Maybe Then...

Chapter 25: when I have to be cautious

When I have to be cautious, 

Maybe then, I'll get distracted

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"Hey, Millie," Cooper scratched his neck, looking from me to back inside the house. "Uh, come on in." 

I offered a small smile, observing the somewhat familiar walls of the house as I stepped into the hallway. I heard the faint ding ding of a bell growing vividly and closer. The source of the sound revealed itself seconds later, little paws carrying it down the hallway to come nuzzle against my ankle. "Hi kitty!" I crouched down to stroke it. 

"Her name is Lily," he informed. 

"She's so cute!" I cooed, Lily rolling on the ground while she soaked up the attention

"So, Millie, why do you have to hide from your grandpa?" 

I stood up straight again. "I'm not hiding from him," I corrected. "I just can't let him know that I'm not working."

"Well why not?" 

"Because I can't let him know I quit! He would probably make me go and beg for my job back." 

"So why did you quit?" He started walking downstairs, and I followed him, still observing the place. It was only the second time I'd been there, and this time, there weren't a bunch of loud boys making that's what she said jokes. It was a smaller house, but Cooper was an only child, so it wouldn't make sense for his parents to have a 5 bedroom house. But the size of the house was one of the things that makes the boys seem even more obnoxious than they already were; there was no escaping their annoyance. 

"Because Zeke and I broke up." No one knew the other half of the story, and they didn't need to know. 

"You really think he'd make you get your job back?" he asked, handing me a Wii remote. 

"Yeah," I said more to myself than him. "He wants me to be involved in so many activities and responsibilities. I think he said one time that I'l be grateful for it someday because 'keeping myself busy will keep me off the streets.' Honestly, I sometimes think that he's afraid I'm somehow going to end up like my mom." 

"That sucks." 

I nodded, appreciative that he wasn't trying to make me feel better. "It really does suck balls." 

Silence instilled between us as we both focused on playing Super Mario Bros. I sucked at the game, but I loved it. And maybe for a moment, while lost in the distraction of playing as Toad jumping terribly and getting himself killed, just for a moment, I forgot that I was ever upset, or confused, or angry, or unsettled. Though it didn't last very long, it was something. It was a distraction, if only for a moment. It was a flicker of hope that I could just put the whole incident behind me and, eventually, forget about it altogether. No one had to know, and I could put it behind me. 

But that's not what happened.

What really happened was I tossed and turned that night like waves of an ocean. An ocean in which my thoughts weren't drowning me, but my thoughts were drowning in the tides, filling up every nook and cranny of my mind with restlessness. So many people have said before that they've been at a loss for words, but I was at a loss for thoughts. I was restless for no reason. Funny that just weeks ago I was the girl who wanted to go back to her old life, and now I'm the girl who just wants to move on.

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Daniel had not yet disclosed whether or not we were a band again, although the group message I'd started was filling up with begs from the others to get it up and running again. Dolan said he was bored, Kyle said he needed a way to attract chicks other than his "good looks" (his words, not mine), and Cooper didn't bother talking much to me in the group chat since he saw me Monday. 

I brought my concerns about Daniel to Coopers attention Tuesday afternoon. "What if he's just done with the band all together? I don't think I've heard him playing any of our songs lately."

"Just give him time," he responded. "He will come around eventually, I'm sure." 

I sighed, taking my frustration out on the Xbox controller. I'm not the best at Halo, let's just put it that way. 

"Do you really think that your grandpa would make you go and get your job back?" he said once the round ended. 

"I don't know."  

"Even if he does, and you somehow get your job back, would it really bother you that much to work with your ex? 

"Yes," I said stiffly. 

"Must have been one messy breakup." 

"Yeah, something like that, I guess." 

Something like that.

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