Maybe Then...

Chapter 31: if I knew how worried he'd be

If I knew how worried he'd be, 

Maybe then, I would have at least grabbed my phone

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I walked home with freshly dried tears on my face, my eyes puffy from profusely crying. To my relief, Robert had left before I'd gotten home. Of course, grandpa was still there, and I knew I'd have to look him in the eye and tell him what happened and why I had run off. 

As soon as I walked through the door, my face went pale as a sheet at the sight of grandpa talking frustratedly to someone on the phone. The crease in his brow wrinkled with concern, his hand dragging through his hair. 

"--no, Jason, why would she run off like that if she was going out with friends? Like I told Ruby, she left her phone! Have Dan ask his friends or something, because I don't want to get the police involved unless necessary!" His eyes spotted me gaping vacantly at him. "Never mind, she's back," he said quickly before hanging up. 

I felt myself shaking a little, my breath thinning. 

He set the phone on the counter, then ran over to me, grasping my shoulders tightly in his hands. "Don't you ever disappear like that again!" he demanded. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a tight squeeze. It took me a moment to register what was happening, but I eventually hugged him back. When I'd finally let go, he still held on to me a moment more. 

As though I hadn't cried enough already that day, few tears silently escaped my eyes. I took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry," I murmured. 

"Where did you go? Why would you run off like that?" 

"Because I knew you'd think I was being dramatic if you knew why I quit work," I lowered my head. 

"What? Why? Why did you quit?" 

Tell him, tell him everything that happened last week. Tell him everything that he did to you. Tell him why you quit. 

"I..." 

Just tell him! Tell him that his friend's grandson tried getting into your pants! Tell him about the party you went to, and how people were drinking! Tell him! Tell him, you coward! Tell him about the idiot assaulting you! Just tell him, you shithead! TELL HIM! 

"I didn't want to work with Zeke, because it would be awkward since we broke up. I thought that if I told you about me quitting, you would make me go and get my job back anyway." You fucking coward.

He shook his head at me with a sigh. 

Before either of us could say anything more, Dan walked through the door, his blonde hair sticking out at random spots. He looked like he'd just woken up from an intense nap. He stared at me with an emotionless expression and sighed. 

"Please don't be mad at me," I mumbled to grandpa. 

"I'm not mad at you, just..." he trailed off. "Where were you all this week when we thought you were at work?" 

I hesitated before answering. "Cooper's house." 

"Cooper's house?" Dan laughed with disbelief. "As in, my friend Cooper Thompson?" 

I nodded, my lips pursed together. 

He raised his eyebrows, looking at me for any signs to indicate that I was joking. He laughed humorlessly again when he realized I wasn't joking. "I'm gonna kill him," he shook his head. "I'm gonna kill the kid." He ran upstairs, but repeated "I'm gonna kill the kid" before shutting the door. 

I turned back to grandpa. "Please don't be mad at Cooper, it's not his fault." 

"I'm not mad at Cooper," he sighed. "I'm not mad at him, I'm not mad at you. I just...I wish you would have told me." 

I lowered my head in shame. "I'm sorry." 

He wrapped me up in another hug. We stayed that way for a few minutes, mumbling "I'm sorry" and "it's okay" a couple of times. The hug ended when the front door opened, and walking in from the other side of it was aunt Ruby, uncle Jason, and on his hip, a confused looking Clarice. 

"Millie, where did you go?" 

I smiled sadly at her. "I was just walking around." 

Aunt Ruby directed for her to go get ready for bed. Once she was out of earshot and unable to see us, they both stared at me sternly, arms crossed over their chests. "Okay, young lady," aunt Ruby began, "where were you, really?" 

"That's where I was, walking around!" 

"For three hours?" uncle Jason pressed. 

"I just needed time to clear my head," I protested. 

They wanted to continue our conversation, but grandpa had mercy on me and decided that I'd had enough of an emotional roller coaster for one day, and pardoned me to go to bed. I dragged myself up the stairs, hearing him suggest that they'd sit down before he began to explain to them what I'd already told to him. I sighed, disappointed in myself for not taking the initiative to tell the full story. Get a grip of yourself, Amelia! You wanted control of your actions, yet you can't even make yourself tell the full truth! Coward. 

I grabbed my phone from my shelf, clicking it on to distract myself. But I was distracted from my distraction when I saw Dan walking out of his room, shrugging a jean jacket onto himself. "What are you doing?" I questioned. 

"Getting a coat on. It's a chilly night tonight," he said flatly. 

"No, I mean where are you going?" 

"Where do you think? To see your new boyfriend: Cooper." 

I let out a sigh as I fell back onto my bed. I stared up at the ceiling, my hands on my tight stomach demanding to be expanded a bit with food. I don't understand, I've forgiven my mom, I've come to some sort of an epoch in my life, so why do I still want to skip meals to feel in control? Because you can't even seem to control yourself, remember? I got back on my phone again to distract myself, sending a text to Cooper to warn him of the ticked off cousin heading over to his house. 

It seemed like every time I figured something out in my life, I had another thing to figure out. 

Why couldn't I feel like there was some sort of a weight lifted off of my shoulders?

I asked myself that question that night in bed, wondering how I was supposed to solve my problems. 

...can I even solve my problems?

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Yes, I know, another emotional chapter, but there is another big part coming up where she finally has to admit that she's not okay. 

What were your thoughts on this chapter? 

What did you think about her grandpa being so worried about his Millie running off somewhere? What did you think of his and Dan's reactions to finding out where she's been all week?

What do you think about Dan freaking out a little bit? 

What do you think about Amelia still not telling the full story of what happened at the party?

Thanks to my bestie for helping me out with the decision of what turn I want this book to take. 

Love you <3