Having No Regrets (A One Direction Love Story)

Luna's POV

It'd been another few weeks, or maybe more, I wasn't sure. I'd left Zayn about two months or, or almost two months ago now. He hadn't come back, then again, I hadn't really been left alone for more than two minutes in the apartment. I hadn't really left the apartment either besides that shopping trip with Brendon. 

Zayn hadn't come back, and for that I was thankful. I'd seen some more magazines lying around with Zayn with different women, and they were all prettier then me, sexier. Maybe that's why Zayn didn't want me. I wasn't pretty enough. Or sexy enough. I just wasn't good enough. As soon as Brendon, Willow or Liam caught me looking at a magazine they instantly grabbed it off me despite my protests and trashed it. 

When they'd all been asleep once I'd gone down and grabbed it out of the trash and ended up sitting there crying while I looked at the pictures. No one had known. Why would they? They couldn't know how bad I really was taking this all. They didn't know how badly I was broken. I acted like I was at least okay, but I wasn't. I was far from okay.

I wasn't even good enough for him to come back and fight for me. Instead he blamed me. Me for  all the fights, for him cheating on me. And he was right. It was my fault. It was my fault I did stupid shit and questioned him all the time. I was a bitch. I deserved him cheating on me. Why wouldn't I have? 

I leave the bedroom and go downstairs where Willow and Liam are. Last night was one of the very few nights Brendon had actually gone home, and it was quite suspicious that he was staying here all the time considering I do have Willow and Liam here. 

"I'm going to go grab a few clothes from the shops. Is it okay if I leave Rain here? I've just put her down for a nap and she shouldn't be up again for another few hours." I say and they both look up at me.

"Um, okay. Sure." Willow says, and I know she doesn't entirely believe me. Why should she? I haven't left the apartment really since I got here.

"I just need a couple more clothes, and some more clothes for Rain." I shrug and I say a quick goodbye before I leave. I hop straight into my car and I drive off. 

A few minutes later I drive up the all too familiar driveway and there's no car here. I quickly get out and I walk up the porch steps and I hesitate before I grab out my keys and unlock the door and I step inside the house. 

It's exactly the same as it was two months before. All of our pictures are still up everywhere, and it's all neat, well, as neat as we could keep it anyway. I wander around the first floor and it's all basically the same, except for a few things here and there. 

I wander down to the art room and it's been untouched. It doesn't look like he was in here since I've been gone. I go over to my side of the room and gently touch the wall. We were happy when we did our paintings on each side of the room. Of course he'd ruined it, but we were happy for a few hours. 

I miss painting, but what can you do? 

My fingers trace over some of the paintings I did that day before I go to Zayn's wall and do the same thing. I can't help but feel miserable, looking at the happiness of that day. The love we both used to share for art. It's gone now. Everything we had is gone. I can't help it when tears spring to my eyes and I quickly walk up and head up the stairs.

I go into the room we'd set up for Rain with her change table and everything else. We would've moved her in here in probably another few months or so. We'd painted it pink, with yellow stars. She had her own little dressing table with all of her clothes in it. It was a very cute room, and we were planning on putting some more things into it. Planning. 

I go and grab a small bag and start going through her dressing table and putting clothes into it. We'd gotten a bunch of clothes for babies up to 12 months, only because they were so cute and I didn't want to miss out. 

I shove a couple of baby toys into the bag that I'd left behind before I walk out and walk into what used to be mine and Zayn's bedroom. I gently place the bag and look around. It's exactly like I remember it. Huge. Pictures all around. Very Zayn and me like. I go over and grab the small dog toy box and put it over with the bag I'd grabbed for Rain. 

I slowly make my way and go into the walk in closet and grab the last bag I left behind. I quickly fill it up with some more of my clothes, almost leaving my side bare except for a few shirts I don't care about. My hands linger on the few shirts I have on my side of Zayn's. The ones I used to wear a lot, then I'd wash, then I'd give it back to him and he'd wear them before he gave them back. I only did it so they would smell like him, and without fail, they always do. I go and put the bag with the other bags before walking back into the walk-in-closet. 

I then search up on the top shelf and I feel the small velvet box under my fingers and I pull it off the shelf. I sit down on the floor of the walk in closet and open the little box and see the engagement ring. If only things had been different. Maybe he would have asked me to marry him. Maybe in another world, everything would've been fine. He wouldn't have turned into someone I no longer recognise. 

I don't even know how long I sit there for but I hear the front door open and shut, and I know it's to late to run, or hide. He would've seen my car. I don't know why I hadn't gotten up earlier, put the ring back where I found it and left. 

I hear him call out my name, but I don't respond. I hear his footsteps walk up the stairs and I hear them enter the room and I hear him let out an annoyed sigh, which I can only imagine is him seeing the bags on the floor. Next minute he's standing in the door way of the walk in closet.

"What are you doing with that?" Zayn asks and I can't even look up at him.

"I found it when I left last time." I reply. "It's funny, because I knew you would've had to have had it for a while, because it wouldn't have made sense for you to get it after my birthday. So, when did you get it?" I look up at him and he looks like he's not going to tell me for a moment.

"Before we left for the tour." He replies.

"Wow." I say. "Wow."

"I was going to ask you in Paris, and then everything happened, and I didn't think it was the right time." He shrugs.

"And then you decided you didn't want to marry me at all." I say coldly and I stand up. "And then you decided to fuck me over. And you did it over and over again. You fucked someone else, and then you didn't even care."

"Oh come on, Luna, you're being dramatic." He rolls his eyes.

"You know what, why would I want to marry you anyway? You're an asshole, and a cheat, and you can go to hell." I spit, throwing the box at him and he catches it. 

"What are you going to do, huh, Luna? If you'd wanted to leave, you would've done it already. But yet you're still here." He retorts.

"That's why I'm going. We're done. We are one hundred percent over."

"Yeah, well, as I've said, it's your fault. It's your fault, Luna, not mine. And I didn't see you sticking around and trying."

"You left every fucking night! I had a fucking baby! Which you haven't seen for two fucking months! You're pathetic! I can't believe I had a baby with you! You don't give a fuck about anyone besides yourself, Zayn. So go to hell. It's where you belong. And maybe it was my fault, but you made your choices. And me leaving you, is my choice."

"You'll come back, you always do. You used to say you'd always leave, but you never do. You forgave me when I lied about being sorry. You're weak, Luna, and you'll be back sooner or later." Zayn shrugs and I can't help but tear up and push past him before grabbing my bags and I quickly leave and go back to Willow and Liam's. 

*

It was about a week later, and Brendon had left to go and grab a few things at home, and spend a little bit of time with Sarah, I think he said they were going to go to the movies together or something. Liam and Willow had also gone out. Some double date with Rose and Niall. I'd promised them all I wouldn't open the door to anyone, and Brendon said he'd text me when he was outside the door so I knew not to open it at all.

I was wandering around my room, picking up clothes and hanging them up or whatever when I started feeling sick, and quite faint. I look around and everything started to spin. Next thing I knew, I fell down and everything went black.