Sh*t Happens

Waking Up

Julia's POV

  Ughh.... My head is pounding.

  Where am I? Agh! Light. 

  I look to my left and find Holden smiling at my bedside as he watched me wake up. Damn it. Why does he look so good in this lighting? 

  When I finallly fully opened my eyes he turned to press on something which I guess calls the doctor, considering a few minutes later the doctor walked in.

  "Well look who finally decided to wake up." The doctor said cheekily.

  I groaned in response. 

  "So how are you feeling?" The doctor asked.

  Now I remember, I tried to-... Oh.

  "Well, not so great considering I am still alive and my wound dressing is drenched in blood. And the fact that I'm still here also begs to plea that I'm miserable." I said dryly.

  "Ok, sweetheart. You wanna tell me and your boyfriend why you attempted what you did?"

  "We aren't together." Holden and I said in sync. 

  "I  tried to drain the blood out of myself because I hate myself and everything my parents instilled into my mind about myself is true. No one could ever love me and I don't deserve any better than what I received." My voice started cracking.

  Holden stood quietly and listened to me pouring my heart out. He stood quietly and listened and waited until I was ready for someone else to speak. 

  "You know, you know damn well that if I had your mind set when it came to what my dad says about me you would say what I'm about to say right now. YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING PERSON I HAVE EVER MET AND DON'T YOU EVER DARE DOUBT THAT. YOU ARE AMAZING AND FUNNY AND SMART AND BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE KIND AND IF ANYTHING THAT JERK, THAT JERK AARON? He doesn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve a kind heart such as yours."

  He ranted and all I could think is, I'm sorry I ever hurt you. 

  In my eyes I don't deserve him. He is so kind, funny, a great listener, and a beautiful human being overall. I shouldn't have hurt him. These past few weeks, he became my best guy friend and we talked so much. 

  All he ever did was listen to me rant on and on and on. Oh my god. What is wrong with me? Why? Why can't I ever see what's right infront of me? 

Holden's POV

  Listening to her say she deserved what she got broke my heart. My best friend, and this is how she sees herself. No, no. I won't let her feel this way about herself. 

  I watched her as she let a tear fall from her face. Right then, Esperanza walked in and the moment she saw Julia she asked me to leave. I walked out without debate.

  I ran into Jay in the hallway. 

  "Hey, how's she doing?" Jay asked with a glimmer in her eye. 

  "She just woke up, Esperanza asked me to leave them alone though." I responded looking toward the ground. 

  I've never really talked to her one on one but she so beautiful. We've always been friends and stuff. She's so beautiful, amazing, strong, and smart. Yes, I'm talking about Jay.

  "Oh. Yeah, those girls are inseparable." She smiled.

  "Don't I know it." I replied with a confidence in that sentence. 

  In turn she let a laugh slip from her lips. She's gorgeous. 

  We went on and on and tried to cheer each other up. It worked.

Julia's POV

  Esperanza walked towards me with her arms wide open. We both started tearing up and soon enough the tears became uncontrollable. 

  "Thank god!" She bursted out whilst we were crying. Her voice broken and weak. 

  "I-I-I'm s-so sorry." I stuttered weakly.  I didn't think of how she would feel. I didn't even consider anyone else. 

  How could I be so selfish? How could I? 

  We went on and talked about the restaurant and what I saw at the park. 

  I felt so shitty and empty and numb. I talked about it without a single tear falling. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep and never wake up...

Esperanza's POV

  It hurt. Listening to her talk about what happened, it was like watching someone's soul slowly disappear. She seemed so broken. She was gone. I mean she's here, but she's gone.

  Her happy persona, gone. Her strength, gone. The fight in her, gone. I didn't know what to do. 

  "Wanna walk outside?" I asked her while grabbing her arm to lead her towards the door. 

  Maybe it isn't that she's gone, she's just tired. 

  "Fine..." She spoke so monotously. 

  She reluctantly lifted herself from the bed and shifted her weight so that her wounds wouldn't be taking much of the blow. Instead of letting her walk, I grabbed a wheel chair.

  She always loved it when we would mess around and I would push her around in something on wheels, so I thought it would cheer her up. 

  Instead of getting hyped, she just fell limply into the chair. I shook it off and moved towards the door. We opened the door and I pushed her out of the room and turned her towards the food area.

Julia's POV

  When Esperanza turned me, I saw something that broke something in me that I didn't think was there. I saw Holden and Jay. They were laughing and smiling. It was just like middle school... I wonder if he still likes her. 

  I thought of taking off the bandages on my body and grabing one of the plastic knives to just end it here, but I kept thinking and I came to the conclusion that I deserve this. I deserve to watch...this. 

  "Just keep pushing, Es." I told her. We didn't stop for the two. She just kept pushing me towards the food.

  Food, food equals comfort. But comfort equals fat. I think I can hold off some of this. 

  My mind returned to the main thing that was circling in my head. Jay and Holden...

  He's my best friend and he knows everything. I wonder if he remembers all of it. I mean she and I have fixed all the bull in middle school. But, Lucas and her lies... Whatever, I want Holden to be happy. He deserves it. Just like Jace did. Just like Aaron does. Just like Lucas does. 

word count: 1059

Author's note: Hey guys! I know I said that I wouldn't be updating for awhile but then I got some new material and I have the ending set up so that it complies with your wishes. It's going to be summer soon and so you guys can expect updates a little more regularly because I have literally no life.