Lock & Key *Camren*

Chapter 47

Camila's POV:

I'm not quite sure how to comprehend what happened, My feet are moving but they feel so heavy, dragging down to the floor as if they're concrete, had he really just said I'm not worthy of my own name, did he not think about how that would make me feel when he said it, I could hear Lauren ranting on beside me but I wasn't really listening, I just wanted to crawl into bed and never wake up, he's my gramps, I used to do everything with him, he would take me everywhere, and now what? I'm just going to lose him, because of my sexuality?

I slowly walk out of the elevator as it reaches our floor, I see my parents walking out of Normani's room and towards us, I'm really not in the mood to talk to anyone right, I slowly brush past them leaving Lauren and walking to my room, I know Lauren obviously stopped to talk to them about what happened, honestly I hope she's there for awhile, I really want to be alone.

I walk into the room slowly closing the door behind me, I stared at the back of the door debating whether or not I should slide the lock across and stopping Lauren from coming in, before I can even comprehend what's going on in my mind my hands have already locked the door and I'm making my way over to the bed.

I lift the covers slowly crawling underneath them, curling myself up into a tight ball, the quilt covering me head to toe, as my body racked with sobs, my eyes pressed against my knees as I cried, I shouldn't be crying, he should accept me no matter who I love but he's my gramps, I can't lose him, but I can't lose Lauren more, so I don't care, I do care but I shouldn't.

I cannot chose one and lose the other, besides it's not like i could run away from Lauren even if i wanted to, i am on tour with her, i am in a girl group with her, she is everywhere i turn, and i am so insanely in love with her, i wouldn't be able to end it and just carry on as normal, so it would be Lauren i would chose if i was given the ultimatum, i know that is wrong because in the end blood is thicker than water, and family should always come first, but Lauren is just as much my family as any of my real family members, i want Lauren to be my future, the person i marry and have kids with, i just know in my heart that she is the only one for me.

'Camz' I heard Lauren's voice as her knuckles tapped lightly against the door.
'Baby, why did you lock it?'
I shook my head, sobbing to myself, sniffling loudly. 

I heard Lauren knock a few more times and talk to someone, I couldn't hear who, they were too far away from the door. 

'Okay, I'll leave you alone for a little while okay, if you need us we'll be outside by the pool baby, I love you' as soon as I realised Lauren had walked away from the door I felt more alone than ever. 

But that's what I wanted right? Was to be alone, why else would I have locked the door? But I need her.

Why does life have to be so confusing, why can't i want what i want and have it? why do i want to be alone but also want to have Lauren, it makes no sense. 

After what felt like forever but was probably only 30 minutes I dragged myself out of bed, walking over to the mirror and starring at my reflection, I look rough, but I don't care enough to do anything about it, I need my Lolo.

I walked out of the room and downstairs, walking outside and seeing everyone by the pool, Lauren saw me face, her eyes stayed locked on mine as I dragged my feet across to her, she opened her arms sitting back on the sun lounger, I instantly crawled into her arms hiding my face in her neck, breathing in her scent, my most favourite smell in the world.

Lauren's arms locked around my waist, her fingers tracing over the small skin on my hip where my top had risen, I had my arms draped around her neck, the feel of her skin on mine instantly calming me.

'Uhm... Camila.. Can I talk to you?' My heart began to race as I realised my grampa was standing over me, shielding the sun away from us.

I slowly turned out of Lauren to face him, he's face softened when he saw what state I was in. 

'Can I talk to you? You both' he asked again, shifting uncomfortably on his feet, avoiding eye contact.

I nodded slightly and stood to my feet, Lauren standing behind me and taking my hand in hers, his eyes glanced to our hands but said nothing more as he turned on his heel and walked into the hotel expecting us to follow him which of course we did.

We got into the hotel lobby and he sat himself down on one of the many scattered chairs in the small area, me and Lauren sat down opposite him, a small coffee table between us.

'I want to apologise for the things I said to you, it was wrong of me and I shouldn't have acted that way towards it, I don't agree with it and I probably never will, but I will accept it, because you are my granddaughter and I love you dearly, I will not lose you over something like this but I don't agree with it whatsoever, I want you to know that' his hands were clasped together in front of him as he leant forward with his elbows on his knees starring at us.  

I nodded slowly at him, I accept his apology and I'm glad his accepting us, but I know from this point on, nothing will ever be the same between us two, and I can't help but think that maybe it would've been better than to not have him in my life altogether than to have, but him not really being there and being how he was.

'I accept your apology' I whispered and he nodded, rubbing his hands together and standing to his feet.
'Good, great' he smiled slightly.
'I'll see you tonight' he nodded his head and walked away from us, I let out a heavy sigh, resting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands, Lauren's arm rubbing up and down my back in a comforting way.

I should be relieved that he has apologised for his behaviour, but part of me still just feels deflated, when my dad told me that i was still his daughter i felt a sense of relief, that nothing was going to change despite the fact that i was in a relationship with a girl, but i didn't feel that with my granddad, i know he said that he would accept it simply for the fact of not losing me, but it's probably so he doesn't lose his other family members either, what Lauren had said to him before was true, he probably would have lost them, and that played on his mind to the point where he thought that he should accept it, not to salvage our relationship, but to stop him from losing his family, but a part of me just knows that i have lost him, and he will never treat me the same after today, i guess that, that is a sacrifice that i have to make to be the person that i want to be, and love who i love. 

To be continued..

I didn't know how to end this an I know I've not been good with updates lately blah blah blah... But I'm still trying for ya.

Lily x