Dressed In Black

Promise you won't freak out

Zak dropped me off at my house last, giving me a quick hug before telling me goodbye and that he hoped my neck was okay, waving to Danny as he came to the door.

"Hey."

"Hey Dan." I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him, putting my arms around his neck. "Miss me?"

"Hell yeah, always do." He picked me up and brought me inside. It took him a moment. But the freak out that I had expected started the second he really took a look at me.

"Are you okay? What happened?" He ducked his head down to look at mey neck closer and held my cheek in his hand. I took a breath and sighed.

"Promise me you won't freak out."

"I can't promise that, Alli, you've got a huge fucking bruise around your neck. What happened?" I looked down at the floor before I said anything. He tended to freak out a little bit when small things happened, so with this one, probably the most dangerous thing that's ever happened to me at work...

"Part of the way through the lockdown, I passed out--or got choked out. Zak had to carry me out of the building because I couldn't breathe. But I was-"

"Are you fucking kidding me? And you didn't call? Neither of you?" he raised his voice at me and backed up, though still leaning over me. That shook me up and caused me to raise my voice in response.

"No, and I'm sorry. I have never had to call during a lock down before and was really shaken up. I understand this is a little different but you don't need to yell at me for it." I felt small.

"There hasn't been a single time where you've had to be taken out, i need to know that! I should've known then!" He was outraged.

"Well I'm sorry that after I had a bad experience, calling you wasn't the first thing on my mind. You know what I do, you know it can be dangerous, and I don't always have my phone on me."

"Oh bullshit! Are you kidding?"

"No! I'm not! I'm not going to stand here and get yelled at about something that we shouldn't even be arguing about. What were you gonna do when I called? Drive two thousand miles just for me to be on my way back here? What problems would that have solved?" I had made a fair point here, and it seemed I shook him a little bit because he quieted down. This was not what I wanted to come home to.

"That's not my point." I was getting tired. I didn't enjoy arguing, and I just wanted this to be over.

"Then what is it! Please tell me because I can't help but feel lost." I crossed my arms.

"My point is that I'm always in the dark Allison! You and your friends head off to these dangerous fucking places constantly and I don't know a single thing that happens until you get back." he was gesturing wildly and I don't like it one bit. When I responded I did the same, kind of like a child but at this point I didn't care.

"You knew this was what you were getting into when we started dating. I had been doing this job long before we met and we both know I have no intention of stopping anytime soon. I'm sorry that I got hurt and that bothers you, but sometimes that happens!"

"Exactly! At what point in our lives do you actually start giving a fuck about things that happen to you? To me? Do you-" What?!

"Excuse me?!? I-"

"Will you let me finish? I care about you so fucking much. I love you. But I can't keep doing this, and I won't keep having this same conversation with you, over and over! You leave for days and then come back to tell me horrific things. You have things follow you home that prey on both of us for weeks. I'm completely clueless about most of the stuff happening in your life. The things that affect you affect me, and I am sick with worry for you constantly. It's exhausting. I'm your boyfriend for fucks sake, don't you feel like I should know at least as much as Zak does?" suddenly the source of this argument was a little clearer.

"So this is about him then." I said, folding my arms. He hesitated before answering.

"No. This is about you and your crazy, self destructive lifestyle and the way that you truly don't see how you affect others. Me. This is about how so much of your life seems like it's a secret when we've been together for 3 years. It's not fair to me." that one struck a nerve. Crazy and self-destructive? In what way was that one fair?

"And it's not fair to me for you to ask me to either drop everything i'm doing to call in an inconvenient time, obsess over how something that happens to me will make you feel. Even now, this is about you. Im not about to quit the best, most interesting job I'm ever going to have. Not to mention how you've berated me and called me crazy for keeping specific things from you until I get home, because I don't want this exact argument to happen. You shouldn't be yelling at me because I got hurt. It can't work that way." I was tearing up. This was probably the worst argument we'd ever had, and I really didn't want to be having it.

"Well it can't work this way either." with that, I had started full-blown crying.

"So where does that leave us?"

"Alli, I can only see one avenue," I was silent while he spoke. This hurt. "I don't want this but I know that if we drop it now, it's just going to come up again. It already has."

"Well if that's how you feel. I hate this, but goodbye and goodnight. Don't call me, nothing. I don't want to speak to you. Some fucking homecoming this was." I turned to the door, tears silently streaking down my face.

"Where are you going?"

"Zak's. I'm sure there's a problem with that too, but there's not really anywhere else for me to go, and I won't stay here. Goodnight." I slammed the door behind me and walked for a little bit. I didn't want to drive when I was upset, so I wanted to clear my head for a few minutes before I took off.

A little while later, I got in my car and drove over to Zak's house. I should have called before deciding to go over, but I didn't want to make him worry. I knew he wouldn't want me driving.

Zak and I had been best friends for years. I was a little bit younger than him, being 32 with him at 40, but we had one of the closest bonds I'd ever seen between two people. Eight years ago we met and since that night, we hung out constantly. We talked about everything, nothing off limits. When Danny had come along, Zak scoped him out and borderline stalked him just to make sure that I'd be safe and happy. He cared for me when I needed it, and I did the same for him.

I just hoped none of that would change.
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A/N: Any constructive criticism is great and I love comments! Please let me know what you think. I tend to beat myself up because I know I'm not a great writer. I hope you enjoy, theres more to come!