My Lighthouse

Memory of the past

When Mark arrived at the breakfast room, Sheila had left already. When he asked Shane where she was, he tried to sound as normally interested as he could. Shane looked at him, without smiling. She was looking terrible, he said as if he expected an explanation of Mark. You don't have any idea why? Mark looked at Shane. Why should I know that? That was my question as well, Shane answered ironically. He knew his friend longer than he knew any of them present here and he also knew, Mark had something to do with Sheila's state of mind. He maybe was in love himself, but he wasn't blind. Don't tell me, you don't know, she likes you more than just being a man whom she works for, he hissed between his teeth. I love you as my brother Mark, but don't you destroy her fragile heart. She wouldn't survive. She's had enough misery in her life. How do you know? Mark asked frustrated. She never talks about her past. You don't need to talk to her, to see that, don't you? Shane said firmly to his friend. Did you never wonder why she doesn't talk about her family, why she's wearing those stupid oversized clothes? She's hiding Mark. Hiding for demons, we don't have. We were lucky to get born within loving families. I want to bet, she didn't. Mark looked down without seeing anything. You are probably right. I will go to her cottage to talk to her. Oh no you won't! Listen Mark, Shane put his arm around his friends shoulder, I don't know what happened last night, but it obviously upset her like never before. She hates the feeling she's having now, so probably she will push you away by telling you everything is all write. Let it be, for a few days and act like you always do. Maybe when she's calmed down, she'll eventually be feeling better. Mark pulled up his shoulders. Maybe you're right. We'll see.

Sheila had eaten breakfast as early as she could. After Mark's wild night, he would definitely not be the first one to have breakfast. Maybe he even had breakfast in bed with her. Sheila couldn't get the images out of her mind of the woman touching Mark's naked body and asking him to come back to bed again. "It's none of your fucking business, you stupid ass" she shouted to her image in the mirror. "Get a grip of yourself and do what you're here for........where they hired you for!!" "No one wants you for anything else than your capability to handle this whole operation". "He will never see you, the way you see him", she whispered to her image in the mirror. "Look at you....and stop making a fool out of yourself". She could hardly hear her own words when her fingertips touched her image in the mirror. Her fingers touched the scarves on her belly, she didn't even wanted to see the once on her back. Tears fell down her face. The horror of her past would always hunt her down.

If I can't have you, no one will, her ex boyfriend had screamed at her. Were he got the knife from, Sheila didn't know, but he kept on stabbing her until he thought she was dead. It had taken her months to wake up again, 12 years ago from now. When she woke up, no one was there. She had to fight for herself. When her father came a few days later, he had accused her of being stupid to upset her boyfriend they way she had. She should have seen this coming. And what was she thinking of leaving him? She wouldn't get any better man than him, because she wasn't worth more than that. Eventually the doctor and the nurse had come in to send him away, to never come back again. She was so upset, that she had asked the doctor why he had saved her life in the first place. She would have been better of dead. The female nurse Christie couldn't stand seeing her suffer that much and took care of her ever since. She became her surrogate mum, whom she never had. Her mother had died when she was 3 years old and after that a lot of "mums " came and went away again. She had learned to push her feelings away to survive the test of time. Christie had learned her, to fight for her happiness and she leaned her the best thing possible, to love someone. Christie really loved her as if she was a daughter of her own and Sheila her as her mum. That's why she had Christie's last name. After a few years Christie had asked her father if she was aloud to adopt her. He first thought, she was making a joke. But when he realized she was serious, he had thrown her out of the house. What he forgot though, was that Christie became 18 that year and she was aloud to decide by herself if she got adopted or not. After that every contact with her father went by mail or post and since 9 years she hadn't have any contact with him at all anymore. Christie had learned her to be extra proud of what she had achieved today. A good job and lots of respect of Christie and Louis who were the only ones who knew about her story. The phone rang and Sheila was glad she got some distraction.
He sweetheart, do you have time, let's say within an hours? It was John, he wanted to speak some things through about tomorrow. Tomorrow would be their first working day on the set. Yes of course, Sheila answered as happy as she could. See you at twelve then. You're coming to my cottage? Sheila asked. Yep! I'll be there.

Mark couldn't get her out of his mind and he decided to ignore Shane's advice and walked towards Sheila's cottage. Without her seeing him, he stood behind the palm trees doubting if he would go any further than this. The doors to her living room were open and he could hear their Westlife music on her stereo. Sheila always took along her own stereo installation, because she hated bad quality of sound. That was one of the little things she had told him once, that music saved her life. He thought, she didn't meant literally. Now he doubted if he was right back then. Sheila was working behind her laptop with her glasses almost on the top of her nose. She looked up, pushed her glasses against her face and took the cup of tea from the table. She hold the mug between her two hands like if she was cold. She now held the mug in one hand while her other took her glasses of her nose, put them on the table and stroke her face with her whole hand. She put her head backwards as if to stretch her neck. He saw her staring at the wall. She sipped at her tea and put it back on the table. He could see her body shock when she breathed the air in. He realized she had been crying and felt a stab in his stomach. Sure he didn't have a relationship with her, he could do whatever he wanted to do, but somewhere along the way there was this "but...." in his mind. He always liked her as his friend. He never saw her as more than that. Until last night. When he saw how beautiful and feminine she looked swimming in the water, her hair around her like it got blown in the wind. What if Shane was true? And she liked him more than a friend? How would that work in the future? Mark felt so confused, that he realized it was better to go away and talk to her about it on another day. Maybe when he got more answers of his own. As he walked back to the hotel he past John. They just said "hi" and Mark walked into the hotel to search for the boys in the bar.

When John entered her cottage, he asked, how was Mark doing? Sorry? Sheila was shocked by his question. I haven't seen him since yesterday, so I really shouldn't know. Why? John frowned. He just passed me by, when he came from your cottage. Sheila took a deep breath. Had Mark come to her cottage to talk to her and did he change his mind? He probably realized too, that it was none of her business. But she had to stay focused now, so she threw her thoughts about Mark away, like she had leaned herself so often in the past and started working with John, to direct the whole day of tomorrow. There were to much people involved to make any mistakes. Time was money, so if things went wrong she would be the one to blame.

After they finished working, John asked her, if she would like to go out with him tonight. Sure, why not? She had said to him and gave him a beautiful smile. John's heart missed a beat when he looked at her. May I ask you something? he said carefully. Sure, she answered more at ease than she felt. Why do you always wear glasses and no contact lenses? You have a beautiful face, but it's always hidden behind your glasses. Sheila blushed. Thank you for your sweet compliment, she said. Do you want me to wear my contact lenses tonight? Well, with a beautiful dress to it, that would be nice, he laughed. A dress? I don't have a dress, she said softly. Maybe you should think about that sometimes. You have to wear one at the charity ball, so you better get used to it. He blinked at her and smiled. You are worth to show yourself to the world and not always hiding. Well, these are enough compliments for today, she said firmly and stood up from her chair. One thing at the time okay? She opened the door as if to say, he had to leave.....