Having No Regrets (A One Direction Love Story)

Luna's POV

It started up again a week after he came home from LA. The fights started, the slamming doors, the never-ending crying, from my part anyway. The endless 'I'm sorry, Luna, I promise it won't happen again.' Every single time he broke the promise, he continued to do the same shit over and over again. 

Most of the time when I went shopping, Zayn refused to come, so I started going out with Willow, or one of the other girls. I'd gone shopping with Brendon a few times, no one suspected a fucking thing. Everyone still continued to think Zayn and I had the most perfect relationship, but really, it had crumbled at my feet. It was almost as if Zayn didn't even care. We had a couple good days in the last few months, but besides that, all he did was scream at me for some stupid shit. He still hated Willow. He'd also started going out without me, doing simple things like shopping, having lunch with his friends, lunches he used to invite me out too. It's almost like we do nothing together anymore.

Willow had asked me to be one of her bridesmaids for her wedding, and her wedding planning was well under way. At least her relationship was good, unlike mine. But I was happy for her, of course I was. She was my best friend. We'd seen each other quite a lot, she'd tried to convince me to go back to college but I flat out refused. She'd sighed but said alright.

I was due in just under two months, not long before Willow's supposed to get married, so I hope the baby comes on time, or just before, instead of late. I want to look good for her wedding. Now I just look like I'm carrying around a basketball. And the baby will grow even more in the next couple months or less. I was excited, but scared for what would come, especially with Zayn. Would he be different? Would he go back to the sweet, caring loving man I know? Or would he still be a total dick? Or even more so of one? 

As for my mental health, well that was beyond fucked. I barely sleep, I've forgotten what sleeping is. I'm so tired, drained, and Zayn makes it worse. Why haven't I left him? Maybe because I'm hoping things will get better. I love him. I love him more than anything in this world. Maybe that would be enough to make him stop being an asshole. 

Only last night he'd told me how sorry he was for what he'd done a few days ago. He certainly made it up to me alright.

*

Later that morning I decided to finally get up and I made my way downstairs and into the living room where Zayn is watching TV and I sit down beside me and he gives me a goodmorning kiss.

"Last night was..." he trails off, with a smirk, and that smirk, those eyes, his smiles, makes me forget everything he's ever done wrong. 

"Yeah, it was." I giggle softly.

"So, I was thinking." He starts and I nod in encouragement. "You know how we have that yearly thing how we all have Christmas lunch at one of our places a week before Christmas since we're not usually together for Christmas?"

"Yeah, what about it?" I ask.

"I was thinking we should have it here this year. We've got a huge house, we have a huge dining area, we both can cook, everyone can come over." Zayn suggests.

"Yeah, actually, that would be a good idea." I nod.

"It'll be a week from today, but since no one else has mentioned it, I think we should before someone else jumps in." Zayn tells me and I nod.

"Alright, I'll text everyone now!" I say with a big smile and I grab my phone. "Alright, Eleanor and Louis, Niall and Rose, Harry, Willow and Liam." Zayn groans.

"Does she have to come?" He asks.

"Yes, she's engaged to one of your best friends, and she is my best friend. So suck it up. It's almost Christmas, you can deal with her for a few hours. We should invite Brendon and Sarah as well!" I say enthusiastically, messaging everyone, and I send Harry an extra message saying he can bring a date if he wants too. Who he would actually bring remains a mystery.

"Fine, only for you." He rolls his eyes and I smile brightly. Everyone texts me back sooner or later that they'll all be there, and I'm sure Liam probably told Willow how our little tradition came about, well, I hope he did anyway. 

*

A few days later I went shopping with Eleanor to find the perfect outfit for the week before Christmas, and for Christmas day. It sucks having to shop at maternity stores because you're too fat to fit into normal clothes. Fucking basketball. I also go shopping for presents for everyone, we always exchange gifts the week before Christmas, otherwise they'd probably be a week or two late. Especially since basically everyone goes off home, to London, or Ireland, or wherever the couples have decided to go. I know Harry's going home, Louis and Eleanor are staying here because of me, I wasn't quite sure what Willow and Liam were doing, I know Liam wanted to go back home, I wasn't sure about Willow. As for Niall, he was going back to Ireland, but he wasn't sure if Rose was going to go. I guess we'll find out in a week. 

I find the perfect presents for everyone, plus I buy a few things for Zayn's birthday which is only another month away. Plus Eleanor and I shop for baby clothes and baby toys, considering I know if it'll be a little girl or boy. We have a lovely day, just the two of us. She gushes over the baby bump and tells me she can't wait to have kids with Louis and I scrunched up my face telling her I didn't want to know which she just decided to laugh at.

It finally came the night before the pre-Christmas lunch, and Zayn was getting ready for bed while I just sat there, watching him. 

"Are these your fucking shoes?" Zayn suddenly snaps and I look up at him and he's holding a black pair of boots.

"Yeah?" I ask, unsure.

"What the fuck are they doing in the bathroom?" He asks, glaring at me.

"I must have taken them off and forgotten about them." I shrug and he goes and throws them in the walk in closet. "Hey! They're expensive!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't leave your shit lying around the fucking house!" He screams.

"It was one pair of shoes." I defend myself. Here we go.

"One pair of shoes turns into two, then three, then fifty! For fucks sake, Luna! Put shit back where you find them! Oh look, here's one of you dresses!" He picks up a dress and he throws that in the walk in robe as well.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." I say quietly.

"Sure you fucking didn't."

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You were fine earlier."

"Maybe I'm sick of your fucking bullshit! You always leave your shit lying around the house! Do you know the amount of dog toys I find lying around the house because you're to fucking lazy to pick them up?"

"I said I'm sorry! But I don't leave things lying around everywhere! What the fuck is your actual problem?"

"Pick up after yourself, Luna! Cause I won't fucking do it for you! And stop giving me shit! You're my fucking problem!"

"I'm your problem huh?" I ask, holding back the tears.

"Yeah! You are!" He snaps before turning out the lights and he slams the door shut before he crawls into bed and soon enough he's fast asleep. Why the fuck does he always come up with unnecessary shit all the time? 

Yet again, I don't sleep, and I get out of bed before seven and play with Aria for a few hours before Zayn comes down and he doesn't even speak to me. Great. Fucking great. What a fucking great day. 

I head upstairs and get ready, I have a shower before blow-drying my hair and putting it into a fishtail braid and I put on the outfit I bought the other day before putting on some makeup and I walk out and go pass Zayn without another word.

I know though as soon as everyone's here he'll act like everything's fine, he always does when people come around, then again, so do I. No one needs to know the perfect relationship isn't so fucking perfect after all. Instead it's a disaster, it's like a tornado came through our relationship and basically destroyed every piece of it. Though, at least some days are still good. Perfect even. 

A little after twelve I'm sitting at the kitchen bench as Zayn cooks Christmas lunch which will be ready soon. We haven't spoken besides 'would you like a drink.' Finally the doorbell rings after what seems like forever.

"I'll get that." I say quietly, carefully hopping off the bar stool and taking a deep breath, placing a hand on my stomach as I walk to the door. 

Here we go.