Destiny

Love Hate

Everything changed. Mr Liam jd perengus. Hilang sudah romantika dia. Sya hanya mampu menangis dlm hati. Syakah yg salah? Berkali2 sya tnya dri sya. Berkali2 sya cuba mau explain Iam xpernah mau dgr.
Now, few time sdh Emily dtg ofis. They lunch together. He treat me like I dont exist anymore. Sabar Issabella! Kenapa dia buat sya bgni? Dia fkr dia sejakah yg sengsara? Dia fkr dia sejakah yg terluka?

'I wont breaking up with u Issabella. I will make u suffered until u beg me to let u go. Remember that!' Bengis btl muka Iam mcm tu Raja Firaun. Kalau itu yg dia mau, I will do it! I will leave. Dripada terus dsakiti bgni. Sya nekad. I have to end it.

Few days sdh kmi mcm tu tikus sma kucing. Syala tu tikus yg slu tkt dmkn kucing. Salah skit satu ofis meletup. Air mata sya mau kemarau sdh. Lawak antrabangsa Lonad cant make me laugh anymore.

Tok! Tok! Tok! Bergegar juga sya ketuk pintu ofis Mr Liam. But I have to.

'Masuk.' Kasar tu suara Mr Liam. Kenapa baini dia xbunuh ja sya?
'Iam..I mean boss..' Terketar2 bbr sya bckp. Palan2 sya tutup pintu.
'Yes, Issabella. What can I do for you?' Dia renung sya tajam. Mata sya berkaca2 lgi. I try to be nice, to be patience. How could he treat me like this?!
'Kalau u mau ngs dpn sya ja bgni, I dont hve a time. Keluar!' Dia tunjuk tu pintu dgn sorotan mata yg tajam. Buli kaitu sya cucuk mata dia pakai garfu?

Sya berdri. Sya pusing. Ternyata sya belum cukup kuat. Sya genggam kuat2 dua tgn sya. Sya pejam mata, deras air mata sya mengalir. I have enough of this! Sya katup gg. I think I reached my limit alrdy.

Sya pusing balik dpn dia. Sya lap air mata dpn dia, sya renung dia lg tajam. Lain terus muka Mr Liam. Terkejut dia tingu reaksi sya. I dont know where did I get these strength to fight back. Go Issabella!

'So do u really think u r the only one suffered?! Did u ever put my situation in ur shoes?! Teda kan?! Fine, right now I am begging you to let me go. I wont ever show my face to you anymore!' Serak2 suara sya tahan tangis. Sedaya upaya sya tahan air mata sya lg. Bgs lg sakit hati sekali dri stp saat hati sya bdarah ja.

Bulat mata Mr Liam tingu sya. Terus dia berdiri. Dia p dkt sya. Sya berundur setapak. Dia cengkam pergelangan tgn sya kuat. Punya sakit. Mgkn dia mau bunuh sya sdh ni kali.

'So did u sleep with him?' Dia p tulak badan sya d dinding. Goshh! He is crazy! Kata2 dia tu mcm sembilu yg menusuk d dada sya.
'I am not! Iam, no..please!' Sya tekan suara sya. Sya pejam mata sdh. He kiss me roughly dlm paksa. Sya cuba elak tp xdpt. Manalah sya dpt lwn tenaga lelaki dia. Why? Why Iam, why u suddenly changed to a monster bfore my eyes? Iam the one I love, which is love me is a gentleman. Not a b*****d!

'Tell me Issabella, did he kiss u better than me?' Habis muka, leher n bbr sya dia cium2 kasar. Xhabis2 lg dia tuduh sya mcm2. Sakit hati sya mcm kana siat2 pakai pisau sdh. Air mata sya xdpt sdh sya tahan. Sya rasa sya ni pelacur d mata dia. Disgusting!
'Please! Iam, stop it..' Berabis sya tulak dada dia dgn sblh tgn sya.

Sya teresak2 kecil sdh. At last, kasar dia kasi lepas tgn sya smpi sya hmpr trjth.
'Huh!' Dia hampas tu pintu kuat2. Dia kasi tggl sya bgtu ja. When I want to discuss about us, he always left. Dan slu bkasar dgn sya. Betul2kah perasaan dia untk sya 0?

Begitu bencikah dia dgn sya? Palan2 sya terduduk. Sya peluk lutut sdh nangis. Btl2 sya xtahan sdh dgn penghinaan demi penghinaan, tuduhan demi tuduhan yg xbtl. Only if I can prove it!

'Bell, r u ok?' Lonad tiba2 masuk. Dia usap2 blkg sya.
'I am not okay Lonad! I feel like want to die.' Btl2 rapuh sdh hati sya kana buat bgtu oleh Mr Liam. Rasa mau bunuh dri pn ada. No Issabella! Itu palui adik beradik sama buduh.
'Bella, be strong!' Lonad p peluk bahu sya.

This is too much. Sya rasa sdh tiba masanya sya patut fkr dlu apa yg terbaik untk dri sya. I have to go. Lepas sya okay sdh, sya kemas2 mija sya. I need vacation right now. I know running away is not the best solution but I think its was a good idea to calm myself first.

About my relationship dgn Iam, I am not sure. Biarlah buat msa ini gantung begitu saja. Kalau ada jodoh, xkn kemana. Kalau x, sya pasrah. I am ready for anything.

'Lonad, help me give this letter to Iam. I dont know how long I will be gone. But for sure it will be a while.' Kami berpelukan.
'I am gonna miss u Bell. Jaga diri. Anything let me know. I'll always be a good listener for u.' Mata Lonad merah sdh tahan air mata. Dia lap2 bwh mata dia pakai hujung2 jari dia. Oh stop it Lonad. Sempat lg dia. Dasar!
'Thanks Lonad. I will. Sent my regards to Nani.' Hari tu ngam2 Nani cuti. Jd xsempat jumpa dia.
'Jangan kau merajuk lama2 ah Bell. Teda kwn sya bergossip.' Lonad pigang lengan sya. Excuse me, sya xtermasuk dlm list ah Lonad. Dia ni pura2 sedih baini kan bilang hati sya. Yala, bukan sya p mati pun. Membawa hati yg lara ja. Atukkoi, Issabella. kalau kana fired pun sya xkisah. Sdh juga tu ada surat resign sekali dgn broken love letter.

'Esshh xla, sya mau kasi tenang ja fkrn sya. Sesak n serabut btl kpla sya. Tkt sya lama2 sini meletup ni kpla sya dpn kau.' Sya main2 bikin hibur2 hti.
'Buduh kau Bell. Kau pkr ni gunung berapi ka?' Lonad pukul bahu sya. Sakit jugala nga biar, itu tgn dia mimang semut api tu. Bergerak saja, mcm tu sutung kurita pnya janggut2 yg pnjg.
'Gunung berapi otak, yg bila2 buli meletus.' Sya tersengih.
'Whatever!' Kami sama2 tertawa. Gedik! For the first time I can laugh again like tis. Thanks to Lonad.

Sya balik awal ja (jgn ikut style Issabella, nti kana bagi surat layang). Sya lngsg xmsj or call Mr Liam. Xguna, bkn dia jwb tu. He dont even care. Xmau sya jd perigi yg cari timba. X adil bg sya, luka dlm hti sya sdh cukup dalam. Cukup2lah kana taruh garam yg bikin tmbh pedih.

Sya rasa ini ja cra terbaik untk kami. Teda tmpt lain sya mau pigi. Balik kampung! Sya xdpt tahan sdh tahap kesengsaraan dlm dri sya. Mau meditasi dlu d kg yg hijau. Buli kasi sajuk2 itu mata, hati, jiwa dan fikiran. All in one package.

Sya kasi keluar fon. Sya dial num mummy.
Xpla mummy jwb, voicemail. Dia sibuk kali. Itu kompiuto saja yg jawab bilang mami kalau dia call sya pn voicemail. Mesej jala. Nanti mami baca juga tu.
Me: Mummy, sya mo pulang kg bisuk. Kasi masak sya Tuhau goreng cmpr ikan bilis..
Sempat lg sya sisip order. Food, the best medicine when u r heartbroken.
Mummy: Bah..hati-hati.Mami tunggu.
Aikk laju pula membls c mami kalo message. Langsung dia xtnya knapa tiba2 ja sya pulang. Mksdnya sampai drumah ada sesi interbiu tu. Mo ready2 jawapan sdia ni.
Me: Ok mi. lob u..
Mami xbalas sdh. Xpandai bogia dia English. Xpaham laitu apa sya bilang.

Lepas tu sya cri contact num Sophie. I need to talk to her. Hanya Sophie plg memahami sya dlm keadaan begini. Terus sya watsap tu retis yg lawa.

Me: Fiee, can we meet. I need ur shoulder to cry..
Sophie: Uitsss bebeh, wat happened? Don make u cry lg ka..sya timbak dia nti d rumah..
Cepat btl tu tindak bls otak c Sophie oh. Mengena lagi tu. Patut dia join sukan memanah ni. Memanah semut..
Me: Nolah, I miss talking to u. Sblm sya balik kg kita kupi2 dlu.
Sophie: Ala kau xkestau awal. Buli juga sya ikut. Mana tau jumpa juduh sana..
Me: Unplanned vacation juga ni. Punya bnyk jodoh dpn mata kau tu..
Sophie: Semuanya sakit d hati. Xbuli pakai. Bulilah kasi pokai bikin belanja eskrim vannila...
Buli tahan juga c Sophie ni kalau dtg gila2 tu kpla dia. Ngam ni jd geng karas c Lonad Lonada.
Me: Yala, ada2 seja kau ni. Bah kita jmpa tmpt smala ah..
Sophie: Buli bah kalau kau, Bell. Ngam2 juga sya shooting dkt2 sana..
Me: Bah see u..
Sophie: Ok. see u..
End of chat.

I am sorry Iam, I fail to find the best way for us. Cukuplah derita siksa yg dia bagi. Sya xmampu sdh mo tanggung. Lagipun ini yg dia mau kan. I wish his happiness in future. Sya mls sdh balik2 mau kestau betapa robeknya hti sya. Personally, I feel not happy if he end up with Emily. But at least, Owen will have a complete family. Mcm yg dia mau, a dad and a mum.

Mum? Thats shud be me. Tp xlagi untk skg. I know, I am really not his real mother. Sorry Owen, mum always love u even now.

Let see how it go Issabella! Good things sometimes come late, unexpectedly...