Dressed In Black

Fear

Zak went quiet, staring in my direction, his face growing redder and redder and his teeth pressed so hard together it looked like they might crack and break. Suddenly, he rushed me, pinning me to the wall and getting in my face. My spine hit hard and I looked at him with confusion in my eyes.

“What are you looking at?” He asked, in a voice that was his, but also wasn’t. It was harsher, grittier, meaner.

“Zak calm down.” I tried to look down and away from his burning eyes but he chucked my chin, hard so that I’d look at him. I gave in. There was no telling what could happen and I was helpless as I stood there, pressed against the wall by his strong arms.

“What a pretty face, it’d be awful if I were to just… break it.” My eyes widened at the threat as his hand gripped my chin.

“Stop!” I yelled and tried in vain to push him away.

“Dude what are you doing?” Aaron finally spoke up, rushing over. Zak pushed him back, sending him careening toward the far wall, and turned his attention back toward me, snarling an acidic smile.

“You'll never be good enough to love.” he moved his hand from my face and returned to harshly pressing the heel of his hand into my collarbone.

“Zak get off!” I shouted in fear. This had gone too far and I was starting to feel short of breath.

“You think you're something special? You think you have something i want? You're nothing. Nothing but sad and desperate.” Billy and Aaron rushed over to help pull him off of me, but holy hell he was strong and determined.

“Shut the fuck up.” I spat angrily, finally pushing him back and getting him off of me with the help of the guys and trudging out of the room. Jay followed me out, still filming. I understood the need, it was documentation, but I needed a break.

“Stop fucking filming, Jay.”  He nodded and mumbled an apology, going back to the room where I could hear Zak yelling.

I rushed all the way out of the house and to the car. I couldn’t be in there any longer-- he was someone else, someone who scared me, who said awful, awful things about me, who wanted to hurt me. I knew in my heart that Zak would have never said or done any of those things had he been in his right mind, but in my head I just kept repeating what he said.

You'll never be good enough to love.

You're nothing.

A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away in disgust. I was being stupid and I knew that, this was the job I chose and stuff like this was a consequence. I should have been worrying about Zak, not commiserating with myself over something he said, clearly not as himself.

I saw a bald man walk out of the house in much of the same manner as I did, followed by our other two friends. No cameras were up-- the red lights were on but they weren't pointed anywhere specific. They each had one of Zaks arms around their shoulders, him struggling to stand and support himself. I stood and attempted to run over to my obviously unwell man, but was stopped when Aaron caught me, wrapping his arms around me and holding me there.

“Let me go! I need to help him!” I shouted, trying to shimmy out of his grasp.

“You can't, it's too dangerous for you!" He shouted and held me to him as I kept trying to release myself from his arms.

“Please let me go Aaron. Please. “ I begged. I was desperate to get to Zak, to make sure he was okay.

“Alli no. “ he gripped my shoulders but held me at arms length. That's when I noticed the red liquid dripping from his mouth. I reached and wiped it.

“What's--”

“He threw a lucky punch-- a good one at that.” my eyes widened.

“Aaron--” he cut me off and shook his head.

“Its okay Alli, it's not his fault.”

“Let me go talk to him. I'm okay, I promise.” I nodded at Aaron and he called to Jay and Billy to check up on Zak.

“Is he in the clear?” he shouted across the lawn.

Billy responded. “He wants her, he won't talk to us.” I shook Aaron off of my wrist and ran across the yard to Zak. When he saw me his eyes lit up-- He went to stand but was too weak to do so and slumped back down.

“Allison, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry.” I walked to him and hugged him, holding his head to my chest, running the fingers of my clean hand through his hair.

“Its okay. That wasn't you. You didn't mean it.”

“What did I do to you? I can't remember I just… I knew I needed to apologize.” He wrapped his arms around my waist. His touch was far more gentle than it had been just minutes earlier. More Zak.

“Don't worry about it. I'm going to be fine and that’s all that matters.” I nodded and he sat up and did too. We would talk about it later, when tensions weren't so high, when we were alone.  He took my hand and went to press it to his lips, but stopped just short.

“Blood?” He asked, quickly surveying my body to find the source, searching like a madman.

“It’s Aarons, not mine.” I drew my hand back and wiped it on my pants. Zak stood.

“We need to go back in.”

“No! You're not! If they want to continue they can, but you're not going back in there, no way. You're drained, you're emotional, it's not safe.”

“Alli I've got to.”

“You don't, and you're not. That's that.” I crossed my arms and he resigned, finally agreeing. Aaron walked over with a towel to his mouth and got out his phone to make a call to the bishop. Zak needed to be cleansed and so did the house, immediately.

If this is what we went through in just one night, I couldn't imagine the hell this family was dealing with each and every day. It needed to be handled. They needed their life back.

----

The rest of the investigation was me, Jay, and Billy. I didn't want to go back in, but Aaron took charge of Zak just in case he was affected again, and we needed more stuff if we could find it. It was strangely quiet save for footsteps and heavy breathing every once in a while, like it was following us around the house. It had gotten what it wanted. Fear. Truth be told though, I wasn't in the right state of mind for investigation. I was worried about Zak, worried about Aaron, worried about the family that lived here. I was so tense that little things kept scaring me and I would have to apologize for it. I just wanted it to be through. This had been the roughest investigation we’d been through since the one where I was nearly strangled, and before that… I don't know.  I hadn't felt so much dread and desire to leave in a long time, and I could sense that the others felt similarly. All I wanted was to get back to Zak.

The morning couldn't come quick enough, and when it did we packed up and got the heck out of dodge faster than ever. We were quiet, none of us really speaking to each other after what happened. Zak was tense and still not quite himself, but there was nothing we could do until the bishop arrived, which he was slated to do soon. The house we would film. Zak we would not-- it was too personal, too intense, and I wouldn't let him be exposed like that on television. There was no way. He'd protected me a lot over the years, and it was my turn to do that for him.