Half a Heart // h.s

Twenty Five

I sit on the couch, facing away from the door. Harry went to go get us tea and blueberry muffins from W. Mandeville, our favourite café.

It's like a 45 minute drive there, so since he's left, I've been sitting here, in the same position, watching the world move on. They just go along with their day as I feel myself crumbling.

I just got the worst news of my life. The man that I met when I was 14, that I have loved since I was 14, is leaving me. He's leaving his entire life behind.

I know I'm being selfish, this is his dream, but, he's my entire life. We've been dating for five years, five years. Every day since I met him, I could never stop thinking about him. It was love at first sight.

     Every day since I met him, I felt myself falling deeper and deeper in love with him. First it was his green eyes that had me head over heels. Then, it was his hair and the way it flops. Then, his smile, the smile that lights up my world. Then, I started falling in love with the little things, like the way his eyes wrinkle when he smiles, or how his eyebrows furrow when he's concentrated.

     Now, he's got his life planned out for him. He's going to move to LA and be famous. He's going to get the life he's dreamt of since he was six years old. This is huge.

     I'm happy for him, don't get me wrong. I'm ecstatic. I just wish I could be with him. We had our future planned out.

     We were going to graduate from university, we were going to get really good jobs to buy a house. We were going to get married in an outdoor wedding in England at sunset, the colour scheme would be white and dusty rose. We were going to have three kids and name our first daughter Darcy. We even knew what retirement home we would want to be put in. We chose a fucking retirement home to be in together.

     So obviously, I'm angry. Not at Harry, I can never be angry at Harry for something he can't control. I'm angry at the universe. For making me fall in love with the perfect person, and then taking him away from me.

     I continue to stare at the people just going about their happy day, even as I hear the door slowly creek open. My cheeks are tear stained and I'm exhausted.

     I feel the same arms that have comforted me for five years. His familiar smell fills my nose. God, I love his smell. I love the way his arms feel around me.

     I feel another one of my walls crash down as I realize, that in a month, these arms will no longer comfort me, this smell will no longer fill my nose.

     I take my muffin and tea from Harry's hand. Mumbling a thank you.

     This is going to be so hard. This is so hard and he hasn't even left yet.
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Harry's pov

I made it back from W. Mandeville about 15 minutes ago. I'm sitting in the parking lot just thinking. I can't bring myself to get out of the car.

My face is wet with tears. My family is all I have, and I'm leaving that all behind. I'm leaving the love of my life.

I stand in front of the elevator, waiting for it to come down. I absentmindedly press the third floor button.

     I open the unlocked door and see her sitting on the couch, facing away from me. I do the one thing that comes to mind as I set my tea and muffin down and hug her, putting hers in front of her.

     No words were spoken besides a small thanks from Jo. She even sounds broken. I did this to her.

"So" I resumed my position in front of the couch, sitting in front of her.

"So" her strained voice forced out the small word.

"What's going through that pretty little head of yours" I reached up to play with her hair. It always helps her when she's stressed or upset.

"Too much." Her voice is quiet and hoarse, like whenever she gets a cold. Except for this time, it's from crying.

"We still have a month together, how about we spend it making memories. You know, instead of sitting in silence, crying every once in a while." I try to smile a little to lighten up the mood

"All I have energy for right now is to sit in silence and cry though." She picks up her cup, slowly bringing it to her lips.

A soft moan fills the room as she drinks the tea. I'm sure it's helping her throat, which doesn't sound too good. I hate that I've done this to her.

"How about, we let ourselves have two days, only two, to mope around and not do anything. Then, we can get out there and make some of the best memories we'll ever make" I dramatically wave my arm across the rain covered window, earning a small laugh from Jo.

"That sounds good." She brings her hand up to my cheek.

"God, I'm going to miss you so much" she sighs, lightly dropping her hand onto her lap
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Jo's pov

I like Harry's idea of only allowing ourselves two days to do nothing and cry. But all I want to do for the next month is sit in the apartment with my head in Harry's lap, him playing with my hair, with a sappy romcom on in the background.

My head says to spend this next month as close to him as humanly possible. But at the same time, my heart wants to go out there and make memories that neither of us will ever forget. My mind and heart are battling while I just sit here, empty.

      The 1975 fills the quiet room as we pick at our muffins, not quite having the appetite to finish it.

     Sure this next month will be fun, there's no doubt of that. But, the forever after that, won't be so fun. There's also no doubt of that.
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Whoops? I mean, being hella late is lowkey my thing. It's insane to think that I started this like three quarters through grade nine and I'm going into grade 11, like that's insane. Sometimes I'll go back to see how my writing has evolved along with myself. But I'm babbling, anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter,
See you soon lovelies

~S