Having No Regrets (A One Direction Love Story)

Lillow's POV

*Willow's POV*

 The next day, I woke up feeling exhausted only after an hour of sleep. I stayed awake most of the night because I couldn't stop thinking about the Brian situation. I cried and shook a lot. My eyes were glued to the door much of the night as if I were expecting Brian to come back to life and walk in here to torture me again. 

A nurse came in carrying a small plastic cup with a couple pills in it and a normal sized cup of water. 

"Here is your pain medication." The nurse smiled as she handed me the pills and water.  I was so thankful of the fact that she spoke English.

I took them and handed the two cups back to the nurse and she walked out. 

I lay there, taking in all that happened to Luna and I. I hoped Luna was doing ok. I can't imagine what it would be like to live with the guilt of unintentionally killing someone. Sure, Brian was a psychopath and he deserved it but I don't think I'd have it in me to kill him, even if I did want him dead. 

I really hoped Luna wasn't still mad at me. She came to look for me, so she had to at least be a little less angry, right? I don't know about Zayn but at least I had hope that Luna might forgive me. Then again, it is common sense. Pissed at me or not, Luna wasn't going to just sit around and let me get murdered. 

The only thing that I could find comfort in was knowing Brian is dead. He could no longer get to me. I was finally free. I no longer had to fear for my own life. I didn't have to be scared of being all alone. It was a great feeling. 

I should be happier about this. I couldn't be though because what he did to me left far worse effects on me than my broken leg. It disgusts me how anybody can be that psychotic. He was so delusional. It scared the shit out of me how he truly believed we were in love. 

I loved Liam. I shouldn't still love him but I do. He accused me of being in love with Niall but he was the one who kissed me first. I was the one who broke off our engagement and gave up the ring. I didn't actually talk about it with anybody else. I didn't really want to but I knew it was inevitable because they'd see I'm not wearing my ring and know something was wrong. 

The media would find out as well for sure. It would be all over magazines and the Internet. Paparazzi would hound Liam and bombard him with questions about the breakup. I hoped we could keep this as private as possible. 

What he said to me that night really hurt. I couldn't believe he had the nerve to say I'm an attention whore. It's not like I broke up with him for attention. I did it because he was being a completely unreasonable dickhead. I didn't get kidnapped by Brian for attention. I'm not that fucked up. 

Suddenly, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt hot and began sweating. My heart rate skyrocketed and it felt like it was going to explode. My throat and chest felt tight and I struggled to gasp for air. Shit, I was having a panic attack.

I was violently shaking and I felt so out of control. It was as if something was possessing me. I felt like I was detached from myself, like I wasn't in my own body. A wave of nausea shot through me and I felt like I was going to die. I couldn't move. All I could do was lie there and just take it all. 

I breathed heavily. Memories from the metro station came flooding back and it only made things worse. I wanted to scream for someone to help me but I couldn't produce any sound. I prayed for someone to walk into the room right now and help me to calm down but I was still alone. 

I don't know how much time had passed but it felt like an eternity. It was still happening and I was helpless. I hated having to wait for it to be over. My whole body felt so strange. I had never had a panic attack before until this moment. I guess that was the result of being so traumatized. 

All sound and sight just became a blur and I couldn't focus on anything from all the dizziness. If this is what death felt like, then I sure didn't want to die. 

~

*Liam's POV*

I was worried about Willow. She was probably traumatized and miserable. I didn't know if I should visit her at the hospital or not. She most likely didn't want to see me. I hated myself for the way I treated her. She didn't deserve any of that. 

I had absolutely no right to not let her explain herself. I shouldn't have been so stupid and placed all the blame on her. It was Niall's fault after all, not Willow's. I inspected the ring in my hands and I could feel my heart sinking. Between the drama with Luna and Zayn and of course, the situation with Brian, she was already dealing with enough bullshit before our fight. I didn't need to make it any worse by piling on more stress but it was much too late for that now. 

 I hadn't really talked to anybody else about the engagement being off. I hated thinking about it. Everyone was going to find out eventually. It wouldn't just be Luna and the other four boys. It would be the whole damn world. I wasn't ready for the media to constantly be reminding me of this situation. 

I promised Willow I wouldn't give her a reason to have anymore trust issues. I completely failed at doing that. I had one easy job and I fucked it all up. I had to see Willow. I had to talk to her. If I didn't, I could never live with myself. Maybe I'd just go when everyone else does. I do still want to give her the space that she needs.