Maybe Then...

Chapter 4: if I were one-of-a-kind

If I were unique,

If I were one-of-a-kind,

Maybe then, I wouldn't be so replaceable.

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I was scrolling through Instagram, looking at new posts from old friends.

One of the closest friends that I've gained over the years was Haley. We met two years ago when her dad's job in the military made them move across the country. She and I would text every weekend, frequenting the mall and local breakfast diners together. This last spring, we spent nearly the entire break together, practicing a duet for our hypothetical talent show audition, drastically failing at trying to take up knitting, and seeing rom-coms.

One of her latest posts was a picture of her and some girl I was acquainted with, sitting at the beach of a lake.

I made the mistake of clicking on her profile and going into the most recent post. It was a series of photos, all from that same lake, but this time, one of the pictures was a group photo. Her, the girl I barely knew, two of our friends, and another girl that I had rarely spoken to. They were all smiling, all in their cute swimsuits. Haley's wide, genuine grin made me smile. Contradictively, the thought of her being so happy with people I barely knew while I wasn't there made my eyebrows slant up in sadness.

A wave of guilt rushed through my body.

I have no right to be jealous. What did I expect her to do, just sit around depressed all summer? She doesn't need me to be happy.

Yet I still found myself exiting out of Instagram and going into my text messages, looking at when we last texted.

5 days ago. We hadn't talked in five days.

But I did. Or at least I tried to. After being forced to hang out with Daniel and his friends for the first time, I tried saying hey, hoping I could tell her about the craziness that had happened. That was a one way street.

I went back into Instagram, looking through the photos posted since my departure. In all of them, she had an authentic smile, and in all of them there was at least one friend. One friend that wasn't me.

That one particular girl I knew was frequent in them, especially the photos that were taken at the lake. Her golden blonde hair contrasted with her hazel eyes, her perfect jawline naturally amplified in each picture. She had a distinct, but beautiful look.

I didn't notice that my eyes were misty until the light on the screen began to blur.

My lip trembled.

Was I that forgettable? Was I that replaceable?

I wiped the escaped tears from my eyes and threw my phone on the bed.

I closed my eyes and took in a shaky breath, and when I released it along with my eyes, I saw Daniel peering into my room from the hallway. His eyes narrowed at me.

"Are you crying?"

He didn't get a response, only a door slammed on his face.