My Lighthouse

Reality hits hard

Mark, I understand we may congratulate you?! Graham Norton looked at him as if it was a complete normal question to ask. Congratulate with what? Mark asked back, without getting his smile of his face. He knew they always tried to get information out of him, even if they didn't know it was true. They told me, you proposed to your girlfriend Sheila. When is it going to happen Mark? Did you two lovebirds already set a date? Mark laughed softly as if he didn't mind him asking, but deep in his heart he hated these questions according to his private life. He fidgeting a bit on his jacket. Well maybe I'll ask her some day, but definitely not now. We're very busy with our tour "the greatest hits" and just released our new single "Lighthouse", so even if I wanted to, there's just no time what so ever. Graham smiled, but Mark knew he was disappointed, he didn't confirm what Graham had heard. To try just once, Graham asked him, so after the tour, in June next year, the chance is there we maybe having a wedding in August?

Shane noticed Mark got irritated and answered for him. Well that's not really relevant now, because we need Sheila far to much on our U.K. Tour. After that we're of to China, Sweden, Germany and our last gig in Dublin of course. So even if he wanted to,we, Shane pointed at all the lads, aren't there, because we're on tour. They all laughed to convince Graham he was way of the truth, but in their hearts they were all disappointed. Someone they knew had talked about Mark's upcoming wedding without having permission to talk. Mark looked aside at Sheila, who stood backstage watching their performance. She put her thumb up, to let him know he did just fine. Graham saw it too, but he knew he couldn't ask any question about it anymore, otherwise the conversation would get the wrong atmosphere. Sheila blinked at him, to let him know it was enough and they wouldn't tell him anything anyway.

On their way home, Mark was still irritated and annoyed because of the whole interview. Graham was always nice to them, especially when the camera was off. But this time he overwhelmed Mark with questions he wasn't prepared for. Graham knew, how much Mark hated situations like this. They talked about it often enough, out of the site of the cameras. Why did he asked him about it anyway? They were there to talk about their tour and their newest single. Why are these shows always searching for things they didn't wanted to mention? Oh come on buddy, Nicky said grinning. You know how it works. At least they talk about you. And you know what they say....? Sheila sat in the front seat of the taxi bus and turned around to look at Nicky and shook her head without Mark noticing. Let it be, she said without making a sound and to change the subject she asked Shane, "Lighthouse"went well, didn't it? Mark I loved your solo part, Shane immediately responded to Sheila's question. Shane understood what she wanted to do, so he went along with talking about other subjects.

Mark slammed the door and walked into the kitchen straight away. Sheila walked behind him, not really understanding why he was that upset. They had such a lovely morning, where they made love so tenderly. A great breakfast, well a brunch actually, in the sun outside in the garden and now he was the opposite. She opened the kitchen door and saw how Mark was pouring himself a whiskey, which he drank in one gulp and poured in another one. A white wine please, Sheila asked him without losing him out of her sight. He did what she asked, but still didn't say a word. He sat down in the large arm chair and stared into the dark fireplace. Sheila didn't wanted to follow him around to get his attention. She wasn't the one who hurt him, but he did punish her for it though, by ignoring her.

They silenced for a while and were both lost in their own thoughts. Sheila stood with her back against the kitchen sink. The only part she could see of him were his feet. He hide himself, for Lord knows what kind of reason, in his chair and apparently he didn't wanted to talk. Sheila put her glass down, harder and louder than she was attended to. I am going to take a shower and then off to bed. I don't know what you're going to do, but I will see you later. Sheila was very irritated by his behavior. Like if she was the fault of his crucifixion on tonight's show. Mark still didn't answer. Sheila pushed against the door to walk out, when she stopped. If you have changed your mind by marrying me, then just say so! But don't give me the silence treatment, because you're upset by questions you hadn't expected. I am not your enemy here. I have protected you against this shit for almost nine years now and yes, it will be different if you marry me. But I never asked you to love me, or marry me. If you can't handle the questions about it or the idea of getting married upsets you to much, than don't do it. We can stay friends. It's not to late for that. But never, never blame me for feelings you can't handle yourself!

Without saying another word, Sheila closed the door and walked up the stairs. It broke her heart to say these words to him and she was so scared he faced reality, when Graham asked him all those questions about their upcoming marriage. Maybe he just realized what he actually asked her. Mark wanted peace of mind. And by marrying her, he would get the opposite. They would follow him around with everything he did from now on. Every woman he would speak to or whatever, they would ask him about. Or her, for that matter. But the press piranhas, like he preferred to call them, chased him for so long already. Sheila thought he knew better than that, by now. She heard the glass of the Whiskey bottle ticking against his drinking glass. He probably poured himself another whiskey.

With a heart that hurt badly and a mind scared and confused, Sheila stepped under the shower. She closed her eyes as she felt the warm water floating over her face. The water got mixed with her tears and the pain in her heart made her want to scream against the silence of the night. She punished herself by turning the heat of the water up, as it fell down on her body. The steam filled the bathroom, which made it hard to see further than an inch away from her. She turned around and with her hands she pushed against the cold tiles, while the heat of the water stream colored her skin red. Why am I getting punished every time I feel my life can't get any better? She whispered. Mama why don't you help me? She begged while she looked up at the ceiling. If I am not aloud to be happy mama, then why didn't you come for me, when Ian tried to kill me? They shouldn't have saved me then.

Tears fell down her face, when she suddenly felt Mark's arms around her body. He was still having his clothes on, when he tried to pull her away from the heat of the water. She could smell the sent of Whiskey from behind. No! Leave me alone! Sheila yelled. But Mark wasn't thinking about letting her go. With his face against her naked back, he said, I am sorry Sheila. I am so sorry. Please?! And he tried to pull her back. But Sheila didn't settle for his excuse and started to push him away, while she yelled what a selfish bastard he was. Mark knew she was so right about him. He shouldn't have hurt her feelings so badly, of something she couldn't do anything about. But when she told him, if he had any regrets about asking her to marry him, that he shouldn't do it, made him feel so bad about this all.

Please sweetheart, let me explain, Mark begged her. No, why?! Because you drank enough alcohol now, to tell me your real thoughts?! How Graham scared you of with all his questions about your upcoming wedding?! You know what? Let me help you make it easier for you. There is no marriage on Christmas Day! You do your tour until it's finished in June and if you still have the feeling by then, that you want to marry me, or to see if you mis me at all, I maybe will be there. And otherwise we had the best time of our lives the last few months. Well at least I did, if you don't mind, Sheila whispered when she turned around at him. But I love you to much, to force you into a marriage, you're not ready for. Maybe Louis was right and we are running to fast. Well let me slow us down then. And let's see what it does to the both of us. Mark heard every word she said and wasn't able to answer her, which was a sign for Sheila, she was right. That's why he was so irritated. He did get second thoughts about marrying her now. He did love her more than anything in this world, but suddenly the word marriage had scared him off.

Tears floated down his face when he whispered, I am so sorry Sheila. But I love you more than my own life, he tried to make her feel better about it all. Sheila put her fingers against his lips, sshhhh, don't say that. We would be standing in front of the altar if that was true. Sheila let go of him and walked slowly out of the shower while she fought hard not to let her body tremble to much, so he could see how intensely sad she was. Without saying a thing she picked up her clothes from the floor and walked out of the bedroom toward the guest room......