My Lighthouse

Getting close

Surgery took almost six hours, which was far longer than expected. During surgery they faced some complications, but nothing they couldn't handle in the end. Christie decided to lay down for a while, though Mark was to nervous and scared, something would go wrong along the way. He knew it wasn't an operation without risks, so did Sheila. Still that was the risk she wanted to take. Mark felt a stitch in his stomach, like someone put a knife in it and turned it around to hurt him even more. He closed his eyes and put his head against the wall behind him. Being here now, made him realize what effort and especially what kind of risk Sheila took. Not just for her, but for them. She wanted to try to restore her body to give a pregnancy a chance. And what did he do? Mark bended forward and berried his face in his hands. He drank so much, he almost forgot about her.

He thought she had pushed him out of her life, until she would be strong enough to face their relationship again. While Mark wanted to fight this battle together with her. He had loved the idea, she needed him. And by pushing him away, she gave him a feeling she didn't needed him at all. He forgot, she wasn't aloud to speak about anything negative in her life, until they would be back from touring. He forgot, how well Sheila knew being on tour felt like. And for a moment he forgot, he knew her for nine years already, only in a different way. The Sheila of back then, wasn't the Sheila she was now. She was still his soulmate, his best friend, but she had become his heart too. Without her, it didn't beat at all. The way she moved to seduce him, or to give him a sign that she loved him even when he was on stage, was a feeling no one could give him. He smiled as he thought about the evening she wore that beautiful red dress. She had never looked so beautiful as than. All the heads turned as she walked by. Even the woman who saw her, couldn't hate her for her beauty. Sheila would never be a thread to their husbands, as her eyes were only pointed at him. She only saw Mark in her life.

And now she thought he betrayed her. He put his hand in his pocket and played with her ring which Christie gave him. Sheila wasn't aloud to wear jewelry during surgery, that's why she took it if. It gave Mark hope she still loved him. Despite everything, she hadn't taken of her engagement ring. And when she fell asleep, she had whispered she loved him. She cried when she said that and again Mark felt the stitch in his stomach. The pain he felt inside by the idea he had hurt her so badly, only got worse now he had seen her again. Touched her lips. They felt so soft and tasted like lemon and honey. Probably from the tea she had been drinking that early morning. Eating she wasn't aloud to do.

The door opened and the surgeon, doctor Dave entered the room. Mark immediately pushed himself out of the chair and felt how much his body hurt after six hours of waiting. He looked the doctor in his eyes, scared about what he was going to tell them. Doctor Dave looked tired, but satisfied. He smiled at Mark, when in the corner of his eye he noticed Christie awakening from her slightly short sleep. Mark saw the both of them blush when they looked at each other and frowned. Did they knew one another? Why did they blush? Oh well, Sheila was more important now, he would ask Christie about it later.

She did great, the doctor smiled at Mark. Dave firmly stroke his face when he continued, there were some complications along the way, but nothing we couldn't handle. We took away a lot of tissue which was formed on the inside of her stomach as well as her uterus. Even if she had not wanted to have children that badly, it would have become an operation in the future. The adhesions would have had damaged her body to much, as time passed by.

Somewhere in the background Mark heard the doctor explain, what they had faced during surgery. Christie understood that better than him, so he would ask her about it later. Mark could only think about one sentence doctor Dave had said. Something he said in the beginning. "Even is she had not wanted to have children that badly " He repeated it again and again in his head. Mark closed his eyes. He felt such an asshole all of a sudden. How could he have missed that? Sure he knew she wanted children of their own, but he had always thought she wanted it more for him, than for herself. To please his needs. Oh sweetheart, he moaned inside of him.

When can I see her? Mark interrupted doctor Dave. She will be brought into the recovery room within about ten minutes. They were almost ready when I left the room. Mark bit his lower lip and put his hands in his pockets. The ring pushing into his skin as he clenched his fists. He had been so stupid! He thought she was busy with all that baby stuff because of Jacky. He just didn't see it. A nurse came into the room, looked at Mark and said softly, she's ready. You can see her now. Mark turned around towards Christie, who smiled at him and nodded. You go first, she wants to see you first I think. I will be there soon. She looked at Dave and blushed. We have to talk some things through first. You go. Mark smiled. There was definitely something going on between those two, but he was sure he would hear about that later.

Please don't be in shock sir, when you see her with all the tubes and wires, the nurse warned him as he opened the door, but Mark hardly heard her. He only saw Sheila, laying in this big white hospital room, with machines all around her and sounds he never heard before. Tears came in his eyes as he slowly approached her. Her eyes were still closed and by looking at the monitor, her heartbeat was steady. She hasn't awakened yet, the nurse whispered and pushed a chair next to the bed. Do you need anything sir? She asked friendly like they were somewhere in a nice four star hotel at the beachside. Tea would be nice, Mark answered and was amazed by the sound of his own voice. It was a hoarse and raw voice as if he had been screaming all night. He felt like that though, that was one thing he knew for sure. But seeing her like this, confused and upset his complete being.

He carefully took her hand as if it could break any moment and bended over to kiss her soft lips. A tear fell on her face and with his thumb he slow wiped it off. Oh sweetheart, I love you so much, he whispered and softly kissed her again. He gently caressed her cheek and his other hand softly rubbed hers. He wished he could pull out all of the wires and tubes, take her in his arms and bring her home with him. But he knew that wouldn't be possible for the next few weeks. He sat down on the chair, the nurse had put there for him and couldn't get his eyes of her face. She looked so vulnerable and sad. I am so sorry, I didn't see you well enough, Mark whispered. I was so busy with myself, I didn't see your needs. If God is willingly enough sweetheart, he will give us our beautiful love baby. I know for sure He will. Tears fell down his face as he softly put down his head on their strangled hands. I never wanted anyone more than I want you. He closed his eyes and suddenly felt how tired he was. The plain trip home had been long and exhausting.

Sheila slowly opened her eyes and noticed all the wires and tubes on her body. She felt so tired. She was glad though, she was still alive, even if it would be without Mark. She closed her eyes again when she suddenly realized someone was laying partly on her hand partly on her bed. She didn't wanted to open her eyes as she recognized his breathing. She knew for sure she was dreaming and that if she would open her eyes, he would be gone. Her heart started beating faster, as it felt so real. But she knew he was in China. Louis would never let go of him! Never! Tears slowly fell down her face as she tried to pull her hand away from him. Why did he feel so realistic? Why did she torture herself so much?

Hi beautiful, she heard his voice say all of a sudden. Please don't do this, she whispered. Why are you doing this to me? Why do I feel him so close to me? Mark looked at her and his complete body responded to her soft and begging voice. She was still hurt and she thought she was dreaming. He took a deep breath, bended over and caressed her lips with his before he softly kissed her. The computer started beeping and Mark grinned. Her heartbeat went through the roof when she suddenly realized, he was really there. With his lips still against hers she whispered, when I open my eyes are you still there then? Her breathing was irregular which got perfectly registered by the computers standing around her. The nurse entered the room and immediately blushed when she saw the reason of the changing heartbeat of her patient. Oh I am sorry, she mumbled. Mark laughed softly as his face was still close to Sheila's. Hmm it's good these machines aren't connected to my body. Again Sheila's computer beeped loudly. You are awful, you know that? You even want to have sex with a half unconscious woman. Sheila didn't wanted to think about Mark's "adventure" with this other woman. He was here now and that was all that mattered. She was to tired, emotionally as well as physically. Tired of fighting. Although she knew one thing for sure, she would definitely fight for her heart.......