Having No Regrets (A One Direction Love Story)

Willow's POV

I woke up exhausted the next morning. I had stayed up basically the whole night crying. I fell asleep at five-thirty in the morning and woke up at nine. Three and a half hours of sleep was better than nothing and at least I got any sleep at all. I made myself get out of bed and I picked up the bottle of vodka that was a quarter of the way empty off the floor and hid it under the bed. I'll probably need it later. I went downstairs and grabbed a banana to eat for breakfast. I wasn't too hungry with all the stress I was dealing with but I had to make myself eat something.

As I was eating, I looked through a magazine on the counter. There were articles and pictures about Zayn and Luna being back together and things were said about her wearing her engagement ring. I knew Luna only wore the ring to see how it looks and feels. At least that's what she told me. The pictures made me a bit suspicious, but maybe they had another good reason for hanging out. Luna wouldn't give in to Zayn so soon, especially not after everything he's put her through.

I closed the magazine. The status of their relationship, if there even was one, wasn't any of my business and it would make more sense to just give the both of them space and not assume things regarding something I know little about. Whether or not Luna and Zayn were back together was the least of my worries right now anyway. If what happened last night hadn't happened, I would probably be calling or texting Luna about it right now. Hell, I might even go as far as drive to her apartment and ask her questions.

But I didn't feel like doing any of that, I didn't have the energy. I wasn't in the right mood to talk to anybody, even if it was just over text. Not only that, but I just didn't feel like leaving the apartment, at least not until I've given myself enough time to get my shit together. Why should I? I'm a fucking mess of emotions right now, I have a cute dog to keep me company and I have food, water and alcohol. I knew I'd probably have to get out at some point to go grocery shopping or whatever I needed to do but now really wasn't the best time for me to be out in public or just around people in general.

I went back upstairs and changed into a Halsey concert t-shirt and sweatpants. As I was walking to the bathroom, I stepped on something. I lifted my foot up to see both of my rings. I had left them in the same spot where I threw them last night. I picked them up and examined them in my hand. The engagement ring had a gorgeous diamond that was small and simple but I liked that. The inside of the wedding ring had W + L engraved into it with the date of our wedding next to it.

I placed them on the dresser and sat down on the bed. I figured some music would help me to feel better. I put the music on my phone on shuffle and of course, "I Can't Stop Drinking About You" by Bebe Rexha came on.

No one's gonna love you like I do

No one's gonna care like I do

I can feel it in the way that you breathe

I know you dream of her when you sleep next to me

I can't stop drinking about you

I gotta numb the pain

I can't stop drinking about you

Without you, I ain't the same

So pour a shot in my glass and I'll forget forever

So pour a shot in my glass cause it makes everything better

I let the rest of the song play through and then decided to shut my music off. I got up and grabbed the vodka from under the bed and went back downstairs into the living room. Ariel sat on the couch with me and I picked out a movie on Netflix. As I watched it, I drank from the vodka bottle.

~

I was halfway through the movie and I couldn't focus on it because I was so drunk. I took large gulps of the vodka and I had only eaten a banana today so barely eating anything made it that much worse. There wasn't much left in the bottle but I couldn't bring myself to finish it. I felt so sick to my stomach.

Luckily, I was right near a trash can so I managed to get myself over there. I quickly kneeled down beside it and threw up. It wasn't even noon yet and I was already a drunken mess. This was going to be a very long day.

When I was finished throwing up, I stood up and as I was about to sit back down on the couch, I heard a knock on the door. Maybe if I just don't move or don't do anything, that person will think I'm not home and they'll leave. They knocked again a little bit louder.

"Willow, open this door right now! I know you're here!" It was Rose's voice. I couldn't not let her in, she was one of my best friends.

I carefully walked to the door and opened it. It was hard to stay standing up.

"Willow, are you drunk?" Rose asked surprised. "It's not even noon!"

"I know but I just wanted to have a drink." I shrugged.

"You clearly had more than just one drink!" Rose shook her head as she walked inside and closed the door.

"I may have drank...most of a bottle of vodka." I slurred my words guiltily.

"Why the fuck would you drink that much?! Something is very wrong and I need to know what it is." Rose crossed her arms.

I didn't want to talk about it but I knew she wouldn't leave until I did.

"Liam and I...we're getting...a divorce." The words were painful to say.

Rose's eyes went wide. "What? Why? You just got married like a few months ago!"

"Listen, Rose. We haven't been too happy since Violet showed up last summer. He was constantly hanging out with her, we got into fights all the time and she threatened to fuck up our marriage so she could get to Liam. He stood me up on our date last night because he was with her and they kissed each other. When he got home, we got into a huge argument and I kicked him out and now, this is where I am."

"Willow...I'm so sorry to hear that. I had no idea." Rose said sadly.

"Nobody knew, Rose. I wanted it to stay that way so no one would have to worry about me." I hung my head in shame.

"I can stay here with you for a while if you want me to. I don't want you to be here alone and miserable." Rose replied. "Or you're welcome to stay at my place."

I shook my head in response. "No, Rose, I don't want to place that burden on you." 

"You wouldn't be a burden. You're in pain and you're drinking to get shit off your mind. At least let me stay for tonight." Rose pleaded.

"Alright, fine. You can stay here today and tonight. Just please don't talk about this with anyone else. I don't feel ready for all of that."

"I promise I won't." Rose gave me a small smile. "You look really tired, Willow. Did you sleep at all last night?"

"Yeah, for three and a half hours." I sighed.

"You need to go back to sleep. I'll help you upstairs." Rose linked her arm with mine as she helped me walk.

I got to my room and laid down in bed. It was nice to have Rose here to support me and she's a really awesome friend for doing that. I didn't have to be alone with my own thoughts, whether I was drunk or sober. I really wanted some more alcohol to drink but I didn't want to make myself even more sick. Rose wouldn't let me do that anyway. I wouldn't be able to sneak anything from the liquor cabinet and get it past her. After a while of thinking some more about everything, I finally closed my eyes and went to sleep. Besides alcohol, that was basically my only escape from reality.