The Knock (Destiel)

Chapter three

3. Sometimes, all we need is a hug

Sam had been living with the mute man for a month. He could easily say that it was one of the most extraordinary months he'd ever experienced. As a hunter, that says a lot.

The Winchester had learned that this man was pretty much invisible at school. When he asked some new friends about him, nobody even had a clue who he was. They had one of their lectures together with Castiel, yet nobody even seemed to care, not even the teacher.

In their dorm, all the man did was study and sleep. He spent an awful long time in the bathroom sometimes, which concerned Sam. He knew the signs of depression and his roommate seemed to fit the description perfectly. He always wore an oversized sweater, even at night. He always changed in the bathroom or when he was alone.

Another thing Sam noticed, was the lack of food in the dorm. There was barely anything to eat that was Castiel's. The man was skinny, too skinny. It scared him.

After the encounter with Dean, Castiel had seemed to become even more distant. Not that he hadn't already been distant and that Sam actually knew him well. Now, he ignored most of Sam's attempts to talk. He was listening to music literally all the time.

The thing that worried Sam the most, were the scars on his back. When he came home from class last Friday, Castiel had been changing. His arms had already been covered by the warm material of one of his sweaters, but Sam could see his back clearly for just a couple of seconds, before the sweater was pulled over his head and covered the horrendous scars. There were at least a dozen deep scars on his back, from his shoulder blades to the hem of his jeans. Sam remembered gasping loudly, making the man turn around as fast as a bullet.

Castiel hadn't changed outside of the bathroom ever since.

All Sam wanted to do was be his friend but the more he tried, the more he got pushed away.

He sighed, his phone in his hand. He promised to call Dean today, but he wasn't really in the mood right now. He was just too worried about his roommate. He debated whether to put the phone away or call, but when he wanted to lay it down on the desk, he got a call. It was Dean. He sighed and picked up after a few rings.

"Hey Dean," he said. He knew his voice sounded worn out and tired, but he couldn't get himself to care.

"Hey Sammy. What's wrong?" Sam knew that his brother knew that something was wrong. Sometimes it was hard to have someone knowing everything about you, even on the phone. He pinched the bridge of his nose slightly, closing his eyes.

"Nothing, Dean. I'm fine," he mumbled. He heard his brother laugh sarcastically on the other side of the line. No, lying wasn't exactly an option anymore.

"Yeah, and I'm batman. What's going on?"  Sam chuckled slightly. He remembered the case with the cursed rabbit foot. His smile left soon after, when he thought of Castiel.

"It's just- I'm really worried about Cas," he sighed out.

"Cas? As in Castiel, your roommate?"

"Yes, Dean. My roommate,"

"If I wouldn't know you're straight I'd say you have a crush on the guy," the older Winchester teased. Yet, Sam could hear the curiosity in his voice.

"It's like I've just found out I have a brother with a fucked up life and he gets taken away from me," Sam confessed. For a while, Dean stayed quiet.

"Castiel isn't like Adam, Sam," he spoke quietly. "Castiel doesn't know about this life, he has a life and can actually live it."

"Dean, you don't understand. I'm honestly not afraid that he might find out about us, really. I'm afraid he might kill himself before he'd even have a chance." His voice cracked at the end of the sentence. His brother didn't say a word for a few minutes.

"What do you mean?"

"I accidentally walked in on him changing. He has these horrendous scars on his back, like he's been tortured for days. It has to be connected to the reason why he's mute in the first place. At college, he's invisible. Literally nobody knows about him. He always wears sweaters, even when it's hot in the room. He barely eats and gets skinnier everyday. He refuses to make any contact with me. I'm scared that one day he'll just wipe himself off the map. He'd end up the same way as us, Dean. I just - can't let that happen."

"Do you want me to come over?" Dean asked, clearly worried now. Sam shook his head. When he noticed his brother couldn't hear that, he mumbled a no.

"I'm afraid that will just make it worse," he whispered. Tears were falling down his cheeks rapidly now. "We've already lost mom, dad, Adam, Jess and a shitload of other people. I can't let anybody else die on my watch."

"Sam. None of these deaths were your fault," he could hear Dean's voice crack too. Sam didn't reply. "Alright, I'm coming over. I'll be there tomorrow. Don't beat yourself up for this, Sammy,"

Sam replied with a small OK before ending the call. He was wiping his tears away, when a box of tissues was placed on the desk in front of him. Much to his surprise, Castiel was standing next to him, a sad look on his face. He passed a note to Sam.

I'm sorry for ignoring you. I had no right to hurt you like that, it said. When Sam looked up again, the man was looking down. He stood up, so now he was towering over him.

"It's OK, Cas. Don't beat yourself up for this," he said softly, carefully touching his shoulder. "Can- Can I give you a hug?"

Castiel looked up with a confused expression on his face. When he noticed the seriousness he nodded slowly and carefully. Ever so careful Sam wrapped his arms around the small shoulders.

"Please, just let it all out, Cas. It's only gonna make it worse if you bottle it up. I'm not judging you, but please, just cry."

He hadn't even finished his sentence, or the older student was sobbing like he'd never done before. His hands where clutching the Winchester's flannel and shirt, while his head was buried in the crook of his neck. It didn't go unnoticed by Sam that Castiel made a sound when he cried. When he felt the body grow heavier, he lifted the exhausted man up and laid him down on the bed.

       "I won't pry to find out what happened to you, but I hope that one day you can tell me. Sweet dreams, Cas."