Maybe Then...

Chapter 17: when a first happens

When the a first happens,

Maybe then, I'll find out something new about myself

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Our first performance was coming so soon, and though I had my doubts, Cooper thought we were ready enough to take up the gig. We only had a handful of songs prepared, but Kyle's friend, Will, said it was enough.

I kept having a gut feeling that I was going to mess up, and be the girl that screwed up the show, and end up with Dan hating me. I dreaded the day, and just wanted it all to be done and over with. All I could really do was hope, pray, and practice.

It wasn't a family member's birthday get-together this time, but a small venue about the size of a backyard in the middle of the city. How Will managed to get us into such a venue was because his uncle owned it. He said to consider it a gift from him, and that when we make it big, to remember who "introduced you to the public."

In reality, though, there was another band that rented out the venue, but the band opening for them cancelled last minute. We were the lucky picks as the last minute fill-ins. Yay.

We were allowed to invite as many people as we'd like, so of course I'd invited Zeke. Unfortunately, he was working during that time. He pleaded his cause saying that he begged his grandpa to let him take the night off, but he had no one to fill in for him. I was upset, but there was nothing I could do about it. At least if I messed up and ruined the whole show, he wouldn't be there to witness my humiliation. But on the other hand, if I did mess up and ruin the whole show, he wouldn't be there to comfort me and hold me in his arms. If I nailed my performance, he wouldn't be there to congratulate me and share in my happiness. But it is what it is.

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I didn't know how to feel about that night. I wasn't sure how I should interpret my nerves. The smell of Kyle's nervous chain smoking managed to prevent me from overthinking to the point of throwing up on the ride there, but I still felt slightly woozy by the time we got out. The boys all started setting up and helped me with connecting the bass to the correct cord, and the correct cord to the correct outlet. It seemed to me that this is something that should be handled by an IT expert, and not a bunch of music-playing kids.

A few people started arriving early, which turned out to be the band we were performing for. My mind was so preoccupied with the thoughts swirling within it that if they did mention their name, I didn't catch it.

They did their sound check really quick, then left us to do ours before people started entering into the venue. Dolan seemed like he was just barely managing his nerves alright, Kyle seemed antsy to get another cigarette to distract himself, still managing to keep his cool guy facade, Cooper seemed to be in his own little world, and Dan freely took out whatever frustrations he had inside on us. Whatever little mistake we made when checking our instruments, even the slightest annoyances we provided, he didn't hesitate to lash out at us for.

Being his relative, he took extra care to make me the main target in a mission of criticizing.

"Amelia, do you know the order of the songs?" he inquired.

I gave him a quick nod. I felt like only part of me was there at the moment, but still managed to mostly make myself believe that I knew the ropes. I did my best to ignore whatever doubt I had within me.