The Knock (Destiel)

Chapter twelve

12. Family by heart

       Castiel moved around under the sheets, pulling them even closer around his body. He wasn't cold, he just loved the secureness of the blankets around him. He hummed in satisfaction, before wanting to doze off again.

       That's when he felt the familiar stinging pain on his lower arms and wrists. He opened his eyes quickly, sitting up. He pulled up his left sleeve, since that arm stung the most, only to be greeted with bandages, who were slightly leaking through. He then remembered what happened in fragments. The disappointment, the door being kicked down, the pained green eyes, shining with tears.

       He felt a lump in his throat as he looked around. He noticed a tall figure, sitting in a chair. The tall, brown mob of hair made clear that it was Sam, who had his head bowed slightly. Quietly, Castiel placed his feet on the ground, trying not to wake the man up. It didn't seem to work, when the bed creaked. He flinched, but it didn't help. Sam shot up from his chair, looking around with a disgruntled expression on his face. When he saw the frail man, sitting on the bed, he sighed in relief.

       "Cas, you're awake!" he breathed out, running over. Without any warning, he kneeled down in front of him and hugged him tight. Castiel was frozen in his spot, not really knowing what to do. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around the younger Winchester.

       "Don't you ever do that again!" Sam mumbled. "It was so scary to see you like that. I think Dean was having a mental breakdown when he saw you. He literally lost his shit. I suppose we all did, though."

       They pulled away from each other, Castiel giving Sam a questioning look. Sam took a quick look at the slightly reddened bandages under his sweater and began to unwrap them gently, after pulling his sleeve up.

       "I'm just gonna clean your bandages, don't worry. Dean was so angry with himself. Well, he still is. He kept on mumbling how stupid he was for being so fucked up. I told him to stay here and wait for you to wake up, but he refused and went on a hunt with Bobby," Sam explained. Castiel looked worried and sad now, looking down towards his arms. Sam grabbed a wet towel and dabbed his cuts gently. They looked horrible, as his skin looked irritating. Well, the skin that was still visible in the first place.

       "I suppose you don't know our life story?" Sam asked, waiting for any response. When he saw him shake his head slightly, he continued. "Our mom died when I was six months old and Dean was four. A yellow eyed demon named Azazel had 'intentions' with me. When my mom realised there was an unknown man in our house, she went to check. All I've heard is that that she was stuck on the ceiling, her abdomen bleeding. Then she caught fire. Dean told me a few years back that he carried me out of the house that night.

       "My father was filled with rage and started to hunt the creature. He became obsessed with the supernatural, and dragged us with him. We never stayed in one place long, as our dad hunted and Dean took care of me. That's no thing a four years old should do. When we got older, he taught us everything he knew. It was just never what I wanted, so after we got in a big fight when I was 17, I ran off and went to Stanford. I met my girlfriend, Jessica, there.

       "I continued college until I was twenty, when Dean barged in. Our dad was missing, so he wanted me to help him find him. I said no at first, but then- after I helped Dean out with a small case - I found Jess, hanging on the ceiling, her abdomen bleeding. She caught fire pretty quickly. Dean pulled me out of the fire, again, and after that we hit the road again.

       "We searched for our father for half a year. When we finally found him, we got in a car crash. I still think his death has something to do with it, but Dean almost died. Suddenly, he woke up and our dad was found dead only minutes later. When Dean left the hospital, I decided to finish what I started and go to college, while Dean just said that he had to finish what his father started, save as many people as he could. That's how I met you."

       "Dean has always believed that there is no way out for him now. He once told me that his life is going to end by a barrel of a gun or a knife in his stomach. He doesn't see a future because he is afraid of losing everything. He has already lost so much. That's why he got so emotionless when you talked with him about it. He has no faith that he can ever settle down without getting someone killed."

       While Sam was bandaging his arms again, Castiel sniffled quietly. These brothers had been through so much in their life and kept on going, while he felt so fucked up that he harmed himself. It made him feel absolutely miserable. Sam noticed the little sound and looked up.

       "Oh, Cas. Please don't cry," he said, pulling him in a hug again. Castiel cried in his shirt, gripping the back tightly. Sam himself leaked a tear too.

       "Can I tell you a secret?" the man whispered as Castiel cried. "The only reason I haven't given up on life yet, is because of Dean. As long as he's alive, I have something to hold on to, someone to come home to. Maybe befriending us will give you that feeling too; hope. We are dependent on the ones we love."

       "Yes, I'm emotionally exhausted, but thinking of leaving Dean in this world alone - it's impossible. He has taken care of me for so long. I know he feels the same way. He acts all tough and shit, but I know he would never leave this world without me,"

       Castiel's tears dripped on Sam's t-shirt like raindrops. Both men didn't seem to care. It took the crying man half an hour to calm down, but Sam never left him.

       "You have us now, Cas. You're already like a little, well, older little brother that I want to make sure is safe and happy. Please, let me and Dean be your guide if things go sideways. You'll see that life itself gets better."

       Sam thought about what he'd just said. He had obviously meant it, but couldn't help but wonder if they'd ever become real brothers. Castiel, on the other hand, was more than grateful by the younger Winchester's words. He didn't know what made the tables turn, but he felt like he could trust the Winchester brothers. He knew that meant talking, but for once, he wasn't afraid. So, that's why he spoke the following words carefully:

       "Thank you, Sam,"