Destiny

The Bad Feeling

Sya ampai brg2 yg sya bli td. Spnjg otw pulang sya sama Lonad xbnyk brckp. Dua2 speechless. I think Emily is back. Lonad bilang dia d New York. Dia p sana lepas dorg divorced.

'Jadi dorg divorced sebab dia mau jd model?' Sya tnya c Lonad. I still have bunch of curiosity.
'Begitulah yg sya dgr. dia xmau sdh kana glr2 model kampung, dia mo jd Diva model.' Paling manang juga tu ayat Lonad. Hmpr2 no sya mo ketawa dlm keseriusan.

Now I know 'Why'. She catch her dream to be an international model. Tak ada logika bilang tu lagu Agnes Monica. For me, she still can be a model without left bhind her loves one. WHY not she take an example as the other supermodel which is still can build a happy family? But of course I know, different people different way..

Tp sya faham juga situasi Emily. Only if she has the same thought. I dont think so, if she is she wont leave her little baby and let Iam be both, a mother and a father.

Huhh! Sya mengeluh sdri. Terus sya baring, peluk bntl sya. What next?

Takkan sya mau kasitau Mr Liam sya nmpk Emily. Mana tau bkn dia. She can be anyone! Emily, is that u? Kalau dbndgkan dgn dia, btl2 sya ni mcm tu sneakers, Emily pla red high heels. She is an international model yg famous. While me, I have nothing to proud of, model kampung pn xjadi.

Only one I can probably proud of is.......... sya pkr2 tp mcm x juga. Perhaps I can be a good mother to Owen..
Esssshh! Sya kasi surugau rmbt sya. Rasa tercbr jga sya kalau itu btl2 Emily. I am jealous now?!

Terus sya selongkar my heels collection. Dlu sya obsess dgn heels msa kerja hospitality. Lepas tu sya tapuk dorg sdh sana pisuk2. Now, time to action!

Sya p buka tu kotak hadiah dri Mr Liam. You know that dress, almost exactly mcm dress Anna yg dia menari sama Christian dlm Fifty Shades of Grey. Sya p pakai then try with my 5 inch stiletto heels also peach colour with black lace d dpn. Sya cekak pinggang smbl silang kaki dpn cermin. Chin up, smile and walk! Who says I am not beautiful?

Sya try2 jalan ala2 model. Mcm sumbang ja catwalk sya hahaha lama btl sdh x pakai heels kan..

'Come on Bella. We can do it!' Sya try lg 1,2,3 step..

Ouch!! Kaki sya terpeliok. Sya duduk sdh smbl tingu2 kaki sya. Sya buka kasut then umban d tepi. What r u trying to do Issabella? You look like a fool..

Urrgghh! Sya mencebik sdri smbl urut2 buku lali sya. Nasib xterseliuh..Budu bah kau ni Issabella? Sya marah dri sdri.

Emily is Emily, Issabella is Issabella. Takkan sya pn mau jd model mcm dia. No! But now wat I am trying to prove? Satu Emily sdh cukup.

Now is my turn worried for nothing. Actually ya.. I am worried how if Iam back together with her? Kerisauan yg lma sdh sya buang skg balik lg. Its hurt my head!

Sya ambl fon. Sya cek Iam online. Sya watsap dia.

Me: What u doing? Miss u.. <3
(Sbnrnya xtau berapa juta kali sya typing n delete. That words not sounds like myself hahaha)

5 minutes passed. Xkna reply. Mcm memanas tu kpla sya. I feel dumb and dissapointed.

Sya tkr bju sma simpan balik tu kst sya. Runaway yg xmenjadi. Yg jadi sakit hati pla. Jealousy take over whole my mind.

Ting! Ada watsap notifications. Cepat2 sya cek. Don! Makin sya kecewa. Sya fkr lain2 sdh. Whats wrong with me?

Don: Hi Bell, do u have a time?
Me: yes..
Pndk ja sya jwp. Gerigitan kan. Sya mo rehat tp sebab sya sakit hati mcm memberontak pla tu jiwa sya. Mau mogok.
Don: Great! Dinner maybe?
Me: Sure. wat time?
Issabella is on fire! Padahal sya masi kenyang. Sblm balik sya sma Lonad p makan dlu.
Don: Bah I fetch u on 8.00pm... (ada emoticon smile yg happy)
Me: Ok..

Kerana cemburu, ego dan amarah sya yg meluap2 mengatasi segala2nya sya setuju ja dgn pelawaan Don. Pg makan ja pun bilang tu hati sya. Mau bela dri sdri. How foolish!

Don is meaning dont! I am blind in my anger for a while...