A New Beginning

Chapter 10

Shiloh –

I am quickly losing my patience. The more details I receive about his condition, the more frantic I become to see him.  I am now really desperate to see Orion but we are waiting in Dr. Yuri's office while he checks on him to see if he is stable enough for a visit. Everything is touch and go as of right now. Dr. Yuri also explained that over the last couple of days, they have lost Orion a couple of times and that he is pretty much on life support.

I will be seeing him by myself much to my grandmother's chagrin. She fears for my mental stability right now and honestly I don't blame her but I need to see him for myself, alone. I need the reassurance that he is still with us even in his catatonic state.  As long as he is breathing I can hang on to that. I don't want her there in the room with me as I try to come to terms with everything that has happened up until now.  I know she won't judge me but I just need to do this alone.

"Sweetheart, once you see him, I need you to try and stay focused. I know it will be bad but Orion needs you and in order for you to take care of him, you need to stay the course. Remember that he will need you, us to help him get through this when he wakes up because I believe with all my heart that he will wake up for you.  Promise me you will try." "I will do my best Gran but right now I have no clue what I'll be walking into. I am so scared.  I don't know if I'll be able to handle seeing him any differently than the strong handsome man he's always been."

"I know dear but just remember that I will not be too far away if you need me for anything." I give this amazing woman a big hug, look down into her eyes and without a word between us we somehow have a conversation that says it will be alright somehow!  I let go just as Dr. Yuri enters his office. I get up and turn towards him. "You and I are going to head down to Critical Care. We will need to get you sanitized and then into a gown for Orion's protection. After that we should be good to go."

I look over to my grandmother again and she gives me a big squeeze and says, "I am going to find out what passes for food around here. You call my cellphone for anything you hear me and once you are done as well." She gives me this look that lets me know I had better not mess with her.  "Okay!" I turn towards the door and as I go to leave I turn back to her and say, "Gran, I love you very, very much!" The smile on her sad face gives me the strength to move forward.

I follow the good doctor down a confusing maze of hallways and after about five minutes we come to a room that has sinks and disinfectants and all manner of items to get you as sanitized as possible when entering a critical patient's room.  It's important to keep any possible contagions out of the room since his immune system is very low right now as his body fights to keep him alive. 

Before I start the process of cleansing myself with the instruction of the nursing staff here, Dr. Yuri takes my right arm and wraps a wrist band on my wrist. I give him a questioning look so he responds, "It's procedure.  You're his spouse and will need twenty four hour access to Orion especially if something goes wrong and we need to call you here.  Upon returning you will not need to go through reception. All you need to do is come up to the elevators and directly to our unit. This bracelet will provide you that access."

I nod in understanding. I can't produce words right at this moment knowing that somewhere on this floor, Orion is fighting for his life. My husband, the one who shattered my soul is just a hairs breath away from death and that at any moment I will be able to finally see him, to touch him, to reassure myself that he is flesh and blood.  He may be broken but he is still alive and that's all that matters for now.

I don't even feel his betrayal right now. All I feel is empty inside knowing that he could be gone at any moment permanently and the only thing I can think is, did I drive him to this?   Did I push him to the brink with my sudden departure?  He was wasted just like I was when I left him but unlike me, he was all alone. If there was no one for him to talk to then it would make sense but I will not know unless he wakes up.  Please wake up soon.

The doctor accompanies me to one of six doors on this wing. "Shiloh, I wish that I could say Orion looks worse than he is but that really isn't the case and I like to be upfront and honest. We are doing everything to keep him alive. He is hooked up to all kinds of monitors which will look scary at first glance, a ventilation machine to help him breathe, both his legs and his arm are in casts as well as his ribs which we have been wrapped up but he is really banged up and there is bruising and cut marks everywhere.  These will eventually heal but they do look worse than they are so try not to be too alarmed at first okay."

As I go to open the door to his room, I give myself a pep talk. I can do this!  I can stand by him and be strong for the both of us as I am strong and he's alive and I plan on keeping him that way.  I will not accept anything less. "Let's go in for a visit and once I feel you will be okay, I will leave you alone with him okay!"

I give him a look that shows my gratitude for his gentle care of me considering that Orion is his patient.  I push the door open and immediately notice that this is a single room. I notice how quiet it is by how pronounced the sounds of all the machines he's attached to are. I walk further into his room and gasp aloud...