Soul Mates (a billdip fanfiction)

17- Rude Awakening

🔝 Bill's markings/"tattoos" except without the ones on his arms.

Trigger warning: panic attacks, mention of other disorders and mental illness.

Dipper POV
I slowly open my eyes to a yellow and black themed bedroom. I'm laying in a fancy, expensive looking bed, with light shining through a window to the right of me. But this light wasn't the sun, when I look closer I realize it's fire. Sighing, I try to sit up. But somethings holding me back, two muscular arms wrapped around my waist. I turn my head slightly to see a familiar, shirtless blond sleeping peacefully beside me. I try to move again but his arms just tighten around me. My face heats up and I decide to just stay there and maybe he will wake up soon. As I close my eyes again a flash back of last night comes flowing into my thoughts. 'What does this mean, it worked. Now we're soul mates! Wait, does that mean I'm actually a demon? Does this mean I was right about...' My breathing gets heavier and I tense up, I'm about to have a panic attack. I know exactly how it feels and what to do, considering it's happened a million times before. Another side effect of what Mabel calls 'emotionally unstable'.

Bill must have felt my fear because he soon began to move. Without saying anything he opens a sleepy eye and looks at me confused. I ignore him and take the opportunity to wiggle out of his grasp. I sit up and continue to hyperventilate. He catches on to my obvious distress and quickly sits up.
"Dipper what's wrong!" He puts a hand on my leg and the other under my chin, trying to see my face. His movements are so gentle...
"Panic. Attack." I pant, rocking back and forth. 'It's fine Dipper, just remember your steps. Acknowledge and accept that I'm having a panic attack, take deep breaths and make sure my stomach is moving up and down not my chest, talk myself down.
"You're okay Dipper, you're not in danger." I whisper to myself as I continue to rock. As I try to follow the steps, Bill is now holding his hands on his temples with his eye closed.
"Come on Bill!" He's saying "you're supposed to know everything, what do I do!" I start to count to ten and try to breath, I choke on the air like my throat is closed. I hold my hands on my neck as I keep trying to breath. I start to grab and scratch my neck with my fingernails. Bill notices and tackles me on the bed, holding my arms over my head.
"Don't move, just focus on me." He demands "you hear me? Focus on me!" I nod, tears are rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably as I watch him. "What ever you are afraid of, I'm here. I can protect you. Tell me what's wrong and I can solve it." I nod again and start to breath finally.
"This," I manage out "h-hap-pens a l-lot." He is still on top of me, straddling me actually.
"It's okay I'm here." He soothes "just focus." I look him up and down, only now noticing the strange tattoos covering his chest, stomach and torso. They look like some symbols and stuff I've seen in the journals, with lots of triangles. I also notice how muscular he is, but he's also thin and kind of delicate. He's perfect.
"Okay, I'm okay." I say once my breathing is slowing down. "Thank you." He doesn't get up though, just sits there watching me. "Bill I'm fine! This happens all the time."
"Really, why?" He says calmly. I sigh, realizing he's not gonna get off until he is 100% sure I'm not gonna jump out the window or something crazy.
"I don't know, I have issues. Emotional stuff, I don't know!" I'm a little annoyed at this point, how am I supposed to know why I'm a constant emotional mess!
"Why hasn't Mabel or someone helped you?" He asks ignorantly.
"I've only had a panic attack in front of her once and she was convinced that I needed psychiatric help. By the time I had convinced her that I was fine, she was bored of it and forgot about the whole affair. It's not like she pays enough attention to see everything else wrong with me! No one does, no one cares." I rant, trying not to make eye contact.
"I care." He mumbles, load enough for me to hear him. "And I noticed something was wrong instantly." I look up to him confused.
"Yeah right." I scoff.
"It's not that hard to tell you're depressed, with the lack of energy, appetite, and overall happiness. Now with this panic attack thing and overall constant nervousness I'm guessing you have an anxiety disorder and/or panic disorder. Probably soon leading to insomnia. Then there's the comfort with alcohol I noticed a week ago, plus the hint of alcohol occasionally on your breath I'm gonna guess you're a bit of an alcoholic which is probably caused by your new forming insomnia. This general depression might be caused by the new stress with Mabel's happiness and your body image. Although this probably all started after weirdwaggedan with a slight case of PTSD?" He sums it all up perfectly, everything that's wrong with me. Everything that has haunted me for the past two years.
"If you already knew then why did you ask." I mumble, looking away again.
"Because I care" he says quietly, finally getting off of me. "Can you tell me what you were freaking out about though?" Why does he keep pushing!
"I was just a little overwhelmed about last night that's all." I say plainly. "Does this really mean what I think it does?"
"We are soulmates and you are a demon, the God of music and love." He sighs while lying back down on the bed.  I stay lying on my back next to him, staring at the ceiling.
"How can I be a demon and a God?"
"Well you can either be a demon or an angel. If you have specific powers and meaning, then you are the God of that thing. Which means you are basically a symbol of music and love. I'm god of the mind, specifically dreams and nightmares." He explains. Slowly, things start to make more sense.
"And the whole story about the previous God of music and love giving up her powers to me, that's all true." It doesn't really sound like a question, more like a realization.
"Yep." He says simply. We stay silent for a second.
"Where am I?" I ask stupidly after a little while.
"My house." He answers the same way.
"How did I get here?"
"Well, you passed out and I couldn't take you back to the mystery shack without risk of Mabel seeing."
"So you brought me to your new mansion?"
"Yeah."
"Cool."
The silence continues for a while longer. "Where's your shirt?" I ask, turning my head and taking another look at his body.
"I don't know." He laughs, making me laugh with him. After a fit of laughter, together, we get up and exit the room. Bill leads me to his kitchen, which is connected to the living room, still not bothering to put a shirt on. I don't mind.

If I got any of this wrong or didn't portray it properly, I am deeply sorry. I don't have experience in all of these so I can't know exactly what it's like. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but I did do research on these topics and I'm sure it's different for everyone. If this is all wrong and you would like to correct me, please go ahead! I actually want to know, so please contact me.