The Knock (Destiel)

Chapter eight

8. The start of something so broken, yet so beautiful

       The kiss was short and gentle. Even though it was just a peck, lips lingering just a little bit longer, it was enough to drive both Castiel and Dean absolutely crazy. Just for a moment it was silent in Castiel's head, before his anxiety started to kick in. He threw himself off Dean and quickly walked off. When Dean tried to reach out for him, he quickened his pace and began running.

       Dean screamed Castiel's name, getting the attention of Gabriel and Sam, who were now talking casually in Lucifer's room. Then they saw the fragile figure of the 22-years old man running past the door, followed by a disgruntled Dean. Sam had never seen his brother so stressed as he showed today. He ran after them, grabbing Dean by the wrist.

       "Dean, let me talk to him. Calm down," he ordered, making his older brother look at him by holding his face. Dean just nodded, watching Sam run off after Castiel. He just leaned against the wall, sliding down it slowly, before he hit the ground. Not a minute later he felt someone sit beside him.

       "What happened?" Gabriel asked, almost seeming to have forgotten the encounter only twenty minutes earlier. Dean looked over at the older Novak, looking at the golden eyes that shone with worry now.

       "Well, he comforted me and then it just happened. I totally forgot about his trust issues and anxiety before he ran off. Shit, why did I mess up again? I should've made sure he was comfortable with it fi-"

       "Dean. What. Happened?"

       "I kissed him," he mumbled, burying his head in his hands. He heard Gabriel curse under his breath, making him feel even worse than before. The golden eyed man sighed at the man's reaction.

       "I suppose he didn't tell why our father nearly beat him to death?" he asked. When Dean shook his head, he continued. "Cassie wanted to come out to our parents that day. Lucifer and I both knew he was gay and accepted it. I'm bisexual myself, so of course I didn't mind. When he told them, dad went mad. I will not tell you the details, because they are horrible, but I almost know for sure that's why he bailed. I guess being with a male reminds him of what his father has done."

       This came as a shock to Dean. How could he be so stupid? Now it all made perfect sense. Even though he felt happy for having at least a chance with him, he also felt a strange kind of anger. Protectiveness?

        "Should I talk to him?" he asked, looking back to the older Novak. The man smiled.

       "I think he needs some time to get over his fear, so don't make a move on him too fast," Gabriel responded. "I'm sorry for lashing out earlier, by the way. Sam explained what you and people like my grandfather do for a living and I shouldn't have judged you the way I did."

       "It's OK. Sam's gonna tease me forever, but feeling wise, I bottled it up. It was nice to finally tell what haunts me in the dark," he explained. Gabriel sighed in relief.

       "Now, go after your boyfriend," he joked, standing up and helping Dean up after. Dean raised his eyebrows, a smirk making its way up his face.

       "Does that mean I've got permission to date your little brother?" he asked, making the other man smirk too.

       "If I say yes, will you get out of my sight?" the man joked back. Dean put his hands up in surrender, before turning around and walking in the direction Sam and Castiel went earlier.  He found them at the front of the hospital, sitting on the stairs. Leaning against the wall, he watched quietly as Sam told Castiel about one of the happy memories of their childhood. He couldn't see Castiel's face, but when the man slightly turned his head, he could see a smile on his face.

        "I hope you're not telling him too much embarrassing things about me," he said, his voice gentle. Both Castiel and Sam turned around. Sam smiled lightly as he saw Dean's eyes travel up and down Castiel's body, a blush on his face.

       "Of course not," he responded, standing up. "There can never be too much embarrassment. And besides, he needs to be able to tease you with something when you start dating."

       Castiel shot the younger, yet taller Winchester a warning look, blushing madly. Dean just looked at his brother sheepishly. "Yeah," he dragged the word, scratching the back of his neck.

       "I'll wait in the car," Sam chuckled, leaving Dean and Castiel alone. Dean sat down on the stairs, next to the still blushing man.

       "Gabriel told me what happened that night - you coming out I mean," Dean started hesitantly. Blue, scared eyes looked at him. In reassurance, he grabbed the man's hand. "I don't blame you, you know. I know there isn't much to say that will actually make you feel better, but I'm gonna try anyways."

       Dean chuckled to himself, feeling Castiel's intense stare on him. "I've been doubting my sexuality for years now and came out as at least bisexual to Sammy last year. Surprisingly, he accepted it and just hugged me. That doesn't mean that I'm completely comfortable with the thought. Not in a disgusted way but more the weird kind of way. I've always been a ladies man, yet ever since I met you I don't want to look at anyone, boy or girl.

       "It doesn't relate to what I wanted to say but I guess you have the right to know about my confusion. In the end I just wanted to tell you that I am willing to take things as slow as you want. What your father did was horrible and I understand your fear. Don't beat yourself up for being gay. Don't think that it's your fault that Lucifer is in a coma and please, never think of taking your own life."

       Castiel's heart swelled at the words. They made no sense all together as Dean rambled on, but it was the message that counted. When Dean spoke his last sentence, he looked up with a shocked yet nervous look on his face. Dean just smiled sadly.

       "You don't just visit your brothers, who you haven't seen in years after a scary breakdown and think for a moment that the two aren't connected. Sammy called me the day before I arrived, afraid that you might hurt or might be hurting yourself. Nobody deserves that, Cas. Especially not you."

       Dean's right hand was intertwined with Castiel's left, leaving patterns with his thumb. He knew it was a tough subject for the black haired man, but he had to get it off his chest. Castiel leaned over and laid his head on Dean's shoulder, who smiled and kissed his head.

       The 22-years old laughed inwardly, thinking about how bizarre this day had turned out. The day had started with him ready to kill himself and ended with him having his brother back, kissing his crush and Dean telling him that he understood. His life turned upside down in a matter of hours, making him question how the rest of his life would end.

       At least he forgot about his true intentions of coming to the hospital completely.