Maybe Then...

Chapter 19: when comfort comes from a visit

When comfort comes from a visit

Maybe then, I might see things more clearly

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After fighting with Daniel, I found myself just strolling around town crying until my sobs became quivers, and my quivers became tears and sniffles, and then my tears and sniffles became worries of what I was to face when I went home. An answer came to me when I turned onto a familiar street. I sent out a text to grandpa, then walked through a door to be greeted by the ring of a bell, the feeling of coolness replacing the summer air, and the smell of freezing ice cream filling my nostrils.

"Hey, Amelia!" Ariel greeted. "You come to get some ice cream?"

"Actually, I was wondering if Zeke got off yet?" I said through my stuffiness.

"Oh, no, not yet. What's wrong?"

I offered a small smile. "Ah, just, stuff. I could just call him later, though."

"Well, he's just about to take a break, so you can to ahead and wait if you want. But I'm sure he wouldn't mind taking a break earlier, though. At least for you, that is. He's always talking about you," she smiled. "He really seems to like you."

I smiled too. It made me feel tingly inside to hear that he talked about me to other people, and that other people could see how much he liked me. And one of the best parts was that he liked me for me, and not out of obligation, not out of pity. And that made my day just a little bit less horible.

Ariel went back and came out a few seconds later with the light haired boy that was my boyfriend. He smiled when he was me, but his smile turned into a sadder, more sympathetic one once he realized that I had been crying.

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Zeke and I walked around town a little bit while I poured out to him what was on my mind and what had happened earlier. He listened, not really knowing what to say most of the time, though I didn't blame him, he hadn't been prepared for the conversation since I hadn't told him up until then what happened to my mom. But he was there, and he listened, and although he wasn't really sure how to respond, he still took the time to hear me out.

"I'm sorry I never told you what happened to my mom," I said sheepishly. "I guess I just didn't really know how to bring it up, and...it's kinda embarrasing, I guess."

"Don't worry about it, I understand," he assured me. "And as for Daniel, maybe he was just stressed out about other things and ended up taking it out on you?"

I shrugged, "Maybe."

"Just give him some time, he might come around again, okay?"

I sighed. "Okay," I agreed, letting him wrap me up in his arms.

"So, listen," he began, released me from his grip. He looked at me with expectant eyes. "If you're gonna be away from the band for a bit and have Saturdays to yourself now, maybe you want to come hang out with me and some of my friends? We're just gonna be chilling at my bud Ollie's house for a few hours. It won't be all guys there, so maybe you can get some girl time in after hanging around all of those obnoxious guys."

I raised my eyebrows at him, stifling a small laugh. "'Girl time'? Really?" 

"I honestly don't know what you girls call it, okay?" he shrugged. 

I shook my head at him, no longer trying to hold back a laugh. 

"So...?" he pushed eagerly. "Is that a yes?" 

I wasn't much of a party girl, at least according to the experience I gained from my first party the other day, but this wasn't a party. This was a small gathering of some of him friends, some of which he was hoping I myself would befriend as well. I couldn't guarantee that grandpa would let me, but I could try. 

I sighed and gave a half smile. "Okay, I'll see if I can go."

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While walking home, I eventually forced myself to pick up my phone and message Daniel. I explained to him that I just needed to take a short break from the band. He didn't respond. I got a similar response from him, or lack thereof, when I got home. He would barely even spare me a glance, and if I was lucky enough to get even that, his expression was one of disappointment. Not hatred, not disgust, but disappointment. And for some reason, when mixed with the silent treatment, that just seemed so much worse than any dirty looks he could have given me. Because I had hurt him by ruining a thing he enjoyed. But he had hurt me by reminding me of something that I never got to enjoy, and even more so by surfacing some of my very fears. He confirmed what I was afraid of: that those I loved didn't love me back, they only pitied me. 

There were no indications that he had told anyone in the house about our fight earlier that day. There was no forced apology that he had reluctantly said just to get his mom off of his back. There was no stupid reassurance given that they loved me for me just to make me feel better. Once left alone in my room to my own thoughts, the truth hit me: none of my family loved me because I was family, but because I was the bastard child that they felt bad for. And all of a sudden, I wasn't realizing that that was the truth, I wasn't just convinced that that was the truth, I was living the truth. And the truth hurt. 

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Hey, thanks for all of the comments and votes on the past chapters, and thanks for supporting me throughout this book. I keep on doubting my abilities and talents, and keep on feeling like I'm not making this fully worth the reads that it's been receiving, but I have to push fear aside and hope for the best!

Thank you to everyone who has been sticking with me through this book, even when I'm doubting and unsure of where I'm going with the story. 

Love you! <3