To Let Go (SSB#3A)

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"No! You can't just let her stay there, anak. What if something happens to her? No one's going to look after her if her mom leaves! Never risk! Not now when she needs us the most. She needs someone to take care of her and her mom can't give that alone. If she'll leave the house then you have to go with her."

Nasa loob kami ng sasakyan niya. Naka loudspeaker iyon kaya rinig na rinig ko pero hindi pa rin ako nagsasalita. Gustong gusto kong magmakaawa pero nahihiya akong magsalita para sa part ko. They've done a lot for me kaya nakakahiya itong ginagawa ko.

I know my situation is actually a concern. Kung bakit sila nagkakaganito ay dahil natatakot lang din sila katulad ko na baka may mangyari o mapaaga ang panganganak ko na wala akong kasama. But if I won't leave his house I'll probably going to crash my head over and over again. Living with him in one house threatens me so much. I might just cut the peace in between me and them, him and Rina. Ayokong mangyari iyon. Ayokong dungisan ang pangalan ko sa kanila not when they've done so much for me.

If I have to stay quiet about my feelings then I'll do it. If I have to stay away just to forget this then go, I'll do it.

"Mom... can we just let her--" napakagat ako ng labi nang siya na mismo ang nagtanggol sa parte ko. Hindi ko sinabi sa kanya ang tunay na dahilan. Kailangan kong magsinungalin para sa sarili ko, para matapos na 'to. I want to stay away. I really need it. Ayokong may masira ako.

"I told you, no! If she'll leave your house then live with her. Never go to work not unless she decided to stay in your house again." And that's final.

Mula sa phone niya ay nagawi ang mata ko sa kinaroroonan niya. Ang kanan ay nasa manubela at ang isa'y hilot hilot ang ulo habang nakatukod sa bintana.

Kita ang bigat sa mga mata niya. Nakokonsensiya tuloy ako. Nahihirapan siya dahil sa akin.

"Do you really need to move out?" mahinang sabi niya bago ako saglitang nilingon.

"Yes." Kailangan.

Ayokong maging selfish but this is the only way I need to end everything. Maybe I have to think it deeper... alone. Para maitatak kong hindi talaga pwede.

"Well, let mom kill me after." Bulong niya at napasinghap.

Nangunot ang noo ko nang binuhay niya ang makina ng sasakyan nito at pinaandar na. Halos ramdam ko ang pagwawala ng dibdib ko sa hindi ko malamang dahilan.

"Paano ang trabaho mo? Hindi ka babalik?"

Nilingon niya ang side mirror bago ang harap nito. "I don't know. I'm not used to mom commanding me but that was a threat so basically she's not kidding and I think I just found my way to hell if I see her the soon-est." Natatawa siya bago ako nilingon.

"She's a bit of a terror and I'm afraid of her," he mouthed and laughed. Like our conversation alone was a fine one, for him... but not to me just to correct that.

"Then why are you doing this?"

Nagkibit-balikat ito, "because you told me you need this badly so I understand. You missed your mom."

Nalungkot ako sa pagpapaalala sa akin ng kasinungalingang iyon. Hindi ako aalis dahil doon.

Hindi ako umimik at nilingon na lang ang labas.

"But is that the only reason why you're leaving? You can just tell me if there's something wrong going on. Maybe I can help? Or can fix something?"

Gusto kong matawa. Can he even fix it? I'm not sure. Kung bagay lang sana ay hindi ako magtatakang kaya niya iyong ayusin pero hindi.

"Namiss ko lang talaga ang mama." Sagot ko na hindi pa rin siya nililingon. I decided to open the window and saw clear image of what's outside the car.