Friendzoned

Forty-Seven: I'm a monster.

I'm a monster.

***Madison***

"I'm sorry. But I only like you as a friend."

Those words pierced straight through my heart and broke it in two.

I didn't need him to tell me he liked me too though I definitely wish he did, but I just can't believe it.

Everything we did together, why does it feel like nothing?

Why does it feel like those memories meant nothing?

Why does it feel like Joseph and I are a million miles away when we were just holding hands?

Why does it hurt so much?

I retract my hand as he let go of mine and clutch onto it, trying to hold in the tears.

"I'm...gonna go. I hope you feel better." I get up and practically run for the door.

And then I let the floodgates open and cried like a freaking baby.

Everyone was in the cafeteria with only a few people lingering in the hallways so I didn't care that much about crying.

It just hurt so bad.

**********

I went home feeling like absolute crap.

I guess I just thought that Joseph might actually like me back?

I don't even know.

I know I said that I didn't want anything to get in the way of our friendship and that's true, but he just needed to know.

Something could've happened to him.

He was so close...

"Madison?" Molly called, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Hey Mol." I replied with a tight smile, my eyes and nose were a little red from crying.

"Have you been crying?" She asked and reached a tentative hand out.

"No."

"..."

"I'm not crying."

"Your puffy red eyes and nose kinda give you away."

"Joseph doesn't like me back." I explained, bitting the inside of my cheek.

"Aww no, sis." Molly spread her arms and engulfed me in a warm tight hug.

I breathed in her sweet scent and hugged her back.

"You need a cookie. And a day out."

"But I have homework." I pouted.

"Is it due tomorrow?"

"No...." I mumbled in response.

"Good, then let's go." Molly looped her arm around mine and called out to Mary. "Mary, emergency sister day out!"

"COMING!"

I laughed hearing Mary's enthusiastic holler.

And the rest of the day was just filled with tears, hugs and laughter.

I definitely felt a lot better when we got back, but I still just couldn't shake off the sorrowful feeling I had about Joseph not liking me back.

I don't know what it is.

It just hurt so much more than when other boys I liked didn't like me back.

The twins were sweet to pull an emergency sister day out card for me though.

I'll cook them scrambled eggs with ham for breakfast tomorrow.

I grabbed my things, kissed my sisters' foreheads, wished them goodnight and headed upstairs to my room.

Once the door was closed and locked, I threw my bag on the ground and buried myself in my comforter.

I desperately needed a nap.

**********

***Joseph***

Ahh crap. Just ahh. Shit.

She ran off...again.

Sounds very familiar Joseph, and oh yeah the other time she ran off was also because of you so congratu-freaking-lations.

You're the master of making Madison upset.

What the crap Joseph?!

She just told you she liked you and she was so upset over what happened to you and you decide to tell her right then and there?!

Why do I do these things?

I could've told her some other time, I didn't have to tell her right away...

I just...can't be with her.

She deserves someone so much more than me.

I don't even know why she likes me.

I mean seriously who am I?

All I do is make Madison upset. I don't think I've ever truly comforted Madison when she was upset. I don't know. She doesn't seem to get upset too much these days.

It's just me.

I get so upset and pathetic, she has to come in and comfort me.

She's always been there for me and I'm nowhere to be seen when she needs someone.

I mean that means something right?

That proves that we can't be together.

She needs someone that she can depend on too.

Not someone who depends on her and can't deal with his own problems.

I hate this.

I wish she didn't have feelings for me.

No...

No I don't wish that.

Of course not, I'm overjoyed that she likes me who am I kidding?

Maybe I just wish that she didn't have to tell me.

Then I wouldn't have had to hurt her like I did.

Now it's awkward and weird and terrible again.

I destroyed our friendship.

I destroyed it.

I destroyed us.

I suck so bad.

I want her to come back.

I don't want her to leave.

I want to tell her how much I care.

I wish I didn't have eye cancer.

I wish things weren't so complicated.

Why does she like me?

For whatever reason?

I'm good for nothing.

I don't deserve her.

I'm a monster.

**********

Hey guys! Welcome back to another chapter. My holiday has officially come to an end as I'm headed back to Malaysia now.

I hope you've enjoyed the recent chapters and I hope you enjoy this one though very very sad.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and vote for my story. Thank you for bearing with my inconsistent updates. Thank you for being on this journey with me. Thank you guys so much! I appreciate it to no end.

Please if you have any comments or feedback, leave them down below. I promise to read them all.

I'll see you all on the next chapter! Stay awesome guys!

BYEEE~! <3 Alyssa

Next update: unsure since I'm back from my holiday

Random stuff: #lazy #missmalaysianfoodsomuch #dizzy #typingthisontheairplane