Sh*t Happens

Falling Again

  It hurts. He knows how badly she hurt me. Yet, here he is. He's laughing, joking, and smiling at a hospital of which could've been holding my dead body. 

  I wish it was my dead body that this place was holding. 

  "Can we just go back to the room? I think I've had enough of the outside world today." I spoke softly. 

  She responded in the same tone whilst moving the chair towards the hospital room, "Yeah."

  We passed by the two again, they saw me and seemed enthusiastic at first but then I assume Esperanza told them to pop off because their faces became gloomy once again. 

  Esperanza assisted me back to the bed by holding me by the arm and lower back. The pain from my existing wounds was nice. It distracted me from the pain that lay deep within my chest.

  When she laid me down, I immediately churned to a more comfortable position. My wounds caused me to wince but Esperanza let me lay there. She knew that I just wanted to sleep. That's exactly what I did. 

  Soon enough I woke up, it was already dark.

  "I'm gonna go. I'll see you in the morning okay?" She spoke in a higher key than her natural voice because she wanted to seem okay. 

  "Mkay. Love you." I was weak but I wanted her to know that even though I want to leave this place so bad, I still love her. 

  "Love you too." She turned towards me and the light from outside my room spilled over her face and the floor like paint. And in those few seconds she turned, I could see her swollen face and another tear fall from her glistening eyes. 

  When she left I started thinking aloud. 

  "Why am I so stupid? How could I be so selfish? It would be so much better if I would've just ceased to exist in the first place. Then Jace wouldn't have gotten hurt. Aaron would have found someone better than me. Holden could be with Jay. Jay and Esperanza could go back to the way they prefered things. Jay would never have to feel lesser to Esperanza and Esperanza could stop feeling so torn between me and Jay when we get into arguments." 

  I was already pouring tears out. I then attempted to get up to grab tissue when someone's arm popped out and handed the tissues to me.

  "Maybe those things would've happened if you didn't exist. But you know what? I never would've found the group. We wouldn't all be so close if it weren't for your damned 'family dinners'. We would probably already have drifted apart. You may not have brought us together, but you know what, that's ok. You kept us together." 

  It was Holden speaking to me. He was a large figure and I would never be able to mistake that voice. That soft, sleepy voice. Even though his voice was soft and sleepy, it held firm. The way he spoke, he gave meaningless words meaning. 

  "Holden..." I turned towards him in my hospital gown, my voice weak and begging for comfort. 

  Instead of saying anything, he stood up, sat in my bed, and held me in his arms as I fell completely vulnerable. 

  In that moment I felt better, then the door opened spilling the light along the hospital floor and the back of the figure's head. It was tall and skinny, Aaron. 

  "Julia..." He spoke weakly and I wanted to throw everything I had at him. 

  "You... Y-you... w-why??" I spoke faintly as I let the tears fall from my face continuously. 

  He fell to his knees and started begging me to believe him. "I swear I didn't cheat on you. You have to believe me. I love you." He came to my side and placed his hand on mine. I yanked it away from him.