My Lighthouse

Going home

She stared at the ceiling of her apartment. It had been two weeks ago now, since they came back from Africa. The romantic feeling she had all those days, had been gone in an instant. How could he have been so stupid to have sex without a condom? The first time, he thought about using one, he told her, but the second time he had been confused because of Sheila, who he saw swimming in that beautiful bathing suit of hers. So now it's my fault, she had said irritated. She had been so awfully jealous, when she heard he had sex with her twice on their first date, that she refused talking about it ever since. Meanwhile Jacky had made contact with their layers to talk things through, about what was going to happen next. Sheila was shocked that she already tried to ask for money, almost three days after she had been visiting Sheila at her apartment. Although Sheila had been in a shock, Mark and Sheila decided not to tell Louis. Sure they had to tell him about the pregnancy, but not of the way Sheila reacted to it all. She had done her job as well as always and they even went home two days earlier, because they were ready early. No one spoke about the last days and to be honest, this whole terrible and painful story irritated almost everyone. They all had seen how happy and in love Sheila and Mark had been and now this "Gold-digger" destroyed their happiness completely. They all experienced the complete different atmosphere during the last few days and that's why they were all glad to go home. Mark had tried to talk to Sheila about it, but she felt so emotional by it all, that she had asked Mark to leave her alone for a little while. She had kissed him with tears in her eyes and told him she still loved him, but that she had to sort everything out in her mind as well as in her heart. It had been again a shock for her about something which concerned him and again Jacky was involved, not she. She wasn't blaming him for having sex with Jacky, because she already knew that. But the fact that he had sex with her without using protection, was something she did blame him.... a lot. Look where it brought them. And she had told the lads this so often. What had he been thinking? But whatever he had done, it didn't changed the way she felt for him. She still loved him and she missed especially his presence around her. Louis had decided to keep them apart for a while. Well not at the office, because work had to be done. But he warned them not to be seen in public together.

Sheila stepped out of her bed and walked into the bathroom. She had to wash this pain away from her. The water was falling down on her face when she looked up. The water mixed with her tears, so no one would ever see her pain. She softly stroke with her hands over her belly and felt every scar there. She had to be in the hospital within two hours and she was nervous. Because of the whole drama with Jacky's pregnancy, Sheila wanted to know if she could have any kids of her own one day. Her ex had stabbed her so many times in her belly, that the doctors were scared about her ability to have any. She didn't care about that back then, but now she wanted to know. What if she couldn't get any kids? She had seen the twinkle in Mark's eyes when they talked about the baby whale and of course they also meant a baby of their own. He had kissed her passionately and thinking about it all over again made her body glow. While tears fell down her face, her hands caressed her own body as if it were Mark's hands and she started to scream from frustration and sadness. She hated her body, but Mark had given her the feeling that she was beautiful again. She saw herself in the bathroom mirror and hated even more what she was seeing now. She took the bottle of shampoo and threw it against the mirror. I hate you! I hate you! She screamed and sank on the floor of the shower. Not able to stop crying.

Mark looked at his watch. Jacky and her layer had asked him to come to the hospital for the ultrasound. This way he could see by himself, she was pregnant of his child and Jacky hoped he would believe her then. This way she had a strong case and Mark would stop calling her a liar. Mark had taken along his mother, because she always sentenced when something was wrong about anything. She looked at him when they entered the nursery department. Are you ready for it? Are you, he asked back. I can handle more than you think, she smiled and they walked inside.

Sheila was just in time for her appointment and pushed the door open to the waiting room. Within a few minutes they already called her name. Sweat was in her hands and she regretted, she turned Christie's offer down to join her. They asked her to lay down on the surgery bed and put the gel on her belly while they prepared the ultrasound machine to look at the effects of the scars underneath her skin. Two doctors where called in to look together with her own doctor, at the little screen and they all talked in riddles for her. Suddenly they turned to Sheila and tried to explain to her what they were seeing on the screen. The knife and later the scars had definitely damaged her uterus and they were afraid she wouldn't be able to make a pregnancy to a good end. Maybe in the beginning it would be alright for the baby, but as bigger the baby would get, the more dangerous it would become because of the adhesions of the flesh within her uterus. So I am not able to have children of my own? Sheila asked while tears were falling down her face for the second time that day. Maybe you can, the doctor said carefully, but it will be a huge risk for the baby when it's getting bigger and maybe for you as well. Sheila got dressed and although she heard everything they said, she couldn't respond to anything anymore. Are you alright? her doctor asked. Shall we call someone, to pick you up? But Sheila could only shake her head and walked out of the room as being hypnotized. The door next to her opened and she suddenly looked straight into Mark's eyes. His mother was walking behind him and then she saw her. Jacky walked next to his mother with a big self conscious smile on her face. Sheila bit her lip and felt her stomach turn around. She ran away from them straight to the toilets and threw up. She went down on her knees crying and her arms on the toilet when she felt the content of her stomach coming out. She wished she could disappear right now, but she was even to upset to worry about that. When she calmed down a little, she felt Mark's hands around her waist to pull her up. No! Leave me alone, she whispered. No I won't, she heard him answer. You're coming with me and I won't tolerate anything else. He pulled her up and turned her around. She saw his beautiful blue eyes looking at her in sorrow. Behind him his mother Marie. Hi sweetheart, Marie said and with a towel she got from the doctor, she cleaned Sheila's face. Sheila saw her doctor coming into the toilets and asked, are you aquatints to Sheila? Mark nodded, yes I am her boyfriend. Sheila wanted to protest but even that was to much now. The doctor shook Mark's hand and said, so you know why she was here, but unfortunately we had bad news for the two of you. Still I am glad your boyfriend is here now to take you home now. She looked at Sheila when she continued, it's maybe a strange place to tell you this, but as we are her with your family, I can say that I forgot to tell you, that now you can't have any children of your own, you may stop taking the birth control pill if you want to. These hormones are never good for a person, but take your time thinking about it and I see you next time. Mark couldn't believe what he had just heard the doctor say. If he hadn't heard this now, Sheila would never have told him. She would probably have pushed him away and Mark would never have known what had happen to her. She looked at him in despair, but Marie realized that she had to get out of the hospital as soon as possible. Take her home with you, she said firmly. I will call your dad to pick me up. Are you sure? Mark asked her, but he knew the answer to that already. His mother was a strong woman and he didn't worry about her a lot. She would come home. Mark lifted Sheila up into his arms and like she belonged now where else, she put her arms around his neck and lay her head against his shoulder. Oh sweetheart, how much did I missed you, Mark said softly. You have no idea, how good it feels to hold you in my arms again. Mark looked down at her and smiled. Sheila had her eyes closed and breathed slowly, she fell asleep in his arms. He carefully put her down in the car and drove to his house. I will take you home sweetheart, he said, realizing she couldn't hear him. But although the reason she was with him now, was very sad, Mark felt happiness as well. Maybe he could convince her to stay.....