A Million Voices [UsUk]

Troubled

Oh, it was wonderful.
The moments were passing by slowly, and they felt like one of the best moments of Arthur's life. Spending time with Alfred... It was pure bliss. Being able to breathe for once, withouth clouds blurring his vision and making his thoughts purely pathetic, depressed...

"How's the breakfast?" Alfred asked with a smile as he ate his fried eggs with bread, looking over to Arthur who sat right next to him, slowly eating and looking at Alfred with love and warmth clear in his eyes.
''My scones are better.'' He responded sarcastically and smiled slightly to the American. "It's great.''
Alfred chuckled at his response and rolled his eyes kind of playfully.

Unbeknownst to Arthur, Alfred's mind was troubled as well. He thought of a way to tell his boyfriend that he kind of... Slept with somebody else. Hopefully Arthur would understand that it was nothing more than a drunken accident, that it would never happen if he was sober.
If Arthur left him for it, he had no idea what he'd do.
Alfred would be broken, lonesome, and depressed. Arthur was his everything, his shining star in the night, his light at the end of a tunnel, his guide... Shortened, Arthur was his life.

"What are you thinking about?" Arthur asked, gently pulling on Alfred's sleeve once the American had zoned out, slowly chewing on his food and looking somewhere far away, but actually nowhere.
Alfred snapped out of his thoughts with a slight blush, looking back to Arthur.
"Huh? Must've zoned out. It was... Nothing, I assure you. I'll tell ya' later, okay?" He said with a small smile visible on his face.
Arthur didn't completely believe him, but he didn't complain.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was already past noon. Alfred and Arthur were cuddled up on the couch together, the Brit resting his head on the American's chest.
Alfred felt the need to finally tell him and get it off his chest once and for all.
He sighed and looked down at Arthur who was peacefully laying there, eyes open but it felt like he was asleep.
"Arthur?" He said quietly.
"Hmm, what is it...?'' Arthur replied and shifted slightly to look up to Alfred.
"I... Uh... Have to talk to you."
The blond Englishman sighed and slowly sat up, keeping one arm wrapped around Alfred's waist. He looked at Alfred and raised an eyebrow at the uncertain voice of his.

Alfred sighed before continuing, looking away slightly and holding Arthur's hand gently.
"Please don't be mad. I didn't mean to do this." He said with worry visible in his eyes. The words made Arthur slightly on edge of what was about to be said.

"I might have slept with someone else."

Arthur felt like a weight fell on his back from ten meters above, knocking all the air out of him. He didn't move, he didn't say a word. All he was able to do is stare directly past Alfred, somewhere nowhere, and open his mouth to speak - though nothing came out.

"Look, I can explain! It was just an accident, I was drunk and I didn't mean to... I swear I'd never do it, Arthur, please believe me... Please...'' Alfred spoke too quickly, feeling tears arise at just how Arthur's expression looked like. He held his hand tighter and tried to explain the miserable thing he did - by accident. A stupid mistake that might have come at the cost of losing the love of his life.

"I... Don't know what to say." Arthur said in a quiet, hoarse whisper and pulled his hand away from Alfred's. So, Alfred didn't do it on purpose, he was just drunk. But Arthur wasn't quite the most mentally stabile person. He felt the old, oh, so familiar trembling and clouded vision arise - no, no, no, not now, not here...
''Arthur, I swear I would never--" he began to nervously speak again, but was interrupted by the Brit in front of him.
"Don't." Arthur muttered. "Just don't." He said in a shaky voice, biting his lip so he wouldn't cry.
'Alfred didn't want to do it...' He repeated to himself in his head.

He couldn't take it anymore. The feeling took over and he couldn't hide it anymore.
By speed of lighting he pulled his hand back from Alfred's and got off the couch, almost collapsing back. He ran out of the living room and into his bedroom, closing the door so harshly behind him that he swore the entire building could hear it.

Falling.
Deeper, farther...
Arthur was on the verge of breaking down, falling down on his bed as he locked the door. No...
'This isn't happening. Tell me that this isn't happening.' He tried saying to himself but failed miserably.

"Arthur, please!" Alfred ran off the couch and towards the bedroom door. He wasn't able to open them, so he knocked, and knocked. "I swear to my life... I'd never do it... I was drunk!"

Arthur didn't plan on opening the door any time soon. In all honesty, he didn't even know if he was mad at Alfred. It was pretty hard to interpret his feelings through the clouds, the rain and the heart beating too fast to handle whatsoever.
"Go away!" He yelled to the American on the other side of the door. Alfred must not see this side of him.
Arthur clutched onto the blankets beneath him on the bed and cried. Just cried, and he tried to do it as quietly as possible while Alfred was still there. He could still hear the American trying to apologise.
"Please, j-just go away! Please!" He shouted once more.

Alfred, I'm not mad at you. I don't want you to go. Don't take it the wrong way, please don't take it the wrong way... I love you, I'd never leave you. I have to be alone, you cannot see me like this. I'm so sorry... So sorry.

"Just go."