There Goes My Life *larry mpreg* [au]

Nine

"I can't believe you didn't tell me it was your birthday."

Louis groans, shaking his head as he hands Harry a pair of sweatpants. "You need to start wearing your own clothes," He says before replying to Harry's statement. "It's not a big deal."

"Yes it is!" Harry argues. "You're eighteen now, an adult! You can legally drink at parties."

"Because I'm sure the next few months will be filled with parties," Louis says sarcastically. Harry pouts at his teasing and pulls Louis' sweatpants on over his lace panties (that he totally caught Louis staring at). "Harry, seriously, I don't care much for birthdays. My Mum usually makes a cake and gets me a new pair of cleats. That's it. You're not obligated to do anything for my birthday, we're not together or anything."

Harry frowns, swallowing thickly at Louis' words, and Louis can already infer birthdays were always a big deal at his house. "Are we ever going to be together?" Harry whispers, and although his words are bold his voice is timid. Louis turns around.

"Is this a conversation we have to have now?" He asks harshly, and Harry winces. His face softens right after he says it. "No, fuck, Harry, I'm sorry. I'm just not ready."

"No, it was stupid of me to ask," Harry insists quietly, shaking his head and turning away from Louis. He picks up his hairbrush and starts to tame his morning hair as Louis stares at himself in the mirror, sighing deeply.

"It wasn't," Louis retorts just as quietly. "I just. You'd understand if you knew. And I-I don't feel comfortable telling anyone. Not yet. I'm sorry."

Harry just nods, and Louis feels bad. He feels as though he's shutting Harry out, but he can't help it. Harry just sits at Louis' desk chair and curls up, tucking his knees and wrapping his arms around his legs.

"You're hurting me," Harry admits softly, staring at the floor. "And I know you're not trying to, but you are, and I don't know how much longer I can just watch you not feel the same way."

"That's not it!" Louis snaps, spinning around and glaring at Harry without realising what he's doing. "Goddamnit, Harry, I know you're used to getting whoever you want, but I'm not one of those fucking baseball players that will do anything just to get in your pants. I have some dignity and I'm just not ready. What don't you understand? Has hanging out with those dumbasses you call friends gotten to you?"

Louis exhales, hands balled up into fists as he stares at Harry. Harry just stares at him, big eyes shiny with tears as Louis can feel every angry feeling in him soften.

"I'm hurting you," Harry realises, voice watery as he wipes his eyes. "I-I'm sorry."

"No, Harry," Louis sighs, putting his hands over his face. "No, you're not, that's not it."

"Whatever happened, you didn't think about it as much before I showed up," Harry points out. "I can tell. And I don't like being the one who does that to you."

"Harry, it's-" Louis swallows thickly, licking his lips and shaking his head. He doesn't know what to say. Harry has a point. But he doesn't want him to feel guilty over anything. "Love, c'mon. Let's make you some tea and then we can read Christmas stories or something."

"Louis," Harry says, wiping his eyes. "I want to talk about this. Not about whatever happened. I want to talk about what we're going to do about this."

"We don't have to do anything," Louis replied, grabbing Harry's hand. Harry looks at Louis confusedly, tears starting to run down his cheeks.

"It's things like this that make me feel the need to," Harry hisses, lifting his hand from Louis' grip and stepping back from him. "What are we doing here, Louis? I'm hurting you. I can't live with that, I genuinely care about you. I can't live here knowing I only remind you of something that upsets you."

"You have to live here," Louis replies in disbelief, not knowing what to say. "Y-You're having my kid."

"And that's the only reason?" Harry's features soften, frowning and wrapping his arms around himself. "That's the only reason you started talking to me? That's the only reason we're even...even friends?"

"Harry," Louis says wearily. "No. That's not true. It brought us together, yeah, but if I could have I would have confronted you a long time ago."

"Why couldn't you have?" Harry asks, wiping his eyes. "I feel like just because I have a lot of friends that you think I'm superficial not loyal like some of the people I hang out with are, but that's not true."

"I know that's not true," Louis argues desperately, shaking his head. "It was just hard. I'm not outgoing and extroverted like you are! It's hard for me to just walk up to people and talk to them sometimes! I used to be like that, but now..."

"Now what?" Harry asks softly, sniffling.

"I can't open up to people as well," Louis explains, voice shaking. "You remind me of her, Harry, it's scary to me. The things you laugh at. The way you have to stop and pet every dog. The way you are with my sisters. It's all just like her."

"I'm sorry," Harry whispers, wiping his eyes again.

"I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her," Louis continues, looking down at his sock-covered feet and shaking is head. "We were going to graduate uni together, and get married, and start a family."

"I'm sorry," Harry repeats, and Louis glances up at him.

"I'm sorry it's hard for me," Louis replies sincerely. "I can't...I can't help it."

"I know," Harry says quietly. There's a moment of silence between them. "I think I'm going to go stay with Jade for awhile."

Louis' face softens. "What? Why?"

"I just think it'd be better for both of us," Harry admits. Louis takes a deep, shuddering breath, reaching over and attacking Harry in a hug.

"I'm sorry," Louis says shakily, holding Harry tightly. Harry hugs him back, arms around the taller boy's shoulders as he feels tears slip out of his eyes.

"I know," Is all Harry can say, wiping his eyes with one hand and gripping the back of Louis' shirt with the other.