Destiny

Unspoken Pain

I feel my heart Like Being Hit By A Bullet by Baek Ji Young. Its hurt me so much.

I dont know..
My heart is awake and I cant put it to sleep,
All it does is hurt so much I feel like dying,
Like being hit by a bullet...

Tiada lagi malam yg indah. Buli berendam air mata sdh. Belum habis bah air mata c Issabella ni, bnyk juga. Panat kepala sya pkr. Balik rumah, terus sya duduk menghadap koruk sya. Sya lentok kepla sya atas mija smbil tingu Loca sama Lola berenang palan2. Kdg2 dorg tingu sya..

‘Kamu tau ka kmu punya geng betrayed me.’ Sya sentuh2 tu akuarium dgn jari telunjuk sya. Sweet mana pun Don, he cant heal my heart. Tipu kalau hati sya langsung xtersentuh tp hati n perasaan sya masi menghrapkn Iam. Kenapa saja sya xdgr dlu penjelasan dia kn? 

Urrggghhh! Sya mengeluh sdri. Sya bangun p ambil tuala terus sya mandi. Masa sya mandi sya terbyg2 lg Mr Liam ketawa2 sama Emily. Are they laughing of me? Air mata sya bercampur sdh dgn air. Sya nangis lagi. Syakah yg budu? No, Issabella! Stop crying..

Sya cek fon. Sya scroll nama Iam. Message sya bluetick sdh. So he read it already. Sya buang fon sya ats tilam. Sya nmpk tu kotak hadiah yg Mr Liam kasi. Sakit mata sya tingu, sakit lg hati sya. Sya p ambil terus sya umban sana pisuk. Berhambur tu kotak sama tu dress atas lantai. Xcukup lagi sya p ambil masuk dlm bakul sampah. Puas hati sya!

Terus sya baring. Sya mau tidur. Sya harap pagi bisuk sya lupa sdh semuanya. Mata sya tdr sdh tp fikiran sya masih lg xpandai mengantuk. I feel lonely and neglected. How could u Iam! Hujung mata sya panas lagi. I don’t know, I am sleeping with broken heart. Mimpi sya kana telan sdh oleh tu kesedihan sya.

Sya dgr fon sya ringing sayup2 d gegendang telinga sya. Sya biar ja, mcm dlm mimpi. Kijap ja stop sdh tu ringtone. Few second, ringing lg. Sya buka mata kici ja. Sya rasa mata sya bengkak sdh. Apa x, semalaman sya tdr dgn bawang hahaha Sya raba2 tilam cari fon sya. Sya tingu tu screen fon, mamai2 lg sya rasa. Siapa pla call sya awal pagi ni? Fikiran sya masi belum bangun.

Iam!!! Terus sya bangun. Mata sya segar terus mcm kana siram air. Jawab ka x? Sya gigit bibir. Mcm bergagar seluruh badan sya. Call ended, 7 miss called. Sya tingu ja tu fon sya dgn nafas berat. Why not we hear his excuses first Issabella? Naluri sya bertingkah lg.

Ting! Ada watsap notifications. Lambat2 sya cek.

Iam: Bella, open the door. I am in front of ur house now.
Gulp! Sya telan air liur basi. Hampir2 sya terlompat. Apa dia buat sini? Dia mau kasitau dia balik sdh dgn Emily? Darah sya menyirap panas sampai d kepala sdh. Sya tau once sya suruh dia masuk konpom cepat cair tu hati sya. Kalau message bukan main garang lg.
Me: What u want? Go away!
Iam: Please Bella! I can explain it. U salah faham..
Me: Apalgi yg sya xtau Mr Liam? You have even more to hide from me. I don’t want to hear about it. Bagus u balik, I am outside of tis world..
Main tipu lg sya xdrumah. Jd dmana kunun, sana Marikh sma alien ka? Bertambah2 tu amarah sya. Ingat2 senang2 sya mo terima apa yg dia buat. Nasib Mr Liam xkatuk2 tu pintu. Sya diam2 ja dlm bilik.
Iam: I know u inside, Bella. Tolonglah Bella, jgn bgni. Don’t be so childish. We can discuss tis properly. Let me in.

Me: I have nothing to discuss with u. Go, leave me alone!
Sya dgr2 bah sayup2 notification ring dri luar. Awal pagi kan suasana hening btl. Kalau air menitik pun buli dgr.
Iam: Bella, that’s not how u think. Kalau u fkr begitu, so how about u and DON?

Checkmate! Silaka huruf basar lg tu nama c Landon. Sya tulak fon d tepi. Tp sekurang2nya  sya ada bagitau dia sya keluar makan dgn Don. Compared with him, he don’t even reply my text, sya call pun xdpt. Tiba2 sya yg bersalah pla.

Iam: Bella, please! Open the door, I bring u breakfast.
Masih lg sya berdegil, blm mkn pujuk. Biar dia berdiri d luar. That’s ur punishment! Mcm budak sekolah yg xsiap kerja rumah kana denda berdiri d luar kelas smbl angkt kerusi. Angkat laitu makanan yg kau beli bilang tu hati sya menyunyut saturang.

Setiap kali sya ignore watsap dia, dia keep on watsap-ing me.
Iam: Bella, I lapar ni. I do love u, I do miss u. Is not that I cant live without u, but if I die of hungry I even cant love u no more..
Ini lucu. Tercuit hati sya. Sound like he so hungry! Buli ja baitu dia makan sana dlm kereta, mengada2 lg. Mau2 lembut sdh hati sya.

Grooookkk! Silaka! Perut sya pun hntr pesanan sdh mau minta makan. I shudnt hungry! Hahaha Mau menafikan lagi. Masa2 begini jugalah perut sya minta isi. Sya gusuk2 perut sya, lg parah kalo gastric sya menyerang.

Akhirnya, sya keluar dri bilik. Palan2 sya pulas tombol pintu. Sya buka kici ja, sya cubuk2 Mr Liam. I can saw his face. Mcm sya mau menangis. His face mcm tu org gila sana Bukit Padang. God! Sebak pla dada sya. 70% amarah sya lenyap. Sebab syakah dia jd bgtu?

Sya buka pintu sdh. Setia ja Mr Liam bdri tunggu tu pintu kana buka.
‘Bella...’ Suara dia mcm dgr x ja sebut nama sya. He look so tired!
Pandangan mata dia btl2 layu dan sayu. Sya diam, sya tingu dia ja dgn pndgn kosong. Bida btl tu muka dia, rambut dia poinsurugau. Mcm yg xmandi semalaman. Hensom lg tu Om sana tpi laut hahaha Lemah saja dia masuk. Sya ambil tu Mcd d tgn dia, sya letak d mija.  Ada dua set meal.

Tiba2 sya rasa kana peluk erat dri belakang. Sya xdpt tahan sdh sebak d dada sya. I feel I am teary.  Sya pejam mata kijap. Sya buka mata, pandangan sya berlapis2 sdh.

“Bella, I am sorry. I swear its not how u think.’ Dia kiss bahu sya bertalu2. Sya pigang tgn dia yg melingkar d pinggang sya.
Sya pusing menghadap dia. Sya tatap muka dia. Air mata  sya terus mengalir laju. Sedih pla sya tingu keadaan dia. Sya kasi kamas2 rmbt dia. Dia lap2 air mata sya lg. 100% amarah sya hilang dlm hembusan angin.
‘Betul?’ Sya sentuh pipi dia, sya usap2 lg dgn ibu jari sya.
‘I swear!’ Dia pejam mata smbl gesel2 pipi dia d tapak tgn sya.
‘Then tell me why?’ Sya tetap mau tau alasan dia buat begitu. WHY Iam?
‘Can we eat first, lapar..’ Alamak, sya telupa! Hahaha Actually sya pn lapar sdh ni.

‘Sorry, u eat first. Sya cuci muka dlu.’ Sya kasi alih tgn dia dri pinggang sya.
‘No! we eat together.’ Mcm dia tkt btl sya lari. Mau lari p mana, rumah sya pla ni.
‘I am not running away. Kijap ja.’ Sya kiss pp dia. He smile, I smile.
‘I wait for u.’ Palan2 dia kasi lepas tgn sya. Begitu rindukah dia dgn sya? Betul2 sya xbuli marah lama oh sama ni lelaki. How lovely! 

He finally came as I wish. Cuma lambat sikit.   Sya p berus gg sama cuci muka ja. Kasian itu koruk kelaparan. Cepat2 sya keluar. Aik x sdh dia duduk2 d dining table. Sya tingu tu pintu tertutup ja. Sya p dapur. Sya nmpk dia p cuci muka pla d sinki. Dia tadah air d tpk tgn then raup di muka dia beberapa kali. Hujung anak rmbt dia basah2. Dia masi xperasan sya tingu2 dia.

Mcm sya mabuk ketum seja tingu dia cuci muka begitu hahaha Sya scan body dia dri bwh ke atas. Iam in his 30s but he still have a muscular body. Dia bilang kdg2 dia rajin pg gym juga. Kalau x, jogging around 30minutes  stp off day. No wonder kalau Emily…

Pakkk! Lamunan sya mati. Mr Liam petik jari btl2 dpn muka sya. Entah yg bila dia siap cuci muka. Dia tersenyum tingu sya yg terkejut. Now, he look fresh. Xsudah mcm org gila hahaha rmbt dia yg basah2 menggoda jiwa sya. How seductive!

‘Errr..sorry. lets eat.’ Sya tersipu. Sya kedip mata smbl geleng kpla. Malu btl sya, bkn sya marah kaitu mcm singa betina tadi? Skg jinak sdh mcm tu kucing Siam.
‘No..’ Mr Liam tarik sya dlm pelukan dia. Bilang td lapar.
‘I miss u.’ Sya bilang terus sya balas pelukan dia. I feel calm close by in his chest.
‘Me too. U forget something..’ Dia bisik pelan d telinga sya.
‘What?’ Sya tingu dia penuh rindu. Deii bru smlm pn sya nmpk dia, tp yg bikin panas gia. 
‘This..’ Dia kiss lips sya lembut sekejap. We looked each other into eyes. Aii itu ayam guring menunggu sdh tu d mija..
‘I want more.’ Dia bisik d telinga sya lg. Dia tergelak kecil bila tgn sya main2 sdh d blkg dia.
He kissed me back roughly and longer. I jumped on him. I locked my leg on his waist. While we kissed I take off his shirt and play my hand again at his back as I wish.  Then slowly, he walk me into my room and together we go to another world of <3.

I am sorry, Don is still Don’t. I am sorry Emily, challenge accepted!