There Goes My Life *larry mpreg* [au]

Thirty-One

hi harry breastfeeds and if u don't like that i don't really give a shit it's my book thanks xoxo

"Do you think he thinks I'm a good mum?"

"I think he's three weeks old and you need to stop worrying whether you're a bad mum or not."

Harry frowns. They're on the couch, Harry resting against Louis' back and Josh cradled in his arms. They're watching The Office, and it's late, and they're both exhausted.

"I'm sorry," He mumbles, looking back down at Josh and smiling. He's so perfect. He's pink, and chubby, and he's got a button nose and long eyelashes brushing against the tops of his cheeks. He looks beautiful and sleepy-soft in the blanket Louis had swaddled him in, finally getting it right after trying for weeks.

"No, no, H," Louis sighs, taking his eyes off the telly and to Harry and Josh. "I just mean, like, you have no reason to worry. You're a wonderful mum." He kisses the top of Harry's head. "I just worry about you. My mum had postpartum depression with the older twins, and it was scary, and I don't want you to be the same way."

Harry's stomach twists. "I-I don't think that's what it is," He mumbles unsurely. "I'm just...Lou, what if I turn out like my mum?"

Louis lifts the remote off of the edge of the couch and pauses the telly, focusing all his attention on Harry. "Why don't you want to turn out like your mum?" He asks softly, moving his arm from the back of the couch to Harry's waist.

"She was never around," Harry says softly. "I had, like, twelve different nannies up until the ninth grade. I-I don't want to miss him growing up. My mum wasn't even there for my first steps or my first word, and the thought of missing Josh doing those things breaks my heart. My mum missed me, like...becoming a person. Growing up. She barely knew me."

It sounds awful, but maybe that's why Harry did all of those things before they met. Being sexual with guys and sneaking into places and drinking, maybe he just wanted some attention, since his mum wasn't giving him any.

"Oh, Haz," Louis says softly. Harry is quiet, keeping his eyes on Joshua. "I'm so sorry, baby."

"Don't be," Harry says after a few moments. "But I'm so much like her, like, personality wise, and I'm afraid that I'm going to turn out like her. I-I don't want to miss out on being his mum."

Louis rests his chin on Harry's shoulder, pressing a kiss to his jawline. "You won't, babe, I promise you won't miss out on a thing. You're a great mum, love."

Harry leans into Louis more, moving the blanket away from Josh's face. "I love you," He says with a gentle smile. "Thank you, Lou."

Louis just smiles, looking down at Josh. "I love you too. Think he's ready for bed," He says quietly. "I can take him."

"No, I can do it," Harry assures, slowly standing up off the couch with Joshua. Louis gives him a smile, looking proud. "I'll bring the baby monitor when I come back down, yeah?"

"Sounds good, Hazza," Louis nods, watching as Harry slowly carries Josh out of the lounge.

Harry comes back downstairs with the baby monitor in hand, switching it on and setting it on the coffee table before laying down in Louis' arms.