought you would be the one angry and upset."

"And I can't believe she would go that far.. but I'm not mad at you." Lauren said.

"Of course you aren't." Camila almost laughed. "Why should you be? I was completely tricked... completely and utterly fooled. By both of you. Why in God's name would you ever be mad at me in this situation? You are a liar, Lauren. This is on you. Not me."

"Camz..."

"Don't." Camila angrily demanded. "Don't call me that." She shook her head, trying to think of what do to. Her chested ached, she felt like she had been punched in the stomach. The wind was knocked out of her and she was fighting for air.

"For two weeks, I sat and wondered why you didn't tell me you loved me back. I had finally gained the courage to tell you how I felt and you didn't say it back. And to be honest, I was kind of shocked. I thought you had grown, I thought you had changed from who you were five years ago when I left for New York. I mean, I think anyone would assume that a person changes a lot since their freshman year. You're twenty years old, and yet you are the same person that you were, if not worse. The same person who is so damn scared of love, that they avoid it at all costs. You are like, incapable of love or something. I don't know what it is about me that isn't good enough for you, but I am literally willing to change myself to make you love me. How sad is that?  I think the worst part is, I loved the person that you used to be, and I love the person that you are now. I never stopped loving you, not even when I was without you for so long. I thought loving you was a good thing, I thought I was made entirely just to love you. But all loving you does, is hurt. And I don't want to hurt anymore."