The Knock (Destiel)

Chapter four

4. There are no words for the ugly truth

Castiel woke up from his slumber with a huge headache. He whimpered quietly, closing his eyes immediately. At first, he questioned how he got the headache, until he remembered what happened the night before. It hadn't been the first time that he'd fallen asleep crying, but it had never been this bad.

Then, he began to remember how his breakdown actually happened. He had wanted to walk in his room, when he heard Sam talking. He was talking about him. Quietly he had opened the door and closed it behind him just as soundless. He had listened to the full conversation. The further it got, the more guilty he felt. He had been ignoring the man so he wouldn't get attached. Sam was crying by now, naming the people that he lost. It made Castiel realise how selfish he had been acting. It was something he added on the list of hatred he had for himself.

       Castiel had always gotten away with being 'invisible', so he knew some tricks. He grabbed a box of tissues and held it, until the call had ended. He had noticed the shock and the appreciation in the man's eyes when he had given him the note. When Sam had asked for a hug, he had been confused. He was the reason for his tears in the first place, how could he forgive him? Then again, the last hug he got was from his brother, right before he left. He was almost sure that thought set him over the edge and started the waterworks.

       He was cut off from his thoughts by the voice of his roommate. He didn't really want to communicate with him, but he figured that he couldn't do that to the younger man. He knew he had to tell his story somehow and sometime, and maybe, Sam would be disgusted and move dorms. That would make his life just the way it was. With that thought, he opened his eyes.

       "How did you sleep?" Sam was sitting on the edge of his bed, his arms leaning on his legs. Castiel shrugged, pointing to his head. "Headache? Yeah, you cried a lot. I'll go get you some pain killers."

       Castiel thought of ways to tell the Winchester what happened. He couldn't just write down the whole story and talking wasn't really his number one fan either. Grabbing a book from his counter, he searched for a news article from years ago. When he found it, he just stared at it. He hadn't touched the piece of paper in years, it feeling unfamiliar in his hands. Yet, it brought up so many memories that he wished he could forget.

        "What's that?" Sam returned with a glass of water and two pills, sitting next to the black haired man. He gave them to Castiel, who handed him the small news article. The first thing he looked at was the picture. There was an ambulance, a body lifted in the car on a stretcher. Another boy was sitting in the car, his cheek bloody. What looked like cops were surrounding the house. Looking closer to the stretcher, he could see a familiar mob of black hair.

"Teacher beats children to the hospital"

"The day had just started off normally. Chuck Novak, father of three children and high school teacher came home from a rough day of work. Not even ten minutes later, the neighbours heard screaming and called the police just to be sure.

"When the cops arrived and nobody opened the door, they kicked the door in. Castiel Novak (20) was repeatedly punched by their father, nearly unconscious. The eldest one, Lucifer (25), lay on the ground lifelessly with a deep wound in his chest. The middle child, Gabriel (22) had been hiding under a table, a deep gash on his cheek.

"Chuck Novak and his wife were arrested, while the Novak children were sent to the hospital. More news on the Novak trial will follow later."

20 May 2013

       "Oh my god, Cas," was all the man could say. He had made up dozens of possible scenarios of how his roommate could've gotten those scars and the thought of abuse had definitely crossed his mind. He never thought it would've happened this way, so it took his breath away.

       "W-what happened to your brothers?" He asked quietly. The black haired man shrugged, not daring to look at Sam. He didn't want to see the sympathetic look on his face. He fiddled with his fingers to pass the time that seemed to take ages. He noticed teardrops falling on his black skinny jeans, wiping them away furiously as a result.

       The tense moment was interrupted by a knock on the door. Castiel ran towards the door quickly, trying to escape the awkwardness. He opened the door without thinking, looking directly in the piercing green eyes of Dean Winchester.

       The older man was leaning against the doorpost, smirking slightly. Though, when he saw the red eyes of his brother's roommate, his confident smirk fell. When Castiel noticed who the visitor was, he quickly walked back to the bed and sat down.

       "Can he read it?" Sam asked quietly, pointing at the news article. Castiel bit his lip hesitating. He found the elder Winchester incredibly attractive, he had to admit. It didn't make any sense to why he wouldn't want Dean to read the article. Maybe it was embarrassment? Fear of rejection?

       He sighed, then nodded. Sam patted his shoulder carefully, walking towards his brother. Castiel's arms were itching badly, itching for the sharp cold metal against his warm skin. He watched the two brothers hug and talking quietly. He could also feel their gaze on his back as he walked into the bathroom, where he finally collapsed.

       He didn't know it was possible, but he cried again, soundlessly this time. He curled himself up in a ball, whimpering slightly. He knew he couldn't cut, not with the Winchester brothers in the room next door. He rubbed against the left sleeve of his sweater to feel some pain. His arms were littered with healing scars, some of them being only days old, making it easy to scratch them until they bled.

       How long he lay there, he didn't know. He hadn't realised he had forgotten to lock the door, until it opened. He stopped rubbing his sleeve as soon as he heard the door creak. He heard a gasp and footsteps, yet it seemed so far away. Hands were touching his shoulder ever so delicately, lifting him up. His limbs fell on a broad and hard chest. He realised that he was having a panic attack when he heard Dean talk from a distance, knowing it was probably him who was holding him.

       "Keep breathing, Cas. Breath in, breath out. That's it. Take it easy." The words were calming, just like his touch. Castiel felt himself relax in Dean's arms. He tensed up when he felt a pressure on the back of his head. His mouth parted slightly, when he realised the pressure was caused by a pair of lips and not a beer bottle or a belt.

       They sat there for what seemed like hours; Castiel's head resting on Dean's shoulder, while Dean was sitting on his knees, holding the man with the beautiful blue eyes close. Normally, he wouldn't even have thought about getting emotionally close to a male, under no circumstances. However, with Castiel, he just couldn't seem to care.

       Castiel had stopped crying only minutes after Dean had entered the bathroom. He wasn't dozing off like he had done the day before, but he enjoyed the company while he could. He figured Dean was the kind of guy who didn't even think about being with another man because girls were just too pretty. It was just the way it was meant to be. He knew that this side of Dean would probably never seen again. Then, he decided to do something he hadn't done in years.

       "Thank you, Dean."