A love song

More than that

There are many people throughout the 27 years of my life that have made an entrance, a few have also excited it. Some because I wanted them to, some because they wanted too and some by chance. Life took them somewhere else, somewhere better. Somewhere without me. 

But, this man. No one made quite an entrance like William Magnusson did. Also, no one made an exit like him. And he was the only one that excited it for all the mentioned reasons. He was also the only one whos exit I was still silently grieving. 

Now as I am standing here looking into those all too familiar eyes in a hotel lobby in New York City all those reasons are dancing in my mind. 

I am remembering his tear filled eyes, reflecting mine, the last time we spoke. His back as he was turning away from me and walking away. And me sinking to the floor in the middle of the living room in the house we shared in Oslo. I don't think I ever got up. If you go back there now you'll probably find scattered bits and pieces of Noora. That was five years, three months, two weeks and six days ago.

W: Hey...

N: Hiiii.. - we were looking at each other in total disbelief, smiling from ear to ear and a little out of breath

W: Wow. Hiii – as we moved closer and hugged

N: Hey – I couldn't find any other words as we were hugging

Omg. His scent, his touch, his arms around my tiny frame. An embrace that was my only home for many years. I relaxed under his touch. I had forgotten how good this felt. 

W: What are you doing here? – he said as we parted and just stood to stare at each other, both of us still smiling like two teenage goofs

N: - I am working. I mean I am working here. In New York.

W: Really? Wow. You live here?

N: Yes, yes. What about you? - still lost haha.

W: I am here for a conference - starring dazed and confused at each other. Smiling.

N: Oh, what about? - not that I cared but, I hadnt really landed yet so words were a shortage. I just wanted to stand there and stare at him. Take him in. So talking about things I really dont care about is good it means he can talk and I can continue to watch him and doze off into those eyes.

A dark-haired, tall, slim, very tanned man shouted his name, who I think I recognize

O: William!

W: Coming! – turned to the man, then back to me - Duty calls. – smiling apologetic

N: Is that? – 

W: Yes, Oscar – he turned again to the man – Dad, come here.

He was coming over to where we were standing, typing on his phone as per usual. 

W: Dad, you remember Noora? - William asked when Oscar approached us

O: - looked up - Noora – then he lit up when he was facing me – Noora - he said a little more cheerful than he attended probably. William and I both surprised. His smile a mix of surprise, happiness, and embarrassment - Hi.. long time no see, Noora.

N: It's been a few years now yes. 

O: How are you?

N: I am good? You?

O: I am good. Business as usual. – kept smiling politely to each other

W: Noora lives and works here in Nyc now.

O: Oh wow that's great. What do you do Noora?

N: Journalism.

W: Seriously? – almost shouts haha. I nod while smiling – That's amazing! Way to go Noor! - I smile a little wider now at the sound of his once nickname for me. And his genuine happiness for me. 

N: Thank you! - smile a little embarrassed

O: Yes, that's great. And Nyc is an exciting city.

N: Yeah, you can say that – even though we are all smiles and politeness, I am really feeling out of place with Oscar here. We haven't always been on the best of terms. A lot has been said. Even more, has been left unsaid. And our last contact was just.. odd and unfinished.

And we just stood there... In a trance.

N: I should get going, I have another appointment. - I managed to find my words somehow

O: Yes, of course. We should get going as well, William - looked at him

Williams eyes never leave mine

W: Could we have dinner? Talk? Catch up? - and my smile never escaping my lips

N: Ehh.. yeah, I'm a little bit busy tomorrow, got a deadline but...

W: Thursday? or Friday?

N: Yes, Thursday or Friday is good. 

W: Great. – we are still standing, gazing at each other with smiling eyes maybe a bit longer than proper. Like in some kind of trance. Which I was in by the way. But, Oscar to the "rescue".

O: William - said a little more stern now

W: Yes, ok..- started to move his feet - It was great seeing you, Noor.

N: You too.

W: Have a nice day!

N: You too 

O: Bye Noora - his head in his phone again

N: Bye - he was already gone

W: Ok. Bye - another smile with a hint of .. something.. unreadable.

N: Bye - I turn around slowly and start walking out of the hotel. 

One foot before the other Noora, I said to myself hehe. At least make it outside before you go and faint.

Omg. What are the odds? William Magnusson. In New York. Half a decade later.

I am thinking about calling someone. Eva, Sana, Eskild. Anyone. But, I can't bring myself to do it. I can hear their voices, responses, and judgments. I don't want to hear it. Let me bathe in this sunshine on my own. Since I am the only one that will think this is sunshine anyway. :)

But, I have to tell Hannah when I see her now. She remembers him from our time in London, we used to hang out and we have also traveled with her and Eddie. Omg! I met William Magnusson again!