A love song

All you never say

The adrenaline from the dinner kept me from getting any sleep that night. My mind was having all of tonights' events on replay. I loved seeing him again and I loved our small talk and laughter, but still, you could sense he was off. Being just friends and not only in the terms of saying so but, truly feeling we were just friends. There was no flirting what so ever, and that was weird to me. William and I had never been in a place where we hadn't been flirting on some level or there hadn't been a sexual tension between us. 

I know I reacted childishly about the whole waitress thing. It was like this inner jealous, possessive Noora came out and took over my whole behavior and mental state. But, I really had no right. I have gave up on that right the minute I stepped out of his apartment. Now I have to live with that. 

My phone conversation with Eva a month ago also made an entrance into my already overworking, tired head space.

"Because you're not the only one hurting Noora. He is hurting too. But you are pulling all the strings, at least his strings. You have I think ever since that day in the school yard in Nissen. So when you know what kind of power you have over him, you gotta be a little more careful how you thread here. You can't drag him with you in this rollercoaster of yours cause you know he will follow. And that's not healthy for neither of you. Make up your mind. Be together, work it out or let it be. Walk away. But for real. Either way, make a decision because the ball is in your court."

The next morning I spent with Selina, Lene, Sophia, Selina and Eriks' mothers and Eriks' aunt Marit, who is also Vildes' mother at the hotel spa. It was a fun girls-day. We were different generations and ages so everyone had something funny to add to the tale of men, love, and marriage. And it was a much needed relax and laughter session for my tense body and mind. 

Later in the day Vilde and Magnus arrived, straight from their honeymoon. She and I needed some bonding time, Magnus understood, so we went for a walk in the Borghese park. She told me all about their honeymoon to the Seychelles and I told her all about William and what happened in Oslo. She was shocked. I also told her about his situation now. Him breaking up his engagement and moving to the US to lecture next year. And about him flirting with the waitress last night. She laughed at me. He is a free man lady and until you make him yours, he is free to do whatever she said.

I also told her I talked to Eva and how she put me in my place. And as hard as it was for me to hear I think I needed it.

After a two hour long walk and talk that is mostly about William, she convinces me to talk to him, properly. "Tell him everything, spill your heart girl. I don't think you have anything to lose here because I doubt there is any place you two can be at that's worse than the one you are at now."

She was probably right. I have nothing to lose. 

N: "Hi. What are you doing? Want to hang out?" - I was goofing like a child in a candy store when I pushed <send>.

V: - laughed a little and shook her head - C c c... Noora Amalie, and all this because of a boy. - smiled jokingly, using my own comment against me. And it's not the first time. The thrill of having friends half your life is they know everything about you. Good and bad. Hehe.

N: And always the same boy. - smiled a little sadly back. 

An hour and a half later, as I am getting ready to go out to dinner with Vilde, Magnus and Marit, I get a reply

:"Hey. Sorry, I am hanging out with the boys. Take a rain-check after the wedding?"

My heart broke. Four months ago he would blow off any thing and any one the second a text from me pinged on his phone. Not anymore. That makes me very sad.

N: "Sure. Have fun!"