I'm Supposed To Hate You ||Malum AU||

Chapter 45

Irrelevant photo I know but can we talk about how good he looks.

Calum's emotions were swirling around his brain, a violent mix of hurt and anger that was threatening to destroy him from the inside. He felt like there was a black cloud over his head, overshadowing him and the positive things in his life. He paced up and down his bedroom floor, cursing under his breath. He was trying not to let the events of the last week get to him, but aged facing three days of comments and stares, he was struggling to shut it out.

Michael fucking Clifford was his main problem.

Calum couldn't even look at Michael without wanting to scream. He'd put his trust in him and he'd broken it and he hated him for that, but his stupid little crush wouldn't fade. Calum still liked him and he hated himself for it. He was conflicted and it was driving him insane.

"Stupid Michael Clifford with his stupid fucking pretty face and eyes and smirk and his ridiculous hair and-" Calum muttered, smashing his fist into his bedroom wall. "Fuck!"

He looked down at his knuckles, watching the blood drip onto the floor with wide eyes. He'd never lost control of his anger like that before. Sure, he'd lost it at Michael, but he had some control over what he was doing and saying. Usually when he punched things, he meant to, but the dent in his wall wasn't made on purpose and that scared him.

"Am I becoming my dad?" He whispered fearfully as his heart began to pound concerningly fast. "Oh my god."

He sank down onto his bed, holding his hand out in front him as if bringing it closer would make his situation worse. His hands were shaking and he feel his palms becoming sweaty. Chest heaving, he slowly began to cry. Delicate tears turned into ugly, loud sobs that he couldn't stop, that made his breath ragged.

He tried to tell himself he wasn't like his dad, he was Calum but contradicting memories came flooding back.

Joy smiled at him proudly as he sang his favourite song to her while she was baking. The smile on his face was so large it seemed to reach his ears.

"You have a beautiful voice Calum. I'm glad you got your father's singing ability and not mine, I'm tone deaf."

Calum giggled, before launching into another song.

Calum's sobbed harder, burying his face into his hands and breathing heavily.

"Is this little Calum?" Joy's old friend said, smiling down at 9 year old Calum. "You've grown so big now." Calum hid behind his mum, biting his lip and looking down shyly.

"Say hi to Paula." Joy told Calum encouragingly. "She's doesn't bite."

"Hi Paula." Calum mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

"Aww." Paula cooed. "He definitely doesn't get that off of you Joy."

Calum wanted the memories to stop. Everyone he'd met before he moved had told him at some point that he was like his dad. They couldn't possibly have known at the time how bad that would make Calum feel in the future, but he hated them for it in that moment.

Fed up of crying, Calum decided to go for a walk to try and clear his head. He wiped the tears from his eyes and grabbed a jacket, accidentally slamming the door behind him.
----------------------------------------------

"I was wondering when you would come and visit me." Calum's gran said as she let Calum into her house. "It's been about a month since I told your mum to tell you to come here."

"I'm sorry gran, I've been busy with school stuff and it completely slipped my mind."

"That's okay Calum. Do you what something to eat?"

"No thanks." Calum replied, sitting down at her kitchen table.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His gran asked kindly, sitting down in a chair next to him and grabbing his hand comfortingly.

"Talk about what?"

"Whatever it is that is clearly bothering you."

"How do- nothing is bothering me." Calum lied, averting his eyes away from his gran 's knowing glare.

"Calum, I have been on this planet for 78 years, I know when something is bothering someone. So tell me, what's going on?"

Calum sighed, running his hand through his hair. He bit his lip, trying to think of how to tell her.

"The kids at school have found out about Dad." He mumbled.

"Sorry, you're going to have to repeat that. I'm getting old Calum, I can't hear you when you mumble."

"The kids at school have found out about Dad." Calum repeated a little louder than before. His gran gasped and put her hand to her chest.

"How? I thought you moved to get away from all of that."

"We did, but I told someone, he kinda forced me into it and now he's gone and told everyone but he's still got the audacity to try and ask me if I'm okay." Calum said bitterly. His grandmother squeezed his hand gently.

"Are you sure it was him?"

"There's no way it could have been anyone else. He's the only one who knew." Calum's voice cracked a little as he spoke as tears welled in his eyes. Calum's gran frowned and pulled him into a side hug, squeezing his shoulder supportively. He cried into her shoulder, letting his sadness flood out.

"And now, everyone has been judging me again and it's worse this time. It hurts more because it's been so long. They don't even know my dad, they didn't know me when it happened. They're judging me for something that happened 5 years ago, that I had absolutely nothing to do with and it sucks. It fucking sucks."

"That's the problem with people Calum, they're so quick to judge. I bet half of the people who are saying stuff would be just as upset if you judged them for something that happened 5 years ago. We're hypocrites, even when we try not to be, and we live off other people's drama because we want to escape from our own lives."

"By making other people's lives hell?"

"Only if you let them. I said this to your mum and I'm going to tell you too: move on. Forget what he did. Don't let his actions drag you down, because that way he wins. Your dad has cast a shadow over this whole family but if you move out from under that cloud, you'll be a lot happier. Don't let him have such an impact on you, let him go."

Calum glanced over at his gran through tears.

"That's easier said than done."

"I know Calum."