Irritated To The Point Of Destruction

Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Ashanti

For the next two days I was numb. My feelings, mixed and all over the place. I was disappointed with my brother and my man, how dare they make these drastic decisions without even considering Tae? I cried, I cried like I had just lost my lover. I mean Kennon was my first everything, love, sexual relationship, disappointment, heartbreak. And, now. He was gone, and he wasn't coming back ever. Latrice told me it was my hormones but,  I didn't believe that. Maybe, just maybe, deep down in my heart. I was still in love with him. I laid in the bed with Tae and cried, he was sleep of course but, I held my baby and cried. He looked, so much like his daddy, he loved his daddy, and now he didn't have one; and Marquez was responsible for that. Maybe I was just being a selfish bitch. I remembered the last time Kennon and I had sex. He knew me. He knew what I wanted. Damn,  was I tripping? Or was I really still in love with my ex? This was the type of shit that I hated about myself. I got up and crept out of Tae's room. I needed to talk to Marquez, he'd make me feel better right? I texted him,  "Hey babe, I think I'm ready to talk." I held my breath and waited for a response. "You want me to come home?" "No, we can text." I knew that hurt his feelings Hurting Marquez was the last thing on my mind. But, at the same time should I care? "So you still on that bullshit? Shanti I told you, I was doing it for you and Tae, shit for our baby too." I looked at my phone, I was about to explode and really hurt his feelings but, I had to think and play it cool. "Well maybe if you and my damn brother would let me know stuff before y'all acted I wouldn't be trippin. But, you can stay away from me until I'm ready to see you. Tell your best friend Rico the same thing. Y'all took something from Tae you weren't thinking of his feelings at all. Fuck you Marquez​, I don't know what this time apart is going to mean but, that's exactly what I need time." he sent me 4 more messages after that and I never replied. This maybe the end of us.

Honestly I did need time but was I truly ready to let go of the man that I waited my whole life for? I sat in silence for a few minutes then I begin to wonder am I doing the right thing? I contemplated my life and my decisions when I heard little footsteps coming my way I tried my best to put on the most happiest face I could praying that my lil man wouldn't see through it, Tae walked in my room and climbed in the bed next to me. "Mommy where's Marquez?" Great I can't tell my baby that Marquez and I got into an argument cause then he'll ask 120 questions that I just can't answer right now. "Um he had some business to take care of he'll be back soon." Tae looked up and shrugged his shoulders then said. "Oh okay mommy can we watch Squarepants please?" I smiled then turned on the TV while in the back of my mind I was wondering how was I going to explain to my baby that his father was dead? Tae began to sing the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song and I couldn't help but smile but I returned back to my thoughts, I can't just come right out and say it that would be wrong but how what can I say? God help me guide me to find the right words to tell my child the truth. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer once I was done I opened my eyes and found Tae fast asleep if only I could find sleep but I couldn't I had so much on my mind that I couldn't think straight I needed piece of mind for a few hours but would I ever get it?