Maybe Then...

Chapter 8: if I weren't so self-centered

If I weren't so self-centered

and thought about others' feelings more often,

maybe then, I would have known how he felt.

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The boys sat on the sofa in Dolan's basement, tuning their instruments and mumbling about songs and whether or not they should do certain covers or keep trying with their only original. Dan had welcomed himself to the beat up chair near the sofa. I followed him uncomfortably like a lost puppy, and balanced myself on the arm of the chair.

"Did you teach her the song we've been rehearsing?" questioned Kyle.

"No, but Cooper showed her part of it that one time, remember?"

"But I don't know it," I argued.

"Dan, you said you wanted to have been in a band before college, so do you want to have a band going or not?"

"Wait a minute," I stopped. I narrowed my eyes at Dan. "You're going into college?"

"Yeah," Dan said as though it were obvious. "What, why is that such a shocker?"

"You told me before that you were going to train to be a firefighter after highschool, and nobody had ever mentioned you going to college for the multiple weeks that I've been here!"

"Okay," he held his hands up in protest, "a) that was last year that I told you that and, b) me going to college has been brought up before. Multiple times, in fact! You're just in your dream world so often that you ignore what's happening in my life. And, of course, c) it's just community college, nothing special."

I crossed my arms and let my eyes fall to the floor. "I didn't know your plans changed. I thought that you still wanted to be a fire fighter."

"Well, you don't ever listen to what's going on with me," he raised his voice a little. "Besides, it's all about you and grandpa lately, anyway."

Everyone in the room went so quiet you could hear a pen drop. I could have sworn I heard Cooper's noisy breathing from several feet away.

I opened my mouth to say something, but was cut off by Dolan clasping his hands together, turning everyone's focus from the thick awkwardness lingering in the room, over to him. "So, are we gonna get this jam session started or what?"

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The jam session turned out to be not what I was expectanting. It was mostly playing around with chords, correcting each other on mistakes, trying to give input and suggestion to the song (which I later found out was an original), and trying to keep in harmony and rythm when playing bits and pieces of the composition.

I didn't dare correct anyone, and didn't feel I had the right to give any suggestions to the song. So instead, I did what I suppose I wasn't the best at doing: I observed.

I was mostly focused on observing Dan after what he had said. Was I only ever caught up with myself and my own selfpity? Was the factor of me and grandpa moving here taking away focus from his accomplishes?

It pained me to think of that. Or maybe that was the pain coming from the blisters forming on my fingers from plucking those strings. Either way, I still didn't want to hurt Dan.

By the end of practice, there were still things left to be discussed, one of them being my work schedule and when I could come to practice.

That made me feel self-centered.

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Hey guys! I am so sorry I haven't updated for a while! I've been fighting off a bad mood, and have been focusing on other things like trying to get further in my walk with God, exercise, and recently, learning how to play the bass.

I don't want to force this story out of me, and I want it to come from the heart, and from the hearts of the characters. If I try to hurry through the book, I'm afraid I might miss certain points that are pivotal to character development. please be patient!

Also, I'd like to say thanks to those who have voted and commented on my book, as well as the person who said she'd make me a cover for my book.

Special thanks to my best friend who, once she started reading this, read through the chapters so quickly. Thank you my proud peanut butter for encouraging me to stop procrastinating and actually write! Your words of encouragement have really helped me in times of doubt!