A Million Voices [UsUk]

Burden

Gilbert stood frozen in the middle of the park, awestruck about the situation which just occurred. Alfred, his best friend for the past year, just broke up with him. They weren't true friends, Alfred stated. A friendship based on lies. His headache was getting stronger, and he groaned in irritation.

I was there for him when he needed it the most. He was there for me in every situation.

Why did he take it so badly?

Oh,  maybe this is for the best, really. I have Mathias, I have Elizabeta. And Francis is a good friend of mine as well.

Alfred just wasn't able to handle the truth, that's not my fault in any aspect. One day, he will realize that my words were true. Moving on is inevitable!

He didn't know how to process his best friend just leaving like that at all. His thoughts were battling each other internally, some blaming the German for this, and some blaming the American. But some of them were also blaming Arthur for this.

"If Arthur hadn't... Done it... Then Alfred would be happy, and we would still be friends. You know what...? I was right. Maybe everyone was right." Gilbert spoke to himself fairly loudly, and if anyone was at the park, they would most definitely think that he was insane.

"Arthur was selfish. He didn't think how his suicide would affect others around him. To hell with it all, since he'd done it, nothing is the same anymore! I lost a best friend! Alfred has been devastated ever since, and he doesn't want to move on! What did we do to deserve this?!" He shouted out loud throughout the park, raising his hands in the air out of rage.

That's it. Arthur is the one to blame. Not Alfred, not me.

It's all Arthur's fault.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Alfred stormed out of the park minutes before Gilbert's lengthy monologue to himself. He was full of rage, sadness and just purely sorrow.

I just ditched my best friend.

What am I saying?! He was never a true friend! If he was, he would understand how much Arthur means to me.

Moving on...! As if. I will never be able to move on nor get another lover. Because Arthur will always be my only love.

Being with anyone else would make me feel like I'm cheating on the love of my life.

He was pale in the face, tears softly making their way down his cheeks as he walked in a fast tempo towards... Home.

"I will never speak another word to Gilbert again." He muttered under his breath with an unsteady sigh, looking down the entire time he had been walking towards his apartment.

Once he reached it, he swiftly got back in and closed the door as if the wind closed it, with a harsh 'thud', taking off his shoes and coat before going to the kitchen, where his landline telephone sat.

But it wasn't only the telephone he needed in the kitchen. He opened the palm of his hand and placed three white lilies on top of the kitchen counter with a bitter smile appearing on his face before turning to the phone.

I have to make one call. But maybe she's still asleep...?

Well. Gilbert called me at 7 and I was awake. Maybe Elizabeta is awake at past 8.

Nodding at his own thoughts, he picked up the telephone and dialed the Hungarian's number. Of course, she lived in the same apartment as Gilbert, but the German never answered the landline anyway. And Alfred doubted that he got home yet - he stayed in the park longer and had a longer way towards home.

So dialing the number, he dearly hoped Elizabeta was awake.

"Hello?" He heard a hoarse voice from the other side of the line, filled with tiredness and fatigue.
"Elizabeta, it's Alfred. D-did I wake you?"
"No, I just woke up. Headache. What do you need?"
"Uh, sorry about that... I-I just wanted to say... I am never going to speak another word to Gilbert again. B-but I don't want to lose you as a friend because of that."

Dammit! This conversation could have waited. Why did I call her at this early hour?

"Alfred, is that really why you called me at 8? Look, I know Gil can be a total jerk... He probably didn't mean those words anyway." She tiredly responded with a sigh of irritation.
"I think he meant it."
"I'll talk to him later, 'kay? He didn't come home yet."
"Thanks, Liz. A-also sorry for calling you this early."

"That's fine."

After they said their goodbyes, Alfred put down the phone and just sighed deeply, sliding down the kitchen counter and ending up on the floor, some tears still appearing in the corners of his eyes.

I'm such a burden. I'm useless at this point. All I do is disturb others, and...
What did I do to deserve this?

If only I knew. I'd apologise to whatever force controls us, to anyone I have ever wronged... I'd do anything to fix all bad deeds I've done.

Just tell me... What did I ever do?

And with those thoughts, he broke down again, burying his pale face into his shaky hands, curling up on the floor and never wanting to get out of this position again.

Everything happens with a reason. Elizabeta's words were ringing in his head, not knowing if they were words of encouragement anymore. In Alfred's eyes, everything seemed wrong now.

"What did I do?!" He shouted out the question loudly, choking out painful sobs as he did.

He knew one thing for sure: he was right about Arthur. Arthur was still here with him, on the inside of his soul.

I feel everything Arthur had felt through his hardest times. Everything.

Maybe this is how it was meant to be...!

Maybe I was meant to carry Arthur's burden.

If that's the case, then I will.

For you, Arthur.

Just for you.

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A/N

Shorter chapter, but it's still exactly how I wanted it to be.

I have a strange imagination - and in my mind, Alfred carries every burden and feels all pain that Arthur felt. Because when Arthur took his life, he was spared the pain. And somebody else - in this case Alfred - gets to carry on the burden.

And since Alfred is stronger, he will do it. He would never take his life because maybe it is Arthur's pain that he's carrying, and he's doing it for only Arthur.

I predict a couple of more chapters for this book, since I have a perfect ending in my mind.

Also, the next chapters will contain time skips.

Thanks for reading!