Carnal Seduction

Chapter Eighteen

" Let me know your truth Cael. Please you know all of mine." Nevaeh said to me, as I held her in my arms. I was still coming down from heaven as she spoke, yet my body tensed when I heard her words. Oh god why now. I thought to myself as I stared up at the ceiling. My thoughts ran a muck within my mind, fear gripped my heart in having to tell her of my past with women, and I damned Claudia to hell for opening the flood gates, hoping and wishing that if I did give in now to telling Nevaeh it all, that she would not judge or turn away and leave me.

I sighed and turned my eyes away from her as she raised herself above me to look into my eyes. I heard her breath deeply and sigh in disappointment. I couldn't do this to her, I couldn't allow my fear to get the best of me, and cause me to shut her out. I braved what I was frightened to do and turned to look at her.

" Are you sure you want to know?" I asked her. " You might not like what you find out." I finished, as she looked at me and smiled. She kissed me hard and passionately, her response telling me she was trying to reassure me that everything would be okay.

The only fear I had was with her. How could I tell the woman I had come to love of the things I had done in order to know her in the way I had with all the rest that came before her, and had only come to find that I needed her more than life itself. I knew if I was going to go down that path, I had to choose my words carefully, tell her in a way that wouldn't seem so bad, so serious, that wouldn't make her run from me.

The things I had done in order to get her into my life were deceptive, wrong, even though I denied them at the time and yet I knew of no other way. I stared at her and sighed deeply, my heart began to beat fast as she looked down at me, her eyes hinting concern as she watched my battle take place.

" Cael, nothing you can tell me will change how I feel for you. Just be honest, nothing can be as bad as what I am already thinking." Her words made me smile, but not out of happiness, more so out of how purely naive and innocent she still was in the light of the truth I knew.

" I just don't know where to begin Nevaeh." She continued to look at me as I looked away.

" Start where it began, why you became the type of man you were before me, and Cael there is nothing wrong with wanting sex no matter how many women you have it with." Her words made me look at her quickly, searching her, questioning whether she could read my mind. I was worried about her judgement against me, and my actions towards women and how I had taken from them what I had wanted selfishly. Yet there she was, not judging me, telling me it was alright even though I had never felt as if it were.

" Where have you been all my life." I said rhetorically, yet she still answered.

" Preparing for you." She told me. I couldn't help myself with her response and kissed her hard and deep. She pulled away, licking her lips as she did and spoke once more.

" So tell me, I want to know."

I sighed deeply and stared up at the ceiling again. All the words flowed through my mind, neither seemed right when it came to telling her and yet, I began the only way I knew how.

" I have always loved sex Nevaeh, it's as simple as that. Before you, I would see a woman, have an instant sexual desire for her and pursue her until I had her. You're the only one who made me work hard for you. Most gave into me nearly instantly. It's not as fulfilling as when you have to work for it"

" You're a man, men love the thrill of the chase." She simply said with a shrug of her shoulders, making me turn to her and look at her and wonder, but my thoughts seemed to float away as I continued.

" Yes, but it was what excited me the most. I would wonder many things about the women I pursued. Normal things really, like any other man. What they looked like, how they would be when I was having sex with them, what they would let me do to them. But never did I care about them as a human being. I never cared about their thoughts, their emotions. I only cared about the pleasure they could give to me. They were nothing more than instruments for my own pleasure."